My Book Cover Reveal!

SCATTERING ASHES (dragged)

Yes!  That’s it!  And I Love it!!

No, that’s not me.  That’s my mother. She was eighteen years old at the time.

What an exciting time this is. Now that I have a cover and a fresh manuscript back from the proof reader, it’s beginning to feel like my memoir is real. But still, I occasionally have to stop and ask myself if all of this is really happening. Had you asked me 5 years ago if I’d write a memoir and even have it published, I would have said, “You’ve got to be kidding.” But, life is filled with surprises and this is one that I will celebrate for a long time. But this is only the beginning.

Today my words about my book and how I came to write it are over on my blog at She Writes and will be included in today’s She Writes Newsletter, as part of the Behind the Book series. I ended the post with these words saying why this could be an important book for many to read:

“SCATTERING ASHES, A Memoir of Letting Go, is my personal story of caring for my mother while searching for peace within myself and with my abusers.  It is also an important story. According to the Family Caregiver Alliance, 43.5 million of adult family caregivers care for someone 50+ years of age. The  US Census Bureau reported as of April, 2014, there were 76.4 million baby boomers. Clearly the problem of finding caregivers is growing. As is the need for family members to find ways of handling their own emotional trauma as they care for those who can no longer care for themselves. It is my hope that my story can be of help to those who are intending to care for their elders and/or those who may already be doing so.”

Please go over and read the whole post. You won’t be able to leave a comment unless you are a member, but you can certainly leave one here. I’d love to know what you think.

Who Dares Say?

Friday, 1/22/16 11 AM

Friday, 1/22/16 11 am

I used to live in a tiny town in Northern Vermont, known for it’s record snowfalls. My kids went to school even if the temperatures were near or below zero. In July my kids took swimming lessons at nearby Joe’s Pond, and often came home shivering, with blue lips. We put storm windows up in September and made sure cords of wood were split and stacked inside the barn attached to our house, where we could retrieve it easily when the wood stove was burning low. All of the produce from the garden was in and preserved by the end of August. We made and sold our own apple cider from the falls from our antique apple trees in September and October. I made sure the hay loft was filled with bales of hay to feed my sheep and angora goats during the cold months, way before summer was over.

1/23/16 around 3 pm. Snow still coming down,

1/23/16 around 3 pm. Snow still coming down.

 

I lived there for about twenty years. Toward the end of that time, dealing with the dark, cold months was getting quite old. I suffered from what I called the Winter Blues, officially known as Seasonal Affective Disorder, which usually took hold in December and lasted well into March or April, depending on how the winter weather was going.

This weekend it snowed 18” here in Charlottesville. It was dark and cold. I got sick with a very bad cold and didn’t appreciate the snow, even though it’s absolutely beautiful. It reminded me of Vermont and why I moved here to Virginia.

This winter there has been very little snowfall in Vermont.  The ski areas are going bust.

It stopped snowing here around 7 pm on Saturday.  On Sunday the sun came out, it warmed up to near 50 F and the snow started melting. Monday more melting and sun.  Today I’m going to the grocery store.  My cold lingers and it’s going to rain tomorrow.

Who dares say that global climate change is a myth?

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My next newsletter will be published on February 1st. Don’t miss it!

 Subscribe to it above on the right hand side of this post.  

Promise And Possibility

Doing simple knee exercises in the kitchen.

Doing simple knee exercises in the kitchen.

It’s mid-January in a brand-spanking new year and oh my, I smell promise and possibility in the air. The aroma of pine left over from the holidays is gone. In it’s place is a freshness I haven’t been aware of since Bill started having knee problems eleven months ago when he was rehearsing for a role in a local production of the Fantastiks. Because of his pain he had to give up his role at the very last minute. Needless to say it was a big disappointment for my Sweet William, and 2015 became The Year of the Knee filled with frequent long waits in doctor’s offices with little to show for it.

After a week at the Duke University Diet and Fitness Center in Raleigh, North Carolina, last August, it became undeniably apparent that the knee would need to be replaced. At seventy-five years of age, Bill had never been in a hospital except to be born and as a tiny kid to have his tonsils out. So for him, spending time in a hospital and being cut open was a frightening prospect. October and November found us checking out two surgeons who came highly recommended, one at UVA Medical Center and the other at our new, private, award-winning hospital, named for Thomas Jefferson’s wife, Martha.

We made appointments with both doctors and saw the one at UVA first. Even though Bill really wanted to go with Dr. Swanson at Martha Jefferson, he signed up for a December first surgery date at UVA because the pain was getting worse and interfering with his ability to be completely involved in his life. We also knew that getting a surgery date in the near future with Dr. Swanson would be difficult because of her sterling reputation.

But in early November we saw Dr. Swanson and even though the earliest surgery date she could give Bill was in late January, there was no question as to who would do the surgery. Dr. Swanson, is known for her success with replacing knees and how quickly her patients get back to living life to the fullest. Because she doesn’t cut any muscle, and the knee replacement parts are custom made for each person, there is less time spent in the OR than there would have been had he gone to UVA. As the holidays approached and Bill was having more difficulty than ever moving around, and Dr. Swanson’s team called with a new date: January 4th.

We arrived at the hospital at 7 AM on that given day. In the OR at 10 AM, Bill was awake and in his room by 1:30 PM. Bill was smiling and relieved when I found him in his room. That afternoon he walked to the bathroom with the aid of a walker and nurse. The next day, he took a good walk down the hall, before participating in an hour-and-a-half long physical therapy session. He did all of that again in the afternoon and afterwards was told he could go home. Exhausted, he decided to wait until the following day, and after repeating the same two PT classes came home to his own bed the next afternoon.

A visiting nurse came once a day for three days to check his wound and a physical therapist came for seven days to keep him moving. Last Wednesday when that service ended he went out for physical therapy and greatly impressed the therapist, with whom he’d checked in before surgery. He’ll be doing that twice a week for several more weeks. At home he’s moving about the house with a cane, but still uses his walker when he goes out. The therapist said that he’s doing great and that maybe he’d be driving sooner rather than later. Watch out world. This guy has been down for almost a year. The places he will go!

I’m doing well, and happy to be getting back into a routine in my studio. PTSD comes back to haunt me now and again when I’m stressed and this occasion was no exception. Memories of my mother’s hospital visits and her behavior colored my thinking. But now at least I know what is happening and know what I have to do in order to stay on the bright side of things.

I’m back to posting my usual Tuesday morning blogs again, along with a newsletter on February first. The book is in good hands. I’ve selected the cover and will reveal it later when everything is completely certain. I plan on revamping my website and finishing the filing of extraneous papers that are still sitting around in various piles around the studio.

In the meantime I’m enjoying the very early blooming of the beautiful hellebores in myIMG_0094 garden and taking walks in the neighborhood earlier in the morning as the days lengthen. My sympathetic knee pain is gone and with Bill being a Super Hero and doing most things for himself again, I returned to pilates and yoga classes this week. I also had a massage.

Even with all the cold and possible snow later in the week, Spring is on its way. The best is yet to come!

Wishes For A Mindful New Year!

IMG_0009Once more the year has rolled into its final week. Like everyone else, I anticipate what’s to come as the New Year begins? Who will be our next President? Will the wars in the Middle East spread further and further? And what will our country’s role be in trying to find peace? Will cold weather finally arrive and bring with it snow or freezing rain destroying these tiny gems I photographed on the day after Christmas?

There are also very personal wonderings. How will Bill’s knee replacement surgery go? Will my daughter’s fight with lyme disease finally be over and will she return to perfect health? Will I sell tons of books when my retitled memoir, SCATTERING ASHES, A Memoir of Letting Go, is published on September 20th? Yes, you heard that right, a new title which I think works oh so much better. And yes, it will be available on September 20, 2016.

Every December I choose a word to carry me through the next year, as a reminder of what is most important as I travel down the path I’ve chosen. As this past year has slipped by, I’ve found myself falling back into an old pattern that makes me extremely uncomfortable when I allow it to take over my thoughts.

Its name is Worry. I’m afraid that my predisposition for getting worked up over things has taken over my thought process and kicked mindfulness out the door. As a result, I spend too much time imagining what might happen to me, my family, or the world. I’ve also found myself kicking myself in the butt for mistakes I’ve made in the past and my sometimes pissy behavior.

Worry and Regret are not things I want to  carry around with me. So I’m going back to a word that has never been on my list of New Year Words, but is most important in that it has helped me in the past and will help ease my way through the coming months with a bit of sanity.

If I can bring back being MINDFUL during the next 365 days, I will be very pleased with myself.

I think it will take some work to be present in each and every moment, so it won’t be particularly easy or happen over night. And perhaps it shouldn’t be a New Years Word at all. Maybe it’s a Rest Of My Life Word. But I think all New Year Words do that eventually anyway. Or so I hope.

In the last week, I’ve started rereading, When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron. It’s one of her greatest, though all of her books are. It certainly is apt as I observe the state of our world right now. This particular book has helped me through some of the worst years of my life. Her encouraging words reach into my heart, helping to release my unease.

I want to be more appreciative of all of the good things, like those beautiful, little daffodils in the photo at the top of this page that don’t usually bloom here in December. Or these funny Halloween pumpkins that turned intoIMG_0006 something otherworldly by the end of November. They seem fossilized. Very out of season, they make me smile when I pass by them on my walks.

Today, I’m trying to be present NOW. It’s all I’ve really got. Those mistakes and bad behaviors I mentioned earlier happened in the past. Why run them through the wringer one more time?

As for the future, it hasn’t happened yet. For right now, I’ll concentrate on typing these words while I listen to robins singing happily outside in leafless trees. Later, on my way to lunch, I’ll notice the fine mist that is falling and how it gently settles on my hair.

What are your reflections on the coming year and what is it you want most to happen?

 

I’ll be taking a break from posting here for the next few weeks
so that I can be present for Bill as he begins recovering from his surgery 
scheduled on January 4th. 
Please send along prayers and healing thoughts.
They are greatly appreciated.

My monthly Newsletter will be published as usual on January 1st,
and is the story of how I became a writer.  Subscribe to it at the top
right hand side of this page to have it delivered to your email address.

I’ll be back here on my blog on January 19th.

Happy New Year to All!

Unscrooging Myself!

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Winter is here and light from the sun will be begin to increase every day now until June 21st, when the days will start to grow shorter once again. But you’d never know it from the temperatures we’ve been experiencing.  A week or so ago we broke records here in Virginia with temperatures in the mid 70s.  It will happen again on Christmas Eve when it’s supposed to rain and temperatures will be unseasonably warm. In between, the record highs we have had fairly warm days with only a few in the lower 40s with even colder frosty nights.

DSC00575.JPGWhile in other portions of our country people are experiencing intense rain, early snowfalls and freezing temperatures, everyone I meet here in Central Virginia, is talking about this “Crazy Weather.”  A few weeks ago most comments were, “I love it. I’ll take all I can get.”  This week with Christmas upon us, people are beginning to complain.  “It’s not Christmas if it isn’t cold.”  Or, ” I’d love a little snow for the holidays. Is that asking too much?”

If that’s not enough there’s the way the world is looking right now. Politics in this country stink, while wars, mass shootings, and terrorism are claiming lives. The darkness seems tenfold more than it usually does.

The Knock-Out Roses in my garden were continuing to bloom until just a few nights ago when temperatures dropped into the 20s.  Last week on one of my walks I noticed forsythia blooming.  In Washington, DC, just a few hours north of us, the cherry blossoms have been blooming. Usually our lawn gets a year end mowing in early to mid-November, but last week the gang was back giving our very green grass another trim.

I’m just as confused as the trees and plants. In the fall I always welcome the beginning of the dark months. For me theyDSC00497.JPG represent a time of slowing down. I go to bed earlier and rise with the sun, as it peeks out over the horizon. And while I’ve been noticing all kinds of weeds growing in my garden during the last week or so and have wanted to go out and pull them, my body is fighting for what it wants more of … REST. My desire for naps has increased as it usually does at this time of year, along with a lapse in energy. While part of me wants to go out and clean up the garden, or walk without having to wear a heavy coat, my body is resisting.

This could all have something to do with aging, I suppose. But I have a feeling that most of what is bothering me is due to human nature and my not being happy with what is. I complain if it’s too cold, too hot, too dry, too wet, or whatever else I’m not happy with. And knowing I’ll never be able to control things like the weather, I’m working on just giving in and letting it all be. There isn’t much I can control, but perhaps I can try to change the way I react to the way things are. So I’m going back to an old prayer I often use when I find my world lacking in what I want or expect:

“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

May the spirit of Christmas shine upon you and yours.
And may all of your wishes come true.
Just remember
if things don’t work out as you want them to,
there are flowers blooming and butterflies flitting about somewhere
on this beautiful blue planet of ours, and the weather is perfect!