My Mother’s Christmas Tree

It is at this time of year, when it’s time to haul out the decorations, that my  heart is flooded with so many memories.  This little Christmas tree was made by my mother many years ago when I was in highschool.  The tree structure itself is a large pine cone,  the decorations consist of other plant materials like acorns and seed pods of every description.  She also included shells from the shores of Long Island Sound where we lived at that time.  There are tiny birds that she fashioned from a mix of paper and glue and then painted.  It is one of those treasures I have kept to remind me of the legacy that she and my father left for me, my brothers and those who follow.

Both of my parents were artists, though my mother had no formal training and never graduated from highschool.  She was always creating things either in the garden, the kitchen or in the dining room where her craft and art supplies often were piled on the table.  She was a quilter and spent her last years making collages from a variety of papers and odds and ends that she gathered.

My father was an architect and master cabinetmaker/builder.  We have several pieces of furniture that he made, including a lovely very contemporary looking piece that he crafted as a young man and was said to have been exhibited at the World’s Fair in New York in 1939. Both he and my mother are the source of the artistic gifts that my brothers and I have inherited.

My brother Zed,  who lives in Vermont, has incredible writing skills, though I don’t think he really believes it.  His head is always filled with brilliant ideas and little inventions made from an assortment of used objects he finds hither and yon.  He’s now learning again to play the accordion which he loved to play as a small boy.

Our youngest brother Reid, was a fabulous artist, especially with pen and ink, as well as a master carpenter who could build just about anything.  He created unique bird cages from twisted tree branches and many other pieces often humorous, always breath-taking.  As a musician he was known for his raspy voice, his bluesy guitar style,  his expressive craggy face and twinkling blue eyes.  He had a deep connection to the natural world and harvested wild mushrooms from the woods of New Hampshire, selling them to restaurants and retailers in New England.  We lost him to cancer and its complications this past June.

I have always been interested in the visual arts and writing.  At the moment I am really taken up with my writing, but intend to get back to my painting as well.  Back in my earlier years, as a hippie :), I was a weaver, spinner and natural dyer using wool and mohair from the backs of my own sheep and Angora goats.  I’ve worked in fine art photography and have exhibited that work across the country.  I’m not sure I have any musical gifts.  I hated piano lessons as a kid but have always loved to sing.  I recall that when I was in eighth grade, I wanted to be a singer, but that passed with my other childhood fantasies of being a circus trapeze artist and an olympic ice skater.

My husband, a very warm-hearted man, is also an artist.  He is an actor, director and a writer.  He plays the tin whistle, guitar and loves to sing.  As a teacher, he’s taught highschool and college level students and will be teaching a class in Script Analysis, during the coming spring semester at UVA.  He has written several plays and musicals that have been produced in several area theatrical venues.

Our children, both adults and long gone from home, are also artists.  Lisa is working as a life/creativity coach in North Carolina.  Her artwork includes paintings on wood using pyrography, a wood burning technique.  You can occasionally see some her work on her blog at Sacred Circle Creative Life listed on my blog roll.  She is also a writer and a musician.  When she was 5 years old she taught herself to play the piano and for years refused the lessons we offered to pay for. When we finally talked her into it, she became very bored.  She moved on to the guitar and became a singer/songwriter in her twenties.

Mark is a second grade teacher at a nearby elementary school and also a musician. I don’t know exactly how many instruments he plays now, but it’s a handful, including the banjo, guitar and mandolin.  He started in highschool playing classical music on alto sax, which lead me to fall head over heels with that instrument especially when played by the great jazz giants.  He writes some awesome poetry and he can widen some eyes as a stage magician.

Both of my grandkids are continuing the artistic line.  Noah, age 7, is very interested in dance while Zoe, age 10, wants to be a writer.  They are very fortunate to attend a charter school that is dedicated to the arts.

These are the things I contemplate now as I sit and look at this little Christmas ornament.  I often yearn to revisit those early Christmas mornings, when my brothers and I would wake up before the sun to see if Santa had returned after a year filled with our mischief.  He always did, no matter how bad we had been.  My parent’s faces were alway aglow with excitement, as most parents would be, when their children get pulled into the magic of Christmas and its various meanings.

I think that it was after I discovered who Santa really was and my parent’s lives started getting rough around the edges, that I began to lose interest and started dreading the arrival of the holidays.  But the spirit was revived when Bill and I had our own kids, and now that we have grandchildren, the magic stays alive despite the commercialism of the season, when we can be with them for the holidays, as we will this year.

The Very Best Part …

For 45 years my family and I have all sat around this table at Thanksgiving arguing over what the very best part of the turkey is.  Some claim the dark meat is most flavorful.  Me?  I’m a white meat girl.

But this isn’t about that at all.  It isn’t about Thanksgiving.  It is about the big surprises life can hand us, giving thanks and the very best part of THE BIG PURGE.

It started in 1965, when my husband and I were on our honeymoon in Europe.  We made a stop in Copenhagen, Denmark to see the sites and to fill our tanks with real Danish pastries and those wonderful open-faced sandwiches they prepare.  We also savored a street vendor’s never-to-be-forgotten sausages with crispy onions and a heavenly sauce.

We stepped into the government-run department store, Den Permanente,  filled with beautiful Danish modern furniture and other home furnishings.  We spotted the unique table above, sat down at it and fell in love.   It was called a fondue table:  strips of teak, around a heavy piece of slate on steel legs.  It stood only about 2 feet off the ground. The six leather and steel chairs that went with it were very cozy and comfortable.  Before we were married my husband had built a round, stone, ski house in Vermont, very contemporary in design. We knew this table and chairs would be perfect for sitting with friends on a snowy evening, dipping chunks of good french bread into a pot of nutty melted cheese, sipping a fine wine.  But it was very expensive, and then there’d be the shipping.

We revisited the store on a daily basis for about 5 days. We sat at the table, while the same salesman hovered nearby.  He finally asked us where we were from, as if he couldn’t tell, then started his sales pitch.  Our big question was why the center didn’t turn so that people all around the table would have easy access to whatever delight was ready for consuming.  So he invited us out the next day for a visit to the architect who had designed and made the table.

The next afternoon we drove to the design studio, where the table had been born.   On asking the architect why the center didn’t turn we got a big scowl and only the comment, “it isn’t supposed to turn.”  On admiring one of his lovely leather couches, we asked why he didn’t put arms on them, because we really like to get cozy on a couch and snuggle up in a corner.  Well, with that one, we just about got thrown out of the place.

On our last day in Copenhagen, we went back to the store and bought the table.  The salesman’s only comment was, “You crazy Americans come in here dressed like cowboys (we were wearing jeans) and buy one of the most expensive items in the store.”  We paid what we thought was way too much and broke the budget.

The table and chairs were exquisite in the round house and after we sold the house several years later, we took them with us and they have graced every dining room in every house we have lived in until now.

Over the last year or so, we noticed how much more difficult it was getting to scrunch down into those very low chairs.  Other friends our age would hesitate when asked about coming to dinner because it was getting difficult for them as well.  So when the folks from the local auction house came to check out some of the things we wanted to sell, they said that if we were interested in selling the table, they were sure they would have a lot of interest in it. They hold a contemporary sale twice a year and would like to have it for the one in the fall.

We asked our kids if they wanted it but with the leather chairs tattered by the cats having used them for scratching posts and really being an odd dining room set, they declined.   So we cried and whined a bit then sent it off to the auction house where it was on display all summer.  The auction was held in early November and we figured we’d go and bid adieu to all of the fondly remembered conversations we had enjoyed around that table.

The photo above was on the cover of the auction catalogue.  The auctioneer’s had done a huge amount of research and discovered that the designer was well-known around the world for his work. His two employees who came up with the very complicated design for the legs had also become highly respected designers.

On the day of the auction we were shocked to discover that the table was expected to bring up to 10 times what we had paid for it and even more shocked when the bidding began. We were told there were 11 bidders from around the world on the phone or on the computer waiting to bid on the table.  It took over thirty minutes for it to be sold to a collector/dealer of mid-century Scandinavian furniture who has a shop in Alexandria, right here, in Virginia.  The price, tattered chairs and all, ended up being over 20 times what we had paid for it 45 years ago.

We are hugely grateful for this bird-in-the-hand as we have not yet sold the house we moved out of.  So this money now called The Table Money, is going towards the upkeep of that house, as well as a few improvements we’re making on our new house.

The Moral Of The Story:  NEVER turn down anything your parents want to give you :)!!

THE BIG PURGE

For years I’ve been promising to get organized … clean out overstuffed closets, get rid of stuff that I no longer use, need or want.  There was so much to do and it was very overwhelming!!  It was made worse by the fact that my mother had lived with us for 7 years before she died.  She had her own apartment in our home so her clutter was not often on my radar screen. When she departed I paid little attention to most of what was hidden in drawers and behind closet doors.  I just wasn’t ready to deal with it.

My kids and brothers came and carted things away … pieces of furniture, linens, art work, some items of clothing.  But for the most part there was still a lot of stuff left to clean out.  My sweet husband took care of the contents of the file cabinets.  It took me a year and a half to get to the rest … the kitchen, her craft room with materials gathered for her collage work and trinkets collected from the time she was an antiques dealer.

By the time I was finished with my mother’s stuff, I was too tired to get to my own closets, the store-room and the huge amount of things we’d been hauling around with us for years.  My husband and I are pack rats, possibly bordering on being hoarders. We’re interested in antiques, art, addicted to books and save anything and everything that we think we can reuse.

During two previous moves we had gotten rid of lots of stuff but each time the collecting would begin in earnest once again. Last year, after living in our previous home for 10 years and rambling about its cavernous spaces, we decided we needed to downsize.  After all, we were getting older and the place was just too big for us to keep up with.  Besides, we both no longer wanted to live in the country.  We felt a need to be in the city where all matter of activity was closer at hand.

So this past March, we put the big house on the market, found a wonderful little house built in 1935 in a friendly old neighborhood in the city.  It had recently been completely remodeled and we started packing up.  But the little house was half the size of the big one we were moving from.  One morning at 3 AM it finally dawned on me that we would have to get rid of at least half of what we owned!

At that, my stomach churned like a washing machine tumbling large chunks of concrete and stone.  I began having panic attacks and dreamed of hiring a crane to come in and remove every thing we owned, load it into a tremendous dumpster then have it hauled away, never to be missed.  I’d simply start over!

Then reality set in and we began giving things away, putting them on Craig’s List and taking more valuable items to a local auction house. For the things we absolutely couldn’t get rid of, at least for now, and didn’t have room for in the new house, we rented a store-room.  We’d deal with that stuff later once we settled into our new home.

We moved in June and here we are in November still trying to get the last of the boxes unpacked and still giving things away.   I think our son avoids coming over to visit because we’re constantly insisting that he needs and wants whatever it is we’re trying to find a new home for!!  I’m sure our daughter feels lucky that she lives 7 hours away so she can’t come whenever we call to tell her we have some fantastic thingy that would look great in her livingroom.

It has been a difficult process.  Many of the things we’ve hung on to have memories  attached to them. Wanting certain pieces to remain in the family was one of my mother’s greatest wishes when she passed.  I understand.  There are certain things that my husband and I have collected ourselves during our 45 years of marriage that we don’t now have room for but would certainly enjoy revisiting in our children’s homes.

The belongings of loved ones who have passed on are particularly problematic.  We hang on to them so tightly as if to let them go, would render our memories erased clean like a blackboard at the end of a school day.  Both of us shed more than a few tears during the process but have stayed with the project, understanding that we can no longer carry the weight of the material things that we mistakenly believe to be the containers of the past.  I have discovered that with the letting go of things we don’t have room for, memories of life’s glories are still with me and memories of things I thought I had forgotten flow abundantly.

The memories still need a container as our brains age and in this age of technology our heads are already overflowing with too much information.  So it is with this writing  and the sharing of stories,  I am setting up a container for the riches of my life … past memories, things yet to happen, so that my family and I can look back upon them all without having to carry along all of the goods.

The photo above is of my mother in 2001 with my dog Sam.  [Read more…]