THE ABC’s OF RECOVERY FROM SHOULDER SURGERY

February 5, 2019 By

Here I am 3 weeks into the recovery of My right rotator cuff. I’m doing really well and continue to be free of pain. How lucky can a girl get? 

That’s not to say that living in this sling is easy. Needing help to take a shower, get dressed, and fix a meal aren’t things I’m familiar with.  I don’t want to spend the rest of my life depending upon everyone else, but  if that became a necessity I’d have to adjust, and could be a better person for it.

For me the biggest downer has been not being able to use my right hand to communicate. On day three, I attempted to do a crossword puzzle with my left hand. Although I finished the puzzle it was unreadable. But being what some people call stubborn, I decided I had to do something about the out of control pity party I was staging every day.

I decided to pick up every crossword puzzle I could find and even if I couldn’t complete them, I’d use them as a game to teach myself how to write with my left hand. I started printing out the alphabet with both capital and small letters every day with ole lefty. I wish I had saved the early attempts to show you, but I think you can still see the progress that I am making in these photos.  By the time the sling comes off in 3 to 4 weeks, I will be ambidextrous as far as writing is concerned. Will  I continue to use my left hand to write? Maybe, maybe not. If I don’t it will have been one of the challenges that I gave myself to get rid of my stinking thinking during my recovery.

Being a writer with a head full of ideas, typing with one finger isn’t any fun. It abounds with frustration and anger. So I’ve started dictating my thoughts to my computer. That would be great if the computer understood and spelled everything I was saying correctly. But it doesn’t. Therefore I’m learning to pronounce my words very carefully. Still there are lots of corrections to make. So as I dictate I use my left-hand and fingers to delete and correct what I’m writing.

But that is not the only problem. When my shoulder is completely recovered and I can go back to using my right hand I will be back in the flow where ideas flit about like fireflies on hot summer evenings. The flow of words I put down on paper by dictating are choppy and not particularly well written. I am told the reason for this is that these two ways of writing use different parts of the brain.

But you know me. I want to write when I want to write and to get out the words as often as possible. For someone who keeps a daily journal it becomes problematic in that I am not processing my thoughts as freely as I usually do. But I’m doing the best I can and for a little bit everyday try to express myself in a new way without getting too frustrated.

This is my effort for today. My brain is way ahead of where these words are coming from. But what I have written here helps soothe the path to full recovery of both my shoulder and my frustrated ego.

Filed Under: Navigating Through Life, Writing

The Lessons of Aging

January 22, 2019 By

I’m taking some time out to heal after successful rotator cuff surgery last Friday. Here, in my stead is my friend and fellow memoirist, Kathy Pooler, who like myself is taking the time to spread the word that the aging process isn’t as bad as many others lead us to believe.

 

“Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life—it has given me “me”. It has provided time and experience and failures and triumphs and time-tested friends who have helped me step into the shape that was waiting for me. I fit into me now. “~ Anne LaMott

 

I don’t think anyone really relishes the thought of getting older. Visions of incapacitated, crumpled bodies in nursing home wheelchairs is enough to set anyone on an age-defying track.  Unfortunately, many things are not within our control. While we still have our mental and physical function, I’d like to offer a perspective on the aging process, gained from my own lived experience.

Anne LaMott’s wise words remind me that the challenges that confront us can serve to mold us and make us stronger. And we all have our stories of conquering mountains and slaying dragons, especially as we age.

Is it any wonder that we relish our quiet time in our “Golden Years”?

At seventy-two and with a lot of chronic medical issues, I am embracing this time in my life where I can sit in solitude and stay out of the fray of daily life. I recall those days of frenzy when I rushed off to work after getting two kids fed and going. That was after refereeing their kitchen table debate, “He’s looking at me”, Leigh Ann screamed while Brian sat quiet and smug across the table. By the time I got to work, I felt I had put in eight hours.

So, I’m looking at all the ways that aging is good. I’m still here for starters and that wasn’t always a given. I remind myself often of the night I was diagnosed with Stage Four Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in December of 1996 and wondered if I would survive.

Twenty-three years later, I am here—aging, dealing with limitations, and grateful for the second chance at life. So, as the hot breath of aging breathes down my back, I’m finding reasons to embrace the passing years…

Here are some of the best things about growing old

Grandchildren—I am blessed to have ten grandsons and one curly-topped, feisty three -year old girl who all bring much joy to our lives. They pile in for pizza after playing paintball in the woods then gather around the table for laughing and sharing stories. Or I watch one grandson stealing the show at his basketball tournament and another winning his cycling race.

Studies show that seniors are among the happiest groups of people. Perhaps that’s because we finally develop better coping skills after being tested and we feel better about ourselves.

The Gift of Time with loved ones or time to pursue dreams.

Some people choose to volunteer. The point is that you can do whatever you want and need to do as long as you are physically able.

Wisdom. Don’t you feel you have gained wisdom in the fine art of living and being?

Because we have been through so much in our younger years, we can develop better social skills and endure hardships better. There’s no time or energy for drama.

Guaranteed Monthly Income, Medicare, Social Security. There’s a sense of security in getting that monthly paycheck.

 

Given this perspective, it’s time to embrace the lessons of aging. Let’s face it, some days are better than others but if I keep a spirit of gratitude for my second chance, I can make the most of the time I am still here.

 

When I think of aging with grace, a vision of my eighty-eight-year-old father pushing a walker and hooked to a portable oxygen tank as he walked around the track at the YMCA pops into my mind.

 

Or I think about my ninety-five-year-old mother who always made sure she was dressed to the hilt until the end—with make-up, matching silk scarf and jewelry.  Oh, occasionally, she would say, “Aging is for the birds” but the next day she’d chirp about how grateful she was.

If we’re lucky, we’re all going to age and with that comes the onset of major and minor maladies and declining function but let’s keep moving forward and make the most of each day.

***

How about you? Do you have any thoughts to add about aging?

 I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

 

Follow Kathy on her blog, “Memoir Writer’s Journey.” 

Her first memoir, Ever Faithful to his Lead: My Journey Away from Emotional Abuse, is available where ever fine books are sold.

She is currently at work on her second memoir, Just the Way He Walked: A Mother’s Story of Healing from Cancer and Her Son’s Alcohol Addiction. 

Filed Under: Aging, Gratefulness, Health and Wellnes

THE THREE Ps PLUS ONE MORE FOR GOOD MEASURE

January 9, 2019 By

My Pony Tail Plant never stops growing

This is the time of year when many of us are struggling to keep our New Year’s Resolutions.  Lose 10 pounds.  Workout at the gym 5 times a week. Stop buying books until you’ve gotten through the pile next to your bed.  Be kind to the people you find to be horribly difficult. Etc, etc. 

I’m not one for resolutions. Instead over the years I’ve opted to choose words that I would like to focus on for the coming year. They are words that I hope will help me work on a particular issue I’ve been struggling with which need of bit of extra attention. They’ve been successful most of the time. But occasionally I get caught up in other distractions and high dive into life without thinking much about what my focus is supposed to be.  

I sometimes wonder if I’m wasting my time but keep at it only because 6 to 8 months of working on one issue is better than nothing. Right now I have some burning issues and it’s time for me to get serious about cleaning up my act.  This past December I found three inspiring words that seem to fit together beautifully. My hope is they’ll start me on my way. I expect them to take me through some deep learning and bring me closer to the person I most want to be. I’m calling them The Three Ps.

The first P is for Presence. I no longer want to wander into the past regretting things that I’ve done.   What’s done is done. No amount of going back to see how I could have done something better will help me now. 

I also want to stop worrying about what tomorrow will bring. I simply want to trust that everything will work out, and that I’ll be able to handle whatever comes my way.  I wish to be in the now, working with what is before me in each and every moment. I want to be present with myself, noticing how my brain works.  Am I being as kind to myself as I am to others or am I constantly trashing what I do, giving myself a C or D instead of an A+ for my efforts? 

The second P is for Perspective. Instead of the same old, same old, I want to see and do things in a new way. It’s time for me to be more positive, knowing that I’ll always do the best I can. I hope to quit telling myself stories that are filled with doom, gloom, and all of the nasty things that could go wrong. I deeply believe that every negative experience holds a positive lesson. Why go for the worst when I can take the time to look through the grey clouds and find a patch of blue sky? Oh look, there’s a rainbow beginning to show behind the biggest black cloud of all.

 The third P is for Persistence.  Instead of of giving up when the first thing I try doesn’t work, I’d like to keep going and look for a way to get beyond what I don’t think is possible. As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “If you can’t fly, then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

  Just a few days ago, I added another P, because without it none of the above will work.  That P is for Patience. This work will take time. It will not necessarily be easy.  But I am certain that I can do it if I take my time and forgive myself when I stumble.  Nothing is perfect, especially human beings like me.    

How about you?  Have you a resolution or word you’re grabbing onto to help you through another year?

*********

NEWS …  On January 18th, I will have rotator cuff surgery to repair a number of tears in my right shoulder. I may be unable to type or write for a few weeks, so on January 23rd, I will be featuring a post by my friend, Kathy Pooler, who will share her list of what she’s learned about aging.  Be sure to check out her memoir, Ever Faithful to his Lead: My Journey Away from Emotional Abuse, available on Amazon.

Depending on how I’m feeling after the surgery, I may miss a few posts.  I will be in a sling for 6 weeks and I’m not sure how easily I’ll be able to type. But I just learned how to dictate to my computer and I’ll be playing with that feature.  We’ll see how it works!

Filed Under: A New Year, Intentions, Navigating Through Life

Beginning Again

December 26, 2018 By

Here we are again at the end of another year. On January 1, 2019, we will  have traveled around the sun 365  times since January 1, 2018. During that time, we’ll have experienced the longest day of the year as well as the shortest day of the year.  We will have witnessed the ever changing phases of the moon, weather patterns, births, deaths, sunrises, sunsets, and government upheaval.  We’ll have felt joy, sadness, grief, anger, fear, depression and a host of other feelings that can change from season to season, from day to day, and minute to minute. 

We move in huge endless cycles but when we get to December each year, we talk about THE END. We get to revisit all of the important events of the past year via the media, social or otherwise, and begin making resolutions to change what we haven’t been happy with during the last cycle. 

 We try to lose weight, pretend we’re not aging, and that the cane we keep losing as we move about our lives, belongs to someone else.  We try giving up habits that mostly limit us, and we pray that the all of the world will become more peaceful and safe for all living beings. 

We party through the night on December 31st, kissing our loved ones as the old year ends and the new one begins.   We chow down on black-eyed peas and collard greens, drink strong black coffee, and try to remember to write the correct year on the checks we will write during the next few days.

On January 1, 2019, I will have spent 1 year and some 45 days in a new home that I plan on staying in for a long time. I will have finished writing the last page of the journal I began keeping on January 1, 2018 and will begin filling a new notebook with my thoughts, feelings, and writing ideas for the coming year.

 In early December of last year, my son and his wife, Jane, lost their beloved daughter, Casey, and now celebrate the birth of their first grandchild, little Ava, who was born in September.  

We have celebrated our granddaugter’s graduation from high school, and the beginning of her college years. We have celebrated our grandson’s magical growth, as well as Bill’s and my marriage of 53 years. For every tear we have shed during the past year, we have many more reasons to be grateful for all that we have.

Is there really an end to it all?  I don’t think so. There is only the past, the present, and the future.  They  will continue to repeat themselves over and over again. As every ending comes along there will be a new beginning. The past is gone, never to be forgotten or relived. The present is now, as I write this blog post and Max snuggles at my feet. The future is what comes next … unpredictable, filled with surprises, celebrations, and terribly painful loss.

I love the following words from F. Scott Fitsgerald:

For
what
it’s worth;
it’s never too late,
or in my case, too early
to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit,
stop whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same.
There are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it.
And I hope you see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things you have never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of.
If you find you are not,
I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

Wishing you and yours Happy Holidays and and a New Year filled with exciting possibilities. 

Filed Under: A New Year, Christmas, The Journey

Facebook, Time, and Snow

December 12, 2018 By

It’s really interesting how things change when you let go of nasty old habits.

 As most of you know I decided to quit Facebook because of the site’s political activity that I was addicted to. I was anxious, depressed, and feeling hopeless. I was using up lots of time reading, commenting, and sharing everything I felt everyone needed to know about our country’s situation. I had little time to do anything else, especially things I’ve always loved to do like taking walks, reading, and writing. 

My first step was to take both the Facebook and Twitter apps off my iPhone. Instead of checking them out at every stop light on my way to an  appointment, I found myself a safer driver. Now I turn on my phone only to find out what time it is or to see if there are any emails I need to respond to quickly. In waiting rooms I now thumb through magazines or better yet, simply close my eyes and meditate. 

I then decided to make it official and get rid of any connection with Facebook altogether by closing my account except for my Author Page. I clicked all the buttons to make it go away. But it didn’t disappear. I thought that maybe it would take time to close an account and that it would happen next week or next month. It’s still with me though. and I’ve come to the conclusion that I didn’t click on the correct buttons. 

The interesting thing is that checking in on Facebook every couple of days has become fun. It’s a great way to see what’s going on with my kids and grandkids. By staying away from social media I’ve gained so much time, that it’s incomprehensable. I can’t imagine why I’ve hung on for so long.

I now have plenty of time to read, take cat naps, and simply stare into space which is something that is a necessity in my life.  It’s in that almost empty space that new ideas come to me and I’m able to make thoughtful decisions.  

We had our first snowfall of the season this past Saturday.  I took most of the day to watch large, fluffy flakes cover the ground. The weather forecasts were extremely amusing. At first we were supposed to have a dusting.  Then it was 3 to 4 inches. In the end we got 10 Inches.  

There’s a gorgeous winter wonderland out there. The birdfeeders are alive with activity, and the chaos of hungry birds seems to be unending.  There are our resident Bluebirds, Carolina Wrens, Finches, Sparrows, and Juncos.  New to the feeders this year are Chickadees and a few Cardinals.

By letting go of a bad habit and getting myself out of that old Facebook trap, I’m more mindful and happy to be back in the world that lives just outside my kitchen windows.

Have you let go of any time sucking habits lately?  Was it worth it?  I’d love to hear how you did it and what you’ve gained.

Filed Under: Change, Intentions, Self-Care
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