Returning

Kanuga Conference Center

Kanuga Conference Center

Every time I go away on a trip and then return I come home a new person.  This time is no exception.  Yesterday afternoon I returned from four nights at the Kanuga Conference Center in Hendersonville, North Carolina, and then a one night visit with my daughter, her partner, and my grandkids. It was intense.  All of it.

The conference was about journaling and I have not yet processed all that I learned and how it may effect how I move forward. But just let me say that I am full and must now slowly begin to digest the nourishment I received. I met wonderful people like Christina Baldwin, who wrote Story Catcher and whose quote you will find on the home page of my website. She has long been an inspiration to me and her words kept me working on my soon to be published book.

I discovered that both of my grandkids are taller than I am and that I don’t see them enough. They are growing toward adulthood and I can’t seem to keep up with them.  Zoe and I had a lovely afternoon together while the rest of the family  was otherwise engaged.  We walked around Lake Tomahawk, share delicious, chocolate salted-caramel ice-cream and listened to live blue-grass in downtown Black Mountain.  We made plans that once she has her drivers license next year, she is going to come up here to Charlottesville so we can go visiting places like Monticello, Thomas Jefferson’s home, and the many other historic sights we are home to.

Next week I’m taking a few days to go on retreat. No phone. No fixed schedule. No blog post. Just the sound of the Atlantic pounding on the shore, some good books to read, and taking in the natural world of gulls, dolphins, and shells that wash up on the shore. I’ll be back on the first of June with my newsletter and on June 7th I’ll be back here with a new blog post.

May Peace Be With You

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Lake Tomahawk

What’s Happening With My Book

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For those of you who aren’t subscribed to my newsletter, I’m posting my May 1st newsletter here so that you’ll know exactly what’s happening with my book.  It’s an exciting and busy time with lots of travel, exploring and learning new things.

memes-bea-chicago4I’ll be making my way to Chicago this afternoon. I’ll be sitting in the She Writes Press booth #1150 at Book Expo America for a few hours on Wednesday and Friday, doing a bit of book pitching and meeting fellow SWP authors. I’ll also get to meet my editor Annie, who I loved working with.  I will also wend my way through the crowd at this huge trade show to learn more about the publishing industry. My first book, Australian Locker Hooking, published in 1980, was self-published long before Indie Writers were doing their own thing. The changes in the industry and book marketing are huge and I want to learn all about it.

 

My Newsletter, May 1, 2016:

Last week I noticed a big box sitting on my front porch, and asked myself, What did I order that I really don’t need? Running late for my Pilates lesson, I brought the box indoors and left it on the hall table. I didn’t notice the return address. A few hours later between fixing dinner and feeding the dogs, I remembered the package. I still couldn’t remember having ordered anything and as I slit the top of the box open I grew more curious as I pulled out wads of white packing paper. There before my eyes were the Advanced Reader Copies of SCATTERING ASHES, A Memoir of Letting Go. I had completely forgotten that they would be arriving any day — in time for me to take them to Book Expo America in just two weeks. Oh yes, I needed them.

Holding the book in my hands I couldn’t believe that I had come this far. During the last few months there were times I felt it was all a dream and all the work I had done on this project was just a figment of my imagination. But no, there it was. Bill grabbed a copy for himself. When I told him it was only a galley and still needed proof reading, he said, “That’s okay. I want one of each.” We celebrated with a glass of wine and toasted to the book’s success.

I also have other irons in the fire heating up. Last week I ordered postcards to hand out to participants at BEA, and to send to those on my mailing list. They just arrived and they look great with a photo of the cover and several descriptive blurbs. They were designed by a great designer, Alex Baker, out in Seattle.

Last week I heard about the 2016 Journal Conference to be held in Hendersonville, North Carolina, the week after I return from Chicago. I threw my usual need to stay home for a while after a trip aside and signed up to be there. I will have just four days between trips to get laundry and other catching up activities done before I head out to what I believe is going to be a great conference.

I have been journaling for the past 35 years and those writings were extremely helpful to me as I began putting my story on paper. Writing daily journal entries was a huge part of my healing process as I struggled with PTSD and life as my mother’s caretaker. I’m looking forward to meeting other writers and journal keepers and want to begin the process of putting together my own ideas on how to help women in my own community begin keeping journals and writing their own stories as a way of healing the bumps and bruises that life has to offer.

Also happening: My publicist just sent out press releases and ARCs to several publications in hopes of having them write reviews. After I return from my trips I’m hoping to get a few articles written for various publications. Things just keep on happening and at times my excitement gets out of hand!.

I never woulda thunk this would be happening for me!

You can go ahead and preorder SCATTERING ASHES on either Amazon or Barnes & Noble now.

I Am Not A Wind Up Toy!

IMG_0070 (1)For the past month or so I’ve felt like a wind-up toy. I’ve gone from one thing to another just trying to keep up with everything that needed doing. Part of the problem is that in early January, my husband had knee surgery. I spent a good deal of time taking care of him, making sure that his ice machine was at the ready to keep the swollen surgical site comfortable, and preparing meals for someone who normally cooks half of them. I also had deadlines to meet with my publisher and a blog and newsletter to maintain.

Taking care of some one else is not always an easy task, and can result in exhaustion and speeding around like a tiny wind up car. If you’ve ever played with one, you know they move fast. They don’t see what’s ahead of them and crash head-on into walls and furniture. They don’t really cause any damage, but if they were much bigger, say the size of a human, they could. I want to stop crashing into things and causing havoc.

My studio has stacks of old receipts and brochures taking up residence on my work table. I can’t work on my visual journal if I can’t spread out. I need my paints, rubber stamps, hand-made papers and magazine clippings where I can see them, so that I can go to work the moment inspiration strikes. I need to clean it up!

The same thing goes for my head. If I don’t let go of the clutter taking up so much space in my brain, I won’t be able to think clearly and make room for any artistic notions that my muse slings my way. I’ve been spinning my wheels trying to get some traction so that I can move forward, but I haven’t had much luck. And just like my work table, my head needs to be cleared out.

The patient is almost completely healed now. He’s cooking dinner again, doesn’t need to be checked-up on constantly, and in just over a week, he’ll be able to drive himself around again, leaving me with more time. We’re both very tired of it all and will be happy to see the end of this little adventure.

IMG_0049I’m starting to take more time for myself. I went to yoga last week and because I had dental surgery yesterday, Pilates will have to wait until next week. I’m taking afternoon naps and moments to simply stare into space. I’m planning on cleaning up my studio this week so that I can get back to work without feeling squeezed out of my space. But most important of all I will begin honoring the word I chose to guide me this new year … MINDFUL. In my overwhelm over the past month or so, it never had a chance. My mind did not stop to notice what was happening around me. Someone just kept winding me up and kept me going, crashing in to things. Mostly myself.

Today I’m throwing the key away and switching gears.  I’m starting my year over and I’m already noticing how much better I feel.

Have you ever felt like a wind up toy?

The Necessity Of Water

“Happy is he who is awakened by the cool song of the stream, by a real voice of living nature. Each new day for him has the quality of birth.”
Gaston Bachelard

The South Fork Rivanna River

The South Fork Rivanna River

I’ve always been drawn to the water. Living on Long Island as a kid I was at the beach almost every day during the summer months. My last home there was located on a high tide inlet where, despite my difficult teen years, the presence of the water helped with my constant anxiety. We had a small skimmer with an outboard motor, behind which I learned to waterski. We gathered clams, oysters, and mussels that thrived in the sand, or the rocks along the shore. My youngest brother, Reid, a born naturalist, constantly wore a life preserver before he could swim. He caught tiny crabs and any other creatures he found in tide pools. We filled a glass tank with salt water from the sound and populated it with starfish, barnacles, clams, snails, small fish, and a host of other creatures we caught in our own watery back yard.

When I moved to Vermont after I graduated from high school, I missed the salt air, but there were plenty of lakes, ponds, and streams to jump into. And later here in Virginia I would spend ten years living on the banks of the South Fork Rivanna River. My mother spent most of her last seven years living there with Bill and me. Watching the daily movements and moods of the river, the birds, beavers, and otters kept me from totally losing my mind as I tried to help make Mom’s life as painless as possible. I know it also helped her and Bill as well.

Getting out on the water in my kayak was always a blessing. Alone in the sunshine, I often just drifted along, taking deep breathes. Some mornings found me totally overwhelmed not knowing how to manage my own life while taking care of Mom. I’d simply sit in my tiny yellow boat, head bowed to my lap, crying. Back on land, I felt peaceful, and knew the steps I had to take in order to make things somewhat easier, at least for the moment.

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Last week I heard a fascinating interview with Wallace J. Nichols, author of Blue Mind: The Surprising Science That Shows How Being Near, In, On , or Underwater Can Make You Happier. He proves what I’ve always intuitively known about water, but always thought it was just me … that the activity of our brain actually changes when we are close to or on water. Just listening to waves crash to shore can be a cure-all.

I was reminded of the week I recently spent on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Bill and I stayed in a rental home directly on the sound where I watched a great blue heron fishing each morning. We saw magnificent sunsets in the evening and twice a day, I took my dogs, Sam and Max for an ocean side beach walk, where they explored and rolled in all of the luscious, smelly things that had washed up on the shore. There were no deadlines, no phone calls, no have-to-do-now-things to keep me from just letting go. Without any effort, I slipped into a completely relaxed mode. I took naps. I ate seafood. I read books, and sat on the shore watching the water. I wanted to stay there forever.

It had been several years since our last vacation by the sea and I’d been feeling a pressing need to get to the water where I knew I’d be able to let go and untangle my thoughts and feelings about what was happening in my life. When I returned home, I was a completely new person, full of energy and ready to jump back into life.

Now reading Nichols’ book, I know that being on the water is a basic necessity for everyone, even if it’s only for one day or an hour. Just as our bodies need to rest, we absolutely must allow our brains to switch channels and rest. Nichols shows that soaking in a tub, or swimming in a pool can do the same thing for the brain as the ocean.

We spent 9 months adrift and growing in our mothers’ watery wombs. Without it we wouldn’t be alive. If we don’t continuously hydrate our bodies, we die. Taking time  to be near or in the water is the natural thing to do. Without that we’ll certainly have a much more difficult life.

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I finished up this visual journal piece while I was at the beach and later posted it in my first newsletter. I had painted the pages before I left for the Outer Banks, not knowing that they were illustrating my overwhelming  need to be near the water.

How does water fit into your life?

My next free newsletter will be sent out on November 1st.  To have it automatically delivered to your inbox sign up at the top of the page on the right hand side. Simply enter your first name and email address which always remain private, then click go.  

Getting Back On Track After A Long Hiatus

"Seeing," from my Artist's Journal

“Seeing,” an image from an old journal of mine

For the last three years, I’ve been working on a memoir that I knew, if nothing else, would be the basis of healing a life I sometimes thought was terribly broken. In doing so I left my visual work in painting and collage on the sidelines so that I could concentrate on the writing.

The journals that I’ve been keeping for years became an important part of the writing process that pulled up old memories. As I wrote about my relationship with my mother, and went back into those notebooks I was surprised by the visual journal entries I had made and had an itch to do more of these colorful entries.

But the words I needed for my book flew thick and fast and I had little time to pull out the paint, the glue sticks, and the stack of old magazines and other stuff I needed to work with. Some of those things were still packed away from our move in 2010. It seemed too complicated to go looking for them.

When my memoir went to my copy editor, I decided to start painting again. But the thought of smearing paint on a large canvas was daunting. I was so out of practice, I had no idea where to start.

With the thought of a small visual journal on my mind I began puttering around, looking for the perfect notebook, opening up old jars of acrylic paint that were mostly dried up, and saving bits of interesting pieces of paper.

I began cutting out words and images from worn out books, magazines and junk mail. I bought new paint, retrieved the old hand stamps I’d carved eons ago, with their dried up ink pads. I found a variety of sketch pads that I liked and added some new pens of various colors. I cleared off a good sized section of my work table that was covered with stacks of papers that needed filing and moved the boxes of encaustic paints I’d been working with prior to deciding to write a book, over to the side.

I put out the new paint, the sketchpads, the scissors, and glue sticks. For weeks I just stared at it all, wondering which sketch pad to use and where to start. Suddenly I didn’t like the paint colors I’d bought and whenever I was struck with an idea that got me excited, something came up that needed my attention. Of course those enticing images in my head were swept away in the tide of work I thought I had to attend to before I could allow myself to play.

Desperate and needing help to get started, I signed up for Lisa Sonora’s, on-line video workshop, Dreaming on Paper. Because I am an artist I felt shame for not being able to get going on my own. In my head a smart-ass voice kept asking, “What happened? Did you forget how to make art, dumbhead? That’ll teach you to go off and write a stupid book!”

Turning my practical, structured, and sometimes intolerant left brain switch to off, I watched Lisa’s first video, put on some classical guitar music, sat down at my work table and began. Oh how freeing it was to just smear paint around on the pages of a sketch pad … and get this, at Lisa’s suggestion, I started in the middle of the pad, rather than at the beginning. I began flipping through a few magazines lying around and tore out words that resonated with me. They seemed to come out of nowhere, and the first ones fell together by themselves: Where My Heart Is. From there it was a piece of cake without all the rich, fattening calories. I let it sit for a few days, went back to it and played around some more. I started using my hand stamps and writing whatever came to mind.

And guess what? There it was!

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It is not be the most beautiful or astonishing piece of art I’ve ever put together, but I’m getting back on track. Lisa Sonora’s video series is artful, helpful, and inspiring. Hopefully, I’ll turn this work into a practice giving words and images their due together in journal form.

Have you ever put work aside that you had difficulty getting back to later? What did you do to begin again?