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Not much snow, but frozen solid!
It seems that 2016 was the year that the word AGING, started being used in conversation frequently around my house, and as a result became a permanent resident. The twenty-five year old I still thought I was began to slow down. I noticed my body got stiffer and tired more quickly. I began rebelling against those things that I was supposed to accomplish on any given day. What took me fifteen minutes to do a few years ago took up to thirty, if not more precious minutes.
It was Bill who started it. At seventy-seven, he had knee replacement surgery early last January. My own right knee started hurting right after his surgery. I chalked it up to sympathy pains. I kept up my walking routine most days and continued with my pilates and yoga sessions. The main problem was when I was seated in the lotus position and ole Righty just didn’t want to stay bent up like a pretzel. I allowed myself straighten her out from time to time to ease the pain, but she still doesn’t like to do that. Now I’m noticing that when it’s very cold, like it was this past weekend (in the single digits), the knee got very stiff and uncomfortable. Geez, Bill, why can’t you just keep your pain to yourself?
In early August when my sweetheart, Bill, was scheduled for shoulder replacement surgery in mid-September, my neck got stiff and both of my shoulders began to ache. More sympathy pains? Was it my rotator cuffs? Or was it those weighty burdens I carry around with me all day? Maybe it was the work of getting my memoir published, trying to stay caught up with blog posts, newsletters, check books, laundry, cooking, and the other chaotic day to day things I didn’t have any desire to do, or enough hours in the day in which to do them.
While Bill’s surgeries are healing beautifully, something is still amiss. It’s the brain. I discovered in November that I was a year ahead of myself. I kept telling people I’d be seventy-five on my birthday when I was only going to be seventy-four. Hooray! I gained a year! Things can’t be going south yet, can they? But then words became a big problem. I knew which word I wanted to use in a blog post or a crossword puzzle but I just couldn’t find it.
The urge to nap became a frequent visitor and is also now in residence. I need at least thirty minutes to close my eyes and drift off into a dreamy, relaxed state. I also find myself ready for bed at nine most evenings. My early morning walks out in the cold and windy mornings don’t carry the thrill they used to. I’m now waiting till it gets a bit warmer.
What is happening to me? I think of my cross-country skiing days in northern Vermont, when I couldn’t wait to get out into the frigid air and be the first creature making tracks in the deep snow.
Bill is falling into step with me. When I asked if he wanted to go out to dinner and a movie the other afternoon, he said, “It’s too cold! Too windy!” When I asked what’s gotten into him, he says, “I’m seventy-seven. I’m old!” If he is old, so am I, right?
Sunday morning after it warmed up a bit, I took a quick twenty minute walk to check out the condition of the streets as we’d had an inch or so of snow the day before. It was nothing compared to the winter storms we’d experienced up north. Most churches were closed for the day, and few cars passed down our street. I needed a few groceries. It was cold. It was windy. The street was very icy. And no neighbors were out … even the the young families who’ve recently moved here with their kids. Where were the sleds and the snowmen? Where was the laughter and the fun?
I wore a wool hat, gloves, boots, and my down coat. I felt quite comfortable, but by the time I got back home I decided I didn’t need those groceries after all. I decided to cuddle up in a wool blanket, next to our old-fashioned radiators, and read. If the youngsters in the neighborhood don’t go out in the cold, maybe it isn’t old age after all! Maybe I’m just getting smarter.
Here is a very moving meditation on aging by Parker Palmer. He has such a wonderful way of expressing what growing older is all about. He’s inspired me to just go with it and enjoy.
I can relate to all of this. I’ve been using the “I’m old” excuse for a while now to explain why I don’t have any energy or enthusiasm for most of life in general. But I’m only 60, and I’ve decided I’ve got to start finding some better ways to act my age than succumbing to defeatism!
Well, yes, Becca, there is defeatism too, and when I’m at the top of my game I fight it. But when it’s frosty out and my knee hurts what can an old lady do? 😉
lol Joan. I am 55 and my man is 52. We say the ‘Im old’ statement a lot too. I can honestly relate and sympathize. Like Becca says we dont want to succumb to defeatism. My dad is 89 and he is a champion athlete so at times I am glad I have his genes. Thanks for sharing this and trust me I can relate even at my ‘young’ age.
LOL here too. How does your dad let you get away with that? If my dad were alive he’d be yelling and screaming at me to just keep going! But he is dead! No problem! 😉
I can relate to everything you wrote, even being ahead on a birthday. I did that a couple of years back, and I was so happy to have gained back a year instead of the other way around. This morning I started in on myself about exercise because I was so stiff and achy. At 65 I think I’m still supposed to be skiing, many do. And yet, the writing profession is a sedentary business and irks me no end to not be able to do it all! Still, activity, mental, physical and social are the best ingredients for happy aging. Then, as you suggest, a little bit of acceptance. Great post.
Well, I’d really like to go skiing, but being in a cast for months with a broken leg hovers over my desires. No way! So I accept that won’t happen. Maybe we should try ballroom dancing, nothing too fast though! 😉
Joan, it’s quite clear that your sense of humor is quite intact, even if “righty” and your neck and shoulders are giving you sympathy pains and memory is starting to fade. (No problem. Let’s just forget the bad stuff!). 🙂
Thanks for sharing my own post about aging in Next Avenue. For both of us, writing is a connection to others and to a community of readers who help each other through each stage.
Happy Bonus Year to you!
Thanks, Shirley. That bonus year is coming in handy! Today I remembered a word I was fussing with yesterday! 😉
I just went to the first of a six week restorative yoga class and I’m feeling like a new person. We all need restoration from time to time and this is my year to do it! I’m looking forward to catching up with you one day soon.
Joan — I chuckled reading this post. Where I’m currently in hiding for my sabbatical, it’s beyond—well beyond!—cold. Even my young, 59-year-old, whipper-snapper bones are feeling the cold 🙂
Oh, Laurie, I was imagining you sitting under a palm tree, on an island somewhere very warm. But I guess it takes frigid temperatures to get the work done. I always write more in winter than in the warm weather. It’s easier to stay in and warm when the wind is howling through the eaves.
So now I’m thinking you must be way north … maybe above the Arctic Circle. Say hi to to the Santas and the elves for me!
I understand! I’m only (only?) 68, but I feel a lot the same. Things I could do only a year ago have become onerous, or I am slower at doing them, or I have to take 2 or 3 goes before it is done.
This getting older sucks!
Yes, it does, especially when it involves pain. Bill is off getting an x-ray of his right ankle. The doc thinks it might be a stress fracture. That poor guy has had so many physical things going on. Not fun.
But aging also brings me much pleasure. I don’t have to join the rat race anymore. And I treasure all I’ve learned through the process of growing older.
Thank you, Joan. It’s all the more complicated because aging and any sort of weakness are shameful in our culture, unlike other places I’ve been like India. I’m 71. My body was always strong and sturdy, so I made the assumption it would stay that way. I’ve lifted weights, eaten well, and exercised aerobically. After Meniere’s Disease brought deafness and vertigo about 5 years ago, I had a taste of my limits. I take long walks and lift lighter weights. I feel better when I do (tested that theory over the holidays, as I usually do) but there are no cures for the aging process. More lessons in acceptance and self-love. Thanks for sharing your experience honestly. It’s a huge support for others. And we have to keep our sense of humor.
Elaine, Thanks so much for your wise words. Acceptance, self-love, and a sense of humor is what it takes for sure. I too have exercised, eaten well, and take care of myself, but life happens … like arthritis, Meniere’s disease, loss of hearing,replacement of body parts, etc., etc. It’s all part of the game and we do the best we can.