Cleo, 1995-2012

She was my Mom’s cat.  I was there when Mom went to the SPCA to find a new friend.  Mom had recently moved here to Virginia from New Hampshire and was finally settled into a lovely small home.  Now she was ready for a companion to share her days with.

There were so many cats waiting for their forever homes, all ready to curl up in a lap and cuddle their days away.  Mom chose two feral kittens about five months old who were hiding in a corner under a table.  They were scared to death and difficult to capture. She named them Cleo and Leo. Leo was a ginger colored tabby and Cleo a beautiful calico.

The first few weeks at home, they made a nest under Mom’s bed in the box springs.  They came out only for food, but after a while realized that she wasn’t going to harm them and took up following her around the house.  When she finally let them go outside, they roamed the neighborhood by day, always returning for their evening meal.  They were afraid of everyone but Mom.  They would occasionally put up with a pat on the head from me, but Cleo had a distinct dislike for men, especially Bill.

When Mom’s health began to decline and she moved in with Bill and me, her buddies naturally came along.  They weren’t happy at first, afraid of our aging dog, Charlie and old Hannah, our Maine Coon Cat.  Leo disappeared a few months later.  We checked the SPCA daily, put up posters in the area and even called the folks that Mom had sold her house to, across town.  But he was never seen again.  There had been reports of Coyotes in our neighborhood. We figured the worst had happened.

When Mom broke her shoulder and then her leg in two separate falls, and I could no longer take care of her, we moved her into a nursing home until she was able to walk again and then into an assisted living situation. Cleo couldn’t go with her, so she came upstairs to join our pack of now two new dogs, Molly and Sam, and recently adopted cats, Peppermint and Lily. She wasn’t happy at first but slowly adjusted but always seemed to be the odd man out.  She disliked most prepared cat food. I cooked chicken thighs especially for her.  Pepper and Lily would have none of it, preferring Fancy Feast and other kitty fast foods that come in cans or bags.  Mom died a few months later and Cleo became a true member of our pack.

We moved here to the city two years ago. Cleo’s behavior changed dramatically.  I have no clue as to why, but suddenly she was greeting guests on her own standoffish terms and spent TV time in the evening settled in Bill’s lap.  But she was also aging and we were told she’d probably be gone in the next six months.  She began losing weight and her kidneys were beginning to fail. We chose not to take any heroic measures to keep her alive because of her advanced age and the invasiveness of many medical procedures.

Most recently she looked like a walking cat skeleton dressed in a fur suit. She hadn’t been eating much including her favorite home cooked chicken.  We knew her time was drawing near.  A few weeks ago I noticed that someone had been peeing on a new carpet we’d had installed and caught her red-handed. One evening while I was out doing some weeding in the garden, I noticed she was straining to pee and looked terribly uncomfortable.

We decided it was time and a week or so ago on June first, at noon, as she sat on a towel in my lap, my friend and Veterinarian, Richard, injected a magic sleep potion into her veins.  As she slowly let go and the light went out of her eyes, I imagine she was scampering off across the Rainbow Bridge to her other Mom, who was waiting on the other side. I feel sad that Cleo is gone, but also relieved. It is so hard to watch a loved one in pain slowly slip away.

With such a loss, there is always an ensuing emptiness.  Cleo’s spirit and energy is no longer here. We all feel it and miss her. In a week or two she will return home in a small box in the form of ashes. We will sprinkle them in the garden where we sprinkled Molly’s ashes not too long ago.

On Mother’s Day

Dublin Grave, Polaroid Transfer with Water Color.The ois

I wrote the following poem years ago when I was visiting Ireland, once a year, loving the peace and quiet of County Mayo.  I rambled through cemeteries, many forgotten and uncared for, learning about women’s lives by reading the few words on their headstones. Their lives were not easy.   Mrs. Heartwell shows up in many of my poems.  She can be a goofy clown, naive, sad, and joyous, but she is also very serious and filled with compassion.

on mother’s day

the light shines within us
like a candle
an eternal flame

reciting inscriptions aloud
mrs heartwell studies rows
of weathered stones
ponders praying angels
the one with broken wings
guarding tiny patrick

died in his mother’s arms
he was only three

beyond a drooping cedar
blood red roses
scent the path
where the queen of heaven
her tranquil face
etched with lichen
extends her arms
blessing sarah golden

brave soul entered
eternal rest
november sixth
eighteen hundred and ninety four
the mother of eight 

stumbling through thorny weeds
she finds
a rotting cross
bits of broken glass
rosary beads scatter
as she tries to keep
from stepping on
mary shepherd

gave her life 
for infant sophie

jzr

To all mothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day
from me and Mrs. Heartwell!

Releasing Molly

Our Little Miss Molly

Bill and I finally scattered Molly’s ashes in the garden a few weeks ago.  They’d been sitting in the small tin box decorated with flowers, provided by the SPCA which I placed on the mantle last November after she passed away.  We could have done it sooner but I just wasn’t ready to let her go.  I’m not sure I was ready on that lovely spring afternoon either. I was teary. I wanted her to come back.  But the freshly planted garden was ready to receive her and she is out in the sunshine, with birds singing praises as they themselves bring forth new life.

Despite the way it might sound I’m fine.  I miss her terribly, but I’m happy and thriving, still full of wonder at what beauty life presents me on a daily basis.

Sam, who I thought would be deeply effected by Molly’s loss was not his usual self for about a month after she died. But now he’s a new dog, full of himself instead of being Molly’s shadow.  He had always been her protector.  Out on the street he’d snarl and threaten any other dog that might be in interested in his one and only.  At doggie daycare where we sent them together once a week to socialize, he’d stick close to her, never letting her out of his site.  He’s now Mr. Popularity every Thursday when he still goes to All Things Pawssable and welcomes newcomers into the pack of “tots” or small dogs he hangs out with. He comes home exhausted, but still has enough energy for Tug of War or Let’s Chase Cats Around The House.  When Molly was still alive, he’d come home and crash, totally exhausted from being Molly’s body-guard all day.

Recently we were asked to take in another small dog who needs a loving home. But we’ve decided that we can’t.  Sam is so happy that I don’t want to rock his boat.  After Molly left, he found his way onto the foot of our bed at night and we’re enjoying having him with us.  But two dogs on the bed is way too much even though they’re small. Sam would have to return to his cozy small bed on the floor, which apparently isn’t as cozy as sleeping with us.

Now I’m keeping an eye on felines Cleo and Peppermint.  Two years ago we were told that Cleo would be gone in just a few months, but she’s hung in there with us.  She’s not looking so good right now and knowing she’s about seventeen years old, I’m not holding my breath.  Pepper is on prednisone for some sort of brain lesion.  I have no idea how long she’ll be with us.

Life moves along as it usually does.  There will be more losses and the thought of my own passing leaves me with one of the only real truths … nothing lasts forever.