I’m Home Again!

February 7, 2012 By

This last week was one of the most awesome getaways I’ve ever had.  My dear friend Sharon and I spent the week at her oceanfront condo on Hutchinson Island in Florida.   It was heavenly.

We walked the beach daily collecting treasure … rocks, shells and whatever else of interest that washed up on the shore.  We watched pelicans, sanderlings, gulls and my favorite of all, magnificent Frigate Birds soaring above us.  On our first morning there, Portuguese Men-of-War, from tiny babies to adults,  carpeted the beach in their airy blue and pink regalia, threatening walkers with their toxic tendrills spread about them.  They disappeared the next day, and we only spotted one or two through the ensuing days.

My collection of hearts!!

There were no rules and regulations, except for the one below.  Being in Florida where Boomers and us older folks gather in winter, you’ve got to be careful. Little people are not the only ones who wear diapers :)!!

No Diapers!

We awoke when we felt like it and stayed up one night until one in the morning talking and puzzling over the state of the world. We ate when we were hungry enjoying fresh watermelon and berries, yummy salads … chicken, couscous with olives and feta, green leafy ones with artichoke hearts, avocado, and crunchy broccoli slaw.

Most of all we played and got to know each other better.  I found myself being more honest and open than I can ever remember.  Sharon can listen and catch things long before I can figure out what I’ve said. So it was also a huge learning time.

On Sunday, my last day, we went to a birthday party for two sets of twins who had just turned one.  Members of Sharon’s extended family, they were born to two loving women who live together and decided to have a family.  They both got pregnant and both bore twins, all born on the same day.  There are three boys and one girl, all beautiful, and being cared for by two of the best mommies in the world with help from grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  Both moms teach school. They are better women than I could ever be.  Two kids, three years apart were all I could handle, never mind being with other people’s kids all day long.

It was a delightful party. Sharon’s family members were welcoming and loving.  A family group of individuals like that one might not necessarily agree with each other on a lot of issues, but they get along and do love each other. My own relatives, scattered across the country have never been close. We rarely see or talk with each other unless someone dies.  Being with Sharon’s down-to-earth, soulful people was an experience I’ve rarely encountered.  I’m just a mite envious of her.

I am happy to be home. It’s cold but there are many sweet memories from this past week that will warm me through the rest of Virginia’s winter days.

Hug a friend and celebrate who they are!!

I walked on Sharon's Beach every day!

Filed Under: family, Friendships, Gratefulness, The Sea, Travels

Melt Down

January 25, 2012 By

In the process of preparing a stew to throw in the crock pot, get the laundry in and simply neaten up the place after days of stagnation and being sick, I suddenly realized that I have today, tomorrow and Thursday to get my act together.  On Friday I’ll go up to DC to see a few shows and maybe a museum or gallery. Returning late on Saturday, I’ll pack a bigger bag and head to Florida on Monday morning where I’m looking forward to spending a week with a friend.

After four days of feeling crappy, I’m feeling somewhat better.  I can breathe, though sometimes I’ll have one of those coughing spells that makes me sound like the Bloodhound who lives up the street. My energy is returning slowly. Just not fast enough for ME.

ME, I, whoever! The part of Joan that likes to keep moving, doesn’t like to sit for long periods of time, and starts telling herself stories when she can’t do what she wants.  The story about being sick and how she hasn’t exercised in days and is sure she’s gained ten or twenty pounds by now.  The story about all the stuff that she didn’t get done because she was sick and how in the world is she going to get it all done before leaving on Friday.

Mostly it’s a story about feeling sorry for herself and another story she was planning to get started writing this past week.  A story that is crucial to her memoir project, filled with lessons. She was driven to begin the writing when that dang cold came to visit.  Her head hurt most of the time and it was hard to breathe. She was terribly tired.  Her husband was away and somehow she had to keep up with taking care of the pets and feeding herself.  During all of that, the inspiration for writing the story for her memoir slipped away into the ether and the page where it was to start remains empty.

Then this afternoon she had to go out briefly and realized that the sun was shining and she didn’t need a sweater or a coat because it’s sixty-one degrees.  She saw the moss that grows on the stonewall green and glowing after several days of rain, snow and sleet.  She saw daffodils peeking through the still wet garden soil and a shrub beginning to exhibit its tiny white flowers.

At that moment Joan’s other part came alive realizing that she’d not been living in the here and now, not living her intentions, not trusting that when the writing wants to happen it will happen and that being sick is not the end of the world.  She forgot that taking care of herself, without stress and strain is the most important thing she can do for herself.  After all, last week was supposed to be a retreat!  Why not be sick?  Thank goodness she’ll be better for her trip!

Things will be on the quiet side here until she returns tanned, renewed and ready to tackle whatever comes her way.  Spring is not far off.  Let’s all watch the slow unfolding of the season and live each moment as it is.

Filed Under: Memoir, Navigating Through Life, Retreats, The Seasons, Travels

One Day At A Time

January 16, 2012 By

Lily having a cat nap. I may join her!

Today is the beginning of my weeklong retreat right here in my house.  Bill ships out in the morning for one of his “New York Theatre Binges.”  He is a theatre man, through and through.  He acts, he directs, he writes plays and teaches about most of the above.  His binges entail going up to the Big Apple and seeing as many On, Off, and Off-Off Broadway shows he can fit in during four or five days.  On matinee days he sees two.  On days when there are no matinees, he’ll also take in a movie or two … mostly Independent films that will likely never make it to Charlottesville.  He has five days this time. There will be a host of people waiting to hear his opinions about what he saw on his blog, View in the Dark, which he only seems to keep up with after one of his treks to the big city.

I don’t join him on these binges because I don’t like to spend my days sitting in dark rooms, no matter how good the play.  When I do go with him it’s a different trip entirely.  If the weather is nice and warm they we will take a trip to Central Park to just sit and watch people living their real-life dramas … walking their dogs, rushing, arguing, playing soccer or baseball.  We will see a number of plays and movies, but we’ll also go to at least one art museum or gallery.  I like to just ride the bus sometimes and watch the city unfold from my window seat. We might visit Ellis Island or some other place of interest.  We always eat extremely well, having a big meal at noon and snacking in the evening.  It’s lots of fun and I love going with him, just not in January, when cold winds whistle through New York’s grand canyons.

So it’s here I’ll stay this time to look after myself, the cats and the dog.  I’ve not got much planned.  I will pretend I am not here, I will write, I will read, I will eat well and I will exercise.  I have no appointments and can do whatever I want to do, whenever I want, without worrying about anyone else. I will miss my man very much, but these little mini-breaks from each other are what I swear keeps our marriage so delicious.  He’ll get the same kind of break at the end of this month when I go off to visit a friend in Florida for a week.  We both love our at-home-alone times.

Even though Bill is still here, I’ve already started doing my own thing.  I’m sitting here in damp sweats having exercised and stretched.  It’s almost noon and it feels good to not have to be anywhere.  I love to let the day unfold before me without a long list of places to be and things that must get done. Last week I started cleaning up the clutter on my desk and there is only one stack of papers left to go through.  Maybe this afternoon, maybe not.  One breath, one day at a time.

Filed Under: marriage, Retreats, Travels

New Beginnings

January 6, 2012 By

Zoe, Bill (also known as Granddaddy), and Noah reading Brer Rabbit.

I’m tired.  The period between Thanksgiving and January 1st, always leaves me out of breath and exhausted.  There is too much to do. Time to write, paint or stare into space is diminished.  Instead I get pulled into the rush, rush of the season, stay up too late, get up too early and am tempted by the yumminess that pervades store shelves, edible and otherwise.  It isn’t that the holidays are nasty. It’s that these big celebrations come all at once and last for well over a month.

Bill and I had a fun visit with our daughter, her partner and our two amazingly wonderful grandchildren in North Carolina.  We rented a small Townhouse just a quarter of a mile from their house for a week.  We took turns cooking, went to see the movie, Tin Tin on Christmas eve, and spent Christmas morning wading through gift wrap. Zoe spent two nights with us, Noah only one.  He said he heard strange noises in the night and couldn’t sleep.  We did a lot of walking and I was thrilled that Lisa took me to her Groove class, a delightful dance/exercise class featuring fantabulous music and soaking wet clothing by the end of the hour.  The weather was cold but perfect.

This morning, I’m finally feeling that I can get back to things I left on the back burner while I was otherwise engaged.  Last night, I decided it was time to get over the big overwhelm and holiday grind.  I plan to take a long walk today instead of going to Yoga.  The day is sunny and on the warm side.  I slept in until 7:30 (I know, I know!) and took my time walking Sam and having my breakfast.  From my kitchen window, I caught a glimpse of a neighbor I haven’t seen in months and ran out to give her a hug and meet her new dog, Mystique.  It felt wonderful to renew our connection and we promised to get together soon for tea and allow Sam and Mystique get to know each other.

I’ll tackle the heaps of paper surrounding my computer.  They keep sliding down onto my mouse pad, making writing extremely difficult at times.  And then there is the stuff in my head that needs attention.  Things I haven’t had time to write about, like the fact that I have made the commitment to write a memoir.  It’s been hard for me to say it out loud or to jot it down on paper because once I put it out there it becomes a fact. I can’t hide from myself anymore or the voice of my inner critic who screeches, “Who the !#@$ do you think you are?  Write a memoir?  You can’t do that.  There is nothing in your life that other people would be interested in reading!!”

Sound silly? I think it’s pretty typical and since that screechy voice comes from someone I envision as being about three feet tall and wears her hair standing on end, I can only laugh.  I tell her,  “It’ll be okay.  I am writing a memoir … because I can, because I want to, because I need to understand who I really am and how I got that way. I can file away all my stories in my head, but they will never become clear to me until they are written down on paper.”

Bill is going on a trip for a week this month.  I’ll use the time to tend to myself and retreat from the usual business I get bogged down in.  I did it for a week in the fall at the beach and it was lovely. At home I’m tempted to ramp up that kind of alone time with too much stuff. Since I’ll miss Bill, keeping busy helps the time pass quickly until his return.  But I won’t do that this time.  I plan on rolling in and out of bed when I feel like it, not knowing how the day will unfold.  I’ll just let it happen. Let it be a surprise. Take long walks, deep breaths, write, read and leave the holiday season behind for another year.

Filed Under: Christmas, Classes, family, Memoir, Navigating Through Life, Retreat & Workshops, stories, Thanksgiving, Travels

Setting My Intention For The New Year

December 28, 2011 By

Pepper having a cat nap.

Here we are at the end of another year.  It has been a rich one filled with insights, lessons and lots of love.  Instead of making New Years resolutions at year’s end, I like to choose a word that I will carry with me through the next twelve months.  In 2010 it was the word “open” as a way to allow newness into my life.  It’s easy to dismiss different ways of doing something or trying something you’ve never done before because it might be frightening. But new ideas give me a much broader perspective of everything around me. It makes life that much more interesting, turning it into a wonderous adventure.  In 2011 I chose “slowly” as my word.  As a result of these two special words, I’m much more open to trying new ideas, tastes, and listening to what others have to say. I refuse to be rushed, take my time making decisions and have slowed my daily pace to include more spaciousness. The knock-down-drag-out battle I’ve always waged with “the clock”  has become a mere discussion.  And should the discussion get too loud it’s easy to remind myself to slow down by simply repeating the word “slowly” to myself.

Now it’s time to choose another word. This is the year that so many have said will be BIG in so many ways.  The Mayan calendar runs out and big changes are predicted.  Some say the world as we know it will end. There are numerous conspiracy theories floating about and I’ve read that people selling survival gear will make a bloody fortune during the coming months.  At best, it sounds like it could be a difficult time, especially when it comes to the economy.

But I am not a fortune-teller.  I cannot predict how I will be feeling twenty minutes from now, much less what 2012 will bring.  How to deal with such dire predictions?

I’ve been thinking long and hard about what word to choose for this next year and couldn’t come up with much of anything that seemed suitable to me.  I thought “courage,” was a good one, but heard a little whisper that said there is another more important word  just waiting for me to discover it. A few days before Christmas it came to me like a shooting star out of a dark, moonless night.

I’ve always been a worrier.  Since losing Molly, a month ago, I’ve been worried about my cat, Peppermint, who has some brain inflammation that the Vet says can be managed if we can figure out which medicine to use and how much of it she’ll need.  Her perfect, little, round head has always tilted to the left and she’s always had trouble finding her balance and judging distances.  But the last few months have found her unable to walk at times, falling over on her left side when she tries to move.  She has difficulty eating and often hides on her bad days away from inquiring eyes. But when she feels good, she’s a happy, devil kitty who gathers pens and pencils from the tops of tables and desks scattering them around the house. She loves nothing more than to lie curled up next to me or in my lap as I read or write in my journal, making the furniture vibrate with her purr.  Just before leaving to spend the Christmas holiday in North Carolina with my family, she was having one of those difficult periods.

Since my usual house sitter was unavailable to take care of the cats, I had arranged to leave them at a kennel.  It’s difficult for me to do that because I HATE caging them for any length of time. They are all rescues and have already spent too much time behind bars.  And to leave a sick cat was not something I wanted to do.

On our way to the vet a few days before I had to leave, I asked Peppermint to tell me what she wanted.  Was she ready to throw in the towel and head for the Rainbow Bridge or did she want us to keep trying to help her?  She’d been feeling pretty ghastly for a few days and I was ready to let her go if that is what would be best for her.

In the exam room, Pepper tottered around, like a drunk but then began purring and rubbing up against my husband’s leg. He had come along  just in case there was a terrible, heart breaking decision to be made.  She purred for Richard, her doctor, and flipped her tail about in anger when he did something that made her feel uncomfortable.  We discussed what our options were and since she’d virtually come to life on the exam table I took it to mean that she wanted to keep trying.  So we upped her dose of prednisone and decided to give us all more time to see how it goes.  Two days later, she was feeling better and I dropped her off for her little “vacation” at the kennel.  I simply decided to “trust” that she would be fine at least until I returned.

All the worrying in the world will not change what the future will bring. If the world ends next year or if Pepper gets sicker and there is nothing we can do for her, it is the way it’s going to be.  I can change none of that. What I can do is live in this moment, the only one I have.  It’s more valuable to live out in the big world even when it seems to be falling down around us than to stay cooped up in a cave, waiting for the worst to happen.

I won’t sit here waiting to see what will happen.  I’ll try my best to live in each and every moment.  I’ll stay out in the sunshine and in the storm. I’ll make decisions and  choose my direction based on what I know and feel in my gut, trusting my instincts.  And I’ll work every day on the memoir I’m writing.  I’ve not been great at doing that, but I’m about to spend the next year working on my intention to believe in myself and to trust that all will unfold as it is supposed to.  It will take courage, but if my new word “TRUST” works out as well as the others have,  it will be a winner.

Filed Under: Animals I Love, Christmas, Navigating Through Life, Travels
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