A Kick Butt Year

March 18, 2014 By
Celebrate!

Celebrate!

It’s been an amazing year so far.  First, I got myself through an eight weeks home renovation that was only supposed to be four weeks long.  I LOVE the changes we made and I can say it was well worth the struggle and wait.

Second, I’m almost halfway through the 21 Day Sugar Detox without many complications and am feeling great.  I’m really looking forward to the end when I can add back some things like blueberries, strawberries and mangoes, but it hasn’t been that bad at all.  I still have a few cravings from time to time, but they are much more manageable than they used to be. My clothes are getting bigger on me and I’m really happy that I started what at the time I thought was probably an insane idea.

But number three is the biggy! Think fireworks and champagne. Think I never thought I could do it.  Think I’m amazing.

What is it you ask? Well, this past weekend I FINISHED THE “SHITTY FIRST DRAFT” OF MY MEMOIR!!!

It may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but for me it is. You’re thinking, “Hey girl, that’s only the beginning.  It’s not published yet.”  Well you’re right and of course I know that.  But really, I often thought  I’d never get this far. I wanted to, but there were moments throughout the process when I thought, like the sugar detox, “This is an insane idea. Who cares? This is too painful. Why don’t you just jump off a bridge instead?”

But I’ve learned so many new things about myself and for the first time ever, I admit that I’m stubborn. When the inner critic starts slamming me with, “You’ll never do it,” I answer, “Watch me.”  Yes, it’s only the first step and there is a very long row to hoe ahead, especially since I hate being a salesperson.  But one day, somehow, one way or another, it’ll get done. I can almost smell the finish line.

I will spend time this coming week attending presentations at the Virginia Festival Of The Book, which is an annual event.  I’ll meet peers who are also writing books and will have the pleasure of hearing Jane Friedman, talk about ebooks and marketing.

Next week I’ll be doing a reread and fixing the worst problems. Since I edit as I go along, hopefully it won’t be too bad a job. Then I’ll send it off to my beta readers, take a week off, then get back to work on it so that I can have a decent draft to take to a no-fiction writing conference I’m going to in May. Over the summer I plan on working on a final draft and begin looking into how I want to get it published.

So if I keep kicking butt like I have been, maybe sometime in the not too distant future there will be an even bigger celebration going on here. Wish me luck!

Filed Under: Memoir, Navigating Through Life, The Virginia Festival of the Book, Writing Tagged With: , , , , ,

Choppy Waters

July 10, 2013 By

DSC01405I’ve been on quite a roll with my memoir writing lately. But suddenly I’m in one of those places, where to move forward even more, means that I must build up my courage and reenter places and times that were cruel and heartbreaking. I’ve been in this situation numerous times in the past as I’ve gone back in time, processing the occasions that brought me to the place on which I stand today. It means remembering and feeling the way I did when both good and horrible things were happening in my life.

The good parts are no problem. Who wouldn’t be willing to revisit the births of their children? As physically painful as those happy occasions can be, they are times of celebration, bringing new life into the world and watching as tiny copies of ourselves take wing and find their own way.

It’s the heart wrenching times that can send me into hurtful funks. But I realize that in order to go where I’m headed, I must enter a roiling sea of emotions and make my way to the opposite shore, where I no longer have to hide from the things that made my life a living hell at times..

By revisiting those dark memories and arriving on the other side, I stand taller, unafraid, and grateful for the chance to move along into my new life. It is a rebirth in which I release myself from the tangle of horrifying events that left me stranded; a broken, needy person.

When I  enter the dark, I find the light and recognize where I am, knowing that I am not all that has happened to me. It is who I am becoming now that is important. It allows me to live each day with joy and forgiveness. It’s a place I never thought I’d find and I’m very grateful to have arrived here.

So this week, I’ll probably spend a few days procrastinating.  I’ll sharpen pencils, clean up the huge mess on my desk, and feel slightly depressed. I’ll listen to my inner critic who seems to think I’m useless and a horrible writer.  When I get tired of  her ranting about how useless I am, I’ll don my Super Woman cape, hold my breath and jump headlong into the mess of living.  I’ll arrive on the other shore with much less baggage, watching her as she tries to catch up with me, rowing a small, leaky boat across the choppy sea.  She’ll eventually make it and will try to torture me with her presence once again. But she’ll still be carrying her oars and hauling the little boat that holds all of her heavy stuff, behind her. I will be freshly bathed and ready to dive into the next waves that roll my way.  She’ll be screaming at me as I go, but I’ll reemerge on the other side once again, even lighter than I was before.

Filed Under: Fear, Healing, Life, Memoir, Navigating Through Life, The Journey, The Sea, Trauma, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,