THE THREE Ps PLUS ONE MORE FOR GOOD MEASURE

January 9, 2019 By

My Pony Tail Plant never stops growing

This is the time of year when many of us are struggling to keep our New Year’s Resolutions.  Lose 10 pounds.  Workout at the gym 5 times a week. Stop buying books until you’ve gotten through the pile next to your bed.  Be kind to the people you find to be horribly difficult. Etc, etc. 

I’m not one for resolutions. Instead over the years I’ve opted to choose words that I would like to focus on for the coming year. They are words that I hope will help me work on a particular issue I’ve been struggling with which need of bit of extra attention. They’ve been successful most of the time. But occasionally I get caught up in other distractions and high dive into life without thinking much about what my focus is supposed to be.  

I sometimes wonder if I’m wasting my time but keep at it only because 6 to 8 months of working on one issue is better than nothing. Right now I have some burning issues and it’s time for me to get serious about cleaning up my act.  This past December I found three inspiring words that seem to fit together beautifully. My hope is they’ll start me on my way. I expect them to take me through some deep learning and bring me closer to the person I most want to be. I’m calling them The Three Ps.

The first P is for Presence. I no longer want to wander into the past regretting things that I’ve done.   What’s done is done. No amount of going back to see how I could have done something better will help me now. 

I also want to stop worrying about what tomorrow will bring. I simply want to trust that everything will work out, and that I’ll be able to handle whatever comes my way.  I wish to be in the now, working with what is before me in each and every moment. I want to be present with myself, noticing how my brain works.  Am I being as kind to myself as I am to others or am I constantly trashing what I do, giving myself a C or D instead of an A+ for my efforts? 

The second P is for Perspective. Instead of the same old, same old, I want to see and do things in a new way. It’s time for me to be more positive, knowing that I’ll always do the best I can. I hope to quit telling myself stories that are filled with doom, gloom, and all of the nasty things that could go wrong. I deeply believe that every negative experience holds a positive lesson. Why go for the worst when I can take the time to look through the grey clouds and find a patch of blue sky? Oh look, there’s a rainbow beginning to show behind the biggest black cloud of all.

 The third P is for Persistence.  Instead of of giving up when the first thing I try doesn’t work, I’d like to keep going and look for a way to get beyond what I don’t think is possible. As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “If you can’t fly, then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

  Just a few days ago, I added another P, because without it none of the above will work.  That P is for Patience. This work will take time. It will not necessarily be easy.  But I am certain that I can do it if I take my time and forgive myself when I stumble.  Nothing is perfect, especially human beings like me.    

How about you?  Have you a resolution or word you’re grabbing onto to help you through another year?

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NEWS …  On January 18th, I will have rotator cuff surgery to repair a number of tears in my right shoulder. I may be unable to type or write for a few weeks, so on January 23rd, I will be featuring a post by my friend, Kathy Pooler, who will share her list of what she’s learned about aging.  Be sure to check out her memoir, Ever Faithful to his Lead: My Journey Away from Emotional Abuse, available on Amazon.

Depending on how I’m feeling after the surgery, I may miss a few posts.  I will be in a sling for 6 weeks and I’m not sure how easily I’ll be able to type. But I just learned how to dictate to my computer and I’ll be playing with that feature.  We’ll see how it works!

Filed Under: A New Year, Intentions, Navigating Through Life

Beginning Again

December 26, 2018 By

Here we are again at the end of another year. On January 1, 2019, we will  have traveled around the sun 365  times since January 1, 2018. During that time, we’ll have experienced the longest day of the year as well as the shortest day of the year.  We will have witnessed the ever changing phases of the moon, weather patterns, births, deaths, sunrises, sunsets, and government upheaval.  We’ll have felt joy, sadness, grief, anger, fear, depression and a host of other feelings that can change from season to season, from day to day, and minute to minute. 

We move in huge endless cycles but when we get to December each year, we talk about THE END. We get to revisit all of the important events of the past year via the media, social or otherwise, and begin making resolutions to change what we haven’t been happy with during the last cycle. 

 We try to lose weight, pretend we’re not aging, and that the cane we keep losing as we move about our lives, belongs to someone else.  We try giving up habits that mostly limit us, and we pray that the all of the world will become more peaceful and safe for all living beings. 

We party through the night on December 31st, kissing our loved ones as the old year ends and the new one begins.   We chow down on black-eyed peas and collard greens, drink strong black coffee, and try to remember to write the correct year on the checks we will write during the next few days.

On January 1, 2019, I will have spent 1 year and some 45 days in a new home that I plan on staying in for a long time. I will have finished writing the last page of the journal I began keeping on January 1, 2018 and will begin filling a new notebook with my thoughts, feelings, and writing ideas for the coming year.

 In early December of last year, my son and his wife, Jane, lost their beloved daughter, Casey, and now celebrate the birth of their first grandchild, little Ava, who was born in September.  

We have celebrated our granddaugter’s graduation from high school, and the beginning of her college years. We have celebrated our grandson’s magical growth, as well as Bill’s and my marriage of 53 years. For every tear we have shed during the past year, we have many more reasons to be grateful for all that we have.

Is there really an end to it all?  I don’t think so. There is only the past, the present, and the future.  They  will continue to repeat themselves over and over again. As every ending comes along there will be a new beginning. The past is gone, never to be forgotten or relived. The present is now, as I write this blog post and Max snuggles at my feet. The future is what comes next … unpredictable, filled with surprises, celebrations, and terribly painful loss.

I love the following words from F. Scott Fitsgerald:

For
what
it’s worth;
it’s never too late,
or in my case, too early
to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit,
stop whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same.
There are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it.
And I hope you see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things you have never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of.
If you find you are not,
I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

Wishing you and yours Happy Holidays and and a New Year filled with exciting possibilities. 

Filed Under: A New Year, Christmas, The Journey

Trusting In The New Year Ahead

January 1, 2018 By

As a child I moved constantly. My dad was an architect/ home builder and we often lived in half built houses while he finished them off and then sold them. It was a pain of course having to change schools, leaving “best” friends behind, and feeling my way during those first weeks in new schools and neighborhoods. I did it though, often missing what I’d left behind. It wasn’t until I was in highschool that I stayed in the same school with the same classmates that I finally felt I really had a home. But when I graduated I moved to Vermont with my parents and went to college there. Another new beginning. Bill and I met there, got married there, and that’s where our kids were born.

We left Vermont in 1979 and came to Virginia where we’ve been ever since. For the most part I love the weather, except for  hot and humid July and August. The rest of the year is pretty awesome though. We moved here to the Charlottesville area in 1985. Since then we have moved three times within this community. Each place we have landed was perfect for us at the time and when we needed something new we moved on.

We’re still in Charlottesville and continue loving it. The new home we moved into in November is perfect for us right now. We’ve been able to simplify and find that aging is easier than it would have been in the lovely home we recently left. This place is smaller, better organized, and easier to take care of. And we continue to still have the friends we made here.

We’re still getting settled, but we’re warm and cozy and enjoying the array of birds at our new birdfeeder. Even the resident blue birds come to feed. I’ve never had them come to a seed feeder before. When summer comes I’ll be offering them meal worms to keep them around. Our aging kitty, Lilliput, is now an indoor cat and is no longer a threat to the avian and rodent communities around us.

All of us have just moved into a new year. There will be more fresh starts and adventures ahead. What are you hoping for in 2018? What will bring all of us joy during the next 12 months? What will we bring with us that will sustain us during possible trials ahead?

I’m bringing TRUST as my word for the coming days and continue to work with last years word, PAUSE, which I still need to work on. I trust that the days ahead will be filled with love, kindness and ease. I hope to continue to pause when life gets tough, remembering all of the things that I am so grateful for … including family, friends, and you, my followers.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Filed Under: A New Year, Aging, Birds, Gratefulness

The Word for 2017

January 3, 2017 By
When you see the light stop and take another deep breath.

When you see the light, stop and take another deep brea

Wow, Happy New Year!  Where does the time go?

We’ve all had people tell us, “Life ain’t easy.” And all of us would like to escape the pain and anxiety brought on by that thing called life, especially those things that we have no control over. We constantly struggle to set things straight and keep our hearts from aching. We cling to the past, take revenge, utter nasty words, give those who disparage us the finger, and maybe worse. Loss, illness, rejection,the political situation in our country and the world, can send of us off into a state of rage, depression, and angst that keeps chewing at us until there is little of us left. We give up, slam a door behind us, climb into our caves, and rant to ourselves and anyone else who will listen.

One of those things I have always struggled with, especially in the last couple of months, is my reactivity. Like when someone says something nasty or critical to me or someone I care about. Or when another driver parks his or her car in the spot I’ve been trying to get into for the last 15 minutes. Or when I’m on a six hour flight and am seated next to a screaming toddler and a parent who doesn’t know how to handle her child. I can also be triggered by certain words, people who look like other people who have been abusive, and certain public figures.

Too often I embarrass myself with snide remarks, critical push back,  nasty looks, or sighs that can only mean I’m pissed off. While I experience brief satisfaction in doing those things, it never lasts. I break down in tears because I’ve made such an ass of myself, along with feeling a deep sense of shame. None of that does anything for my sense of self-esteem.

You’d think that after living with my mother for seven years and writing a book about it, that I’d be an expert at pausing before putting my foot in my mouth. But being as human as anyone else, I tend to forget what I’ve learned. I’m always amazed  how certain issues we thought we were done with rear their ugly heads somewhere down the road, reminding us that we’re truly never done.

So once again I’m planning to seriously work on this problem by relearning to PAUSE before I react.  If I can count to ten, take several deep breaths before I say a word, or take a quick time out, perhaps I can tame my wild feelings.

So I’m saying,“whoa,” to myself. I’ve chosen PAUSE as my word for 2017, in hopes of leaving that ugly part of myself behind. I’ve made little signs as reminders to stop and breathe. I’ve taped them in places where I’ll see them every day. There is one at the bottom of my computer screen, and one on the mirror in my bathroom.

I also plan to take time to pause in other areas of my life. It will help  me to stop and rest when I’m feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
And perhaps the PAUSE sign on the refrigerator help tame my appetite after having spent the last two months overindulging in the season’s fabulous food.

Do you take time to pause before reacting to a difficult situation?

Have you chosen a word for this New Year?

Filed Under: A New Year, Intentions, The Journey Tagged With:

Taking Time Out

December 5, 2016 By
After the Rain, December 1, 2016

After the Rain, December 1, 2016

This is what I wrote in my Newsletter on December 1st. I’m passing it on to you, my blog readers, so that you’ll know that I won’t be posting for the rest of this month.

Oh my gosh, it’s December 1st, and with Thanksgiving and all the holiday preparations, I haven’t written anything ahead of time for this newsletter as I usually do.

I do have news, though. And that is that I’ve decided to take the month of December off from the internet. I will not post any blog posts until January. I’ve gotten overwhelmed and lost in the drama and emotional results of the election. I need time to find myself again and reconnect with my muse and spirit. I want to concentrate on positive things and prepare myself should political holy hell break loose after the inauguration.

I will be checking my emails and reading blog posts, and if something of interest shows up, especially on writing and books, I’ll post it on my author page on Facebook and on Twitter. I will send my next newsletter of January 1st, and my first blog post of 2017 on January 3rd.

I send you warm wishes for a peaceful and happy holiday season, and may the New Year bring us all together so that our world will be a gentle place where we can all live in love, safety and peace.

“We’re always in some kind of mood. It might be sadness, it might be anger, it might be not much of anything, just a kind of blur. It might be humor or contentment. In any case, whatever it is, that’s the path.

When something hurts in life, we don’t usually think of it as our path or as the source of wisdom. In fact, we think that the reason we’re on the path is to get rid of this painful feeling. In this way, we naively cultivate a subtle aggression against ourselves. However, the fact is that anyone who has used the moments, days, and years of his or her life to become wiser, kinder, and more at home in the world has learned from what’s happening right now. We can aspire to be kind right in the moment, to relax and open our heart and mind to what is in front of us right in the moment. Now is the time. If there’s any possibility for enlightenment, it’s right now, not at some future time.” -Pema Chodron

We writers count of reviews of our books as a way spread the word and get our thoughts and feelings out into the world. If you have read or are about to read my book, SCATTERING ASHES, A Memoir of Letting Go, please leave an honest review of it on Amazon. It’s very easy to do, and can be just a few words. I’d really appreciate it.

Filed Under: A New Year, Christmas, Mindfulness Tagged With:
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