What? Me Retired?

Last week when a friend asked me if I was making visual art or writing, I caught myself saying, “No, I’m retired.” Even though I haven’t been painting or writing much these days, I haven’t considered myself retired. I’m still busy as a bee and can’t seem to tell you where the days go. Since then I’ve found myself using that word more often, especially when it’s time to get up in the morning and I tell myself, “Oh, there’s plenty of time. After all, you are retired.”

Interestingly, I’ve recently talked to two artist friends my age or a bit older, and they tell me they aren’t making art either. They, like me are simply letting the days unfold before them and are enjoying things they haven’t done in a long while, like sleep in, travel, and not worry about tomorrow.

So I’m beginning to think that maybe I really am retired. I’m taking it easy, working on getting the kinks worked out of my stiff body, and enjoying extra sleep time. It’s time for lots of reading, writing in my journal, and eating foods grown on the lush farms all around me. Virginia Peaches are just coming in and their sweet juiciness is what summer is all about. Our farmer’s market is the place to go early on Saturday mornings if you want to fill your frig with the best veggies. It’s also where I often catch up with friends I haven’t seen in a while.

As a way of testing whether or not I’m retired, I’m taking some time off here and blogging only when I have something important or inspiring to say. Though we’re mostly at home this summer, we’re eyeing a lovely cruise up the New England and Canadian coast, then down the St. Lawrence Seaway in the fall. And who knows what else will present itself? I’m opening up my life and my days by leaning into the breeze and seeing where it takes me. I’m not giving up the visual art and writing ghosts at all. I’m simply allowing my muse the extra time and space she needs to fly.

See you next time! And have a wonderful summer!

Food And Cooking

My Christmas cactus always blooms at Thanksgiving!

My Christmas cactus always blooms at Thanksgiving!

I love to prepare meals and nourish my loved-ones with simple, delicious, healthy food. And I’m always happiest when the ingredients are local and organic. I especially enjoyed putting together our Thanksgiving meal last week. With my daughter, her partner, and the grandkids here, I found it especially rewarding to share the bounty of our local and organic gardens and farms.

I was first introduced to good food, when I was just a little kid. At the time I didn’t really appreciate the then yucky flavors that would one day become the those that are are my favorites. Take spinach for example. Once when I was about four years old, my mother warned me that there would be no dessert unless the spinach was gone from my plate. I hated spinach. When she wasn’t looking, I squirreled away of the dreaded green stuff by the forkful under the cushion I was seated on. I got my dessert that night, but she discovered the sticky mess the next day. I got into a bit of trouble.

These days, however, I adore spinach, especially cooked in a bit of olive oil and laced with lots of minced garlic. I also regularly add raw spinach to salads, frittatas and soups. You can never have enough leafy greens. I add garlic to almost everything I cook. When Bill and I eat out, our first critique of the food is often, “where’s the garlic?”

I haven’t cooked a huge holiday meal in many years. When it’s just  Bill and me, I prepare a lovely meal, but usually without the dessert and the multiple side dishes I like to prepare. Since we both have some weight issues, one of the house rules is that if you want a something sweet after a meal, you have to go out and enjoy it at the ice cream shop, or one of the fine bakeries nearby. And only one serving, please. If we brought home whole cakes, a dozen cookies, ice-cream by the pint, or any other tempting sweet, they’d be polished off within a few eye blinks.

This year I prepared my famous pumpkin pie which includes a few secret ingredients and is loved by all who take a bite. Being gluten free, I tried a piecrust made with coconut flour this year. Though everyone else liked it, I prefer the delicious nut crust I usually make. The secret ingredients include a layer of tart orange marmalade spread onto the crust before adding the pumpkin filling, to which I have added several tablespoons of brandy. Oh my, what a treat. I think I’m going to make it for Christmas dinner as well, just because we love it so much. Then back to no dessert in the New Year.

I also managed to prepare a knock-off of our favorite stuffing with dried Gluten free bread cubes I picked up the grocery store. The great taste comes from adding butter sautéed turkey giblets, onions, and again garlic. I also add diced apples, pecans, dried cranberries, homemade bone broth, an egg or two, and fresh cut sage, thyme, and parsley from my garden. We just finished off the leftover stuffing on turkey sandwiches that we also smother with homemade cranberry sauce. Oh, my gosh, YUM!

We’ve been eating high off the hog and we’re just finishing up the leftovers. I think I’m going to make the remaining sweet potato puree into muffins or a creamy soup to which I’ll add whatever grabs my fancy at the time. To the muffins I might add some walnuts and dried cranberries, or a dollop of cream cheese. To the soup, I’ll dilute the puree a bit with bone broth or coconut milk ing add some curry powder. Chick peas would give it bit of crunch, and a handful of greens of some kind, would add more color.

Ready to make turkey bone broth!

Ready to make turkey bone broth!

Yesterday I made bone broth from all the turkey bones, leftover skin, and whatever else remained. There is enough sliced turkey left to make a warming soup, a few more sandwiches, and we’ll finish off the bits and pieces with turkey fried rice.

For me preparing food is much like making art. You take your givens and make something beautiful by adding whatever else you find in the pantry or fridge. It’s a creative act and loads of fun. Along with writing, painting, and working in the garden, I do love cooking.

Do you like to cook and experiment with different ingredients in your kitchen? What kinds of things do you enjoy preparing most?

I hope your Thanksgiving was as wonderful as mine.
Guess what? There are more holidays just around the corner!

Mindfulness and Stress Release

Mindfulness is a massage for the mind and the heart.

ScatteringASHES_VERSA.inddI went on retreat this past weekend to Yogaville, just over an hour from home to pull myself together for this week’s book launch on Friday, September 30th, at 5:30 PM at the New Dominion Bookshop on Charlottesville’s Down Town Mall.

The past couple of weeks have been stressful. The last minute work of getting a book ready to go out into the world has been intense. Plus dealing with Bill’s highly successful shoulder surgery three weeks ago tomorrow,  wore me out. I simply needed to get away and rest. Once there, I was able to get some extra sleep, and enjoyed being with eight other souls looking for peace. Our teacher, Susan Stone was great, helping me find my way back to being nonreactive. I came away feeling two tons lighter and ready to let go of my mind’s constant disruptive rumblings.

I’ll be writing more about mindfulness and how necessary it is, in the coming weeks both here and in my newsletter, which will be a few days late this time around. I usually publish it on the first of each month but with my book launch on Friday, which is the last day of September, I’m going to give myself a few extra days to put it together. This past weekend reminded me that I am not a one-man-band and need to allow myself to take my time and enjoy the process.

Starting Over

Frog Yogi looks after me in my studio.

Frog Yogi looks after me in my studio.

I rarely get as much exercise in the summer as I do in the winter. This summer was no exception. WhenVirginia dog days set in and the temperatures and humidity rise, I get lazy. And even though I have a vintage cross-trainer in my studio along with air conditioning, I regularly avoid movement as much as possible. Of course, it could have something to do with aging, but still the longer I go without taking a good long walk or spend at least 30 minutes on my machine and another 30 minutes stretching, the more my body aches. My joints continue to stiffen as I promise that tomorrow I will get on the cross-trainer. But even crossing my heart and hoping to die, doesn’t change a thing. Even doing it once or twice a week during a heat wave, and feeling better for it, doesn’t change my attitude. I keep telling myself that I’ll do it tomorrow along with the million and half other things I’ve been promising to do. Hah! Sure!

I walk Sam and Max early every morning before I have breakfast and though it isn’t more than a ten or fifteen minute walk around the block with stops at every interesting smelling shrub, it helps me wake up. Later if I walk by myself and get some speed going or get on that gadget that takes up too much room in my studio, I do feel great. And for those like me who hold tension and anxiety in their bodies, movement helps me relax. I think of walking as my morning meditation. There is nothing but me moving. If I get sidetracked I simply go back to my breath and the one-two-three pattern of walking that helps to keep me physically balanced.

Over the last month or so, I’ve been kicking myself in the butt most days because I haven’t been keeping my promises to myself. I still do Pilates on Monday afternoon and Yoga on Friday morning, but the solo, out-of-breath work went down the tubes.

When the Olympics started two weeks ago, I was delighted spending my evenings being inspired by all of the athletes. I was especially moved by those who didn’t win, knew they wouldn’t, but did it anyway. Just like them, in my dreams I flew through the air,  twisted around, and landed perfectly upright on my feet.  I swam fast,  as though a shark was after me,  and dove into the pool, as gracefully as a any diving bird. I thought about all of the work it took to train and the passion one must have in order to participate in such an event.

My inner critic piped up every now and then to say, “Hey what’s wrong with you? You’re just a rotten couch potato.” Then pointing her finger at me, she’d say, “Well you are getting old. It’s time to quit that exercise stuff. It’s a waste of time. I’m sure that rocking chair in the window down at the furniture store is looking pretty good to you, huh?”

All I need is a challenge. So I’ve started over. It’s still mighty hot. The air is hazy and humid. But I’ve worked out on my cross trainer every day this past week. Yesterday a cold front came through. The morning was deliciously cool. I took  a good long walk in the morning chill and finished the day with my Pilates session.  No more excuses like I don’t have time, so I’ll do it tomorrow. I don’t need or want a medal. All I want and need is for my mind and body to feel good and the time to take care of myself. I suppose there may come a day when I can no longer walk, so as long as I can, I will.

Life is all about starting over again. Each morning we wake up to a new day and have an opportunity to keep the promises we made to ourselves. There will be days when we really don’t have time to do what we said we would do. There will be days when good or bad things happen and it just isn’t possible to cross things off our to-do lists. The point is that every moment, every hour, every day, we have the chance to  start over.

My use of sugar has been rising and as a sugar addict, I’m only hurting myself and possibly bringing on something that will cause other problems. So that will be my next restart. No more kicking myself in the butt.  I may slip once in a while but I will keep in mind I can start over again at any time!

What are you starting over?

Look for me tomorrow over at Dorothy Sander’s Voices of Wisdom series.

On Friday you will find me over at The Care Giver Space, where they are featuring an excerpt from my memoir, SCATTERING ASHES,
A Memoir of Letting Go.

I Am Not A Wind Up Toy!

IMG_0070 (1)For the past month or so I’ve felt like a wind-up toy. I’ve gone from one thing to another just trying to keep up with everything that needed doing. Part of the problem is that in early January, my husband had knee surgery. I spent a good deal of time taking care of him, making sure that his ice machine was at the ready to keep the swollen surgical site comfortable, and preparing meals for someone who normally cooks half of them. I also had deadlines to meet with my publisher and a blog and newsletter to maintain.

Taking care of some one else is not always an easy task, and can result in exhaustion and speeding around like a tiny wind up car. If you’ve ever played with one, you know they move fast. They don’t see what’s ahead of them and crash head-on into walls and furniture. They don’t really cause any damage, but if they were much bigger, say the size of a human, they could. I want to stop crashing into things and causing havoc.

My studio has stacks of old receipts and brochures taking up residence on my work table. I can’t work on my visual journal if I can’t spread out. I need my paints, rubber stamps, hand-made papers and magazine clippings where I can see them, so that I can go to work the moment inspiration strikes. I need to clean it up!

The same thing goes for my head. If I don’t let go of the clutter taking up so much space in my brain, I won’t be able to think clearly and make room for any artistic notions that my muse slings my way. I’ve been spinning my wheels trying to get some traction so that I can move forward, but I haven’t had much luck. And just like my work table, my head needs to be cleared out.

The patient is almost completely healed now. He’s cooking dinner again, doesn’t need to be checked-up on constantly, and in just over a week, he’ll be able to drive himself around again, leaving me with more time. We’re both very tired of it all and will be happy to see the end of this little adventure.

IMG_0049I’m starting to take more time for myself. I went to yoga last week and because I had dental surgery yesterday, Pilates will have to wait until next week. I’m taking afternoon naps and moments to simply stare into space. I’m planning on cleaning up my studio this week so that I can get back to work without feeling squeezed out of my space. But most important of all I will begin honoring the word I chose to guide me this new year … MINDFUL. In my overwhelm over the past month or so, it never had a chance. My mind did not stop to notice what was happening around me. Someone just kept winding me up and kept me going, crashing in to things. Mostly myself.

Today I’m throwing the key away and switching gears.  I’m starting my year over and I’m already noticing how much better I feel.

Have you ever felt like a wind up toy?