Not-Knowing

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We just never know what a new day will bring … happiness, sadness, fear, understanding.  Things can change in a split second.  Perhaps the sun will shine on us, perhaps it will rain.  One minute you’re the Grand Prize winner, the next you’re a loser.  Standing tall one moment, you are flat on your back in the next, trying to remember what hit you. This is the human condition.

I’ve found these words helpful:

The state of not-knowing is a riveting place to be. And we don’t have to climb rocks to experience it. We encounter not-knowing when, for instance, we meet someone new, or when life offers up a surprise. These experiences remind us that change and unpredictability are the pulse of our very existence. No one really knows what will happen from one moment to the next: Who will we be, what will we face, and how will we respond to what we encounter? We don’t know, but there’s a good chance we will encounter some rough, unwanted experiences, some surprises beyond our imaginings, and some expected things, too. And we can decide to stay present for all of it.

– Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel, “Open Stillness”

In the end, it’s the staying present with it all that is the secret.  I’ve found that hiding in my cave is the worst thing I can do.  It gets boring and hugely confining.  I miss too much when I’m in the deep, dark crevices of numbness.

A weaver friend once told me she had to listen to the radio or watch tv soaps as she worked.  When I asked her why, she told me that she didn’t want to know what the voices in her head were saying.  I found that sad.  To live in fear is to die not knowing yourself. Without experiencing the difficult parts of our lives, we’ll never know the joyous ones, and who we truly are.