LESSONS FROM A 2″ by 4″

March 6, 2019 By

It was a cold, dark New Year’s day.  The end of another holiday season. I took the tree down a few days ago, and stashed all the decorations away in the attic. I was ready for life to rev up and begin again.  Over the years I’d come to feel that Christmas was just another dull holiday that had lost its meaning amidst our human need for more, more, more.

It was way back when personal computers were just beginning to flood the market. My kids were playing on the “Trash-80,” we’d picked up as a family Christmas gift at Radio Shack. I wasn’t taken with this new Thing that would soon begin consuming our lives. Yet I sat behind Mark and Lisa watching them giggle and shout as they took each other out in whatever silly game they were playing.  It was fun watching for a while, but I was tired and ready to get away from such nonsense. 

I had just proclaimed that New Year’s Day was the most boring day of the year when I looked up and out the window into the pasture just beyond our driveway. Our dogs, Chippy and Mildred, were fighting and looking as though they were trying to kill each other.

I popped out of my chair and ran outside to break them up.  As I sprinted down the driveway I could hear and see the seriousness of what was happening, Both dogs were snarling and beginning to draw a bit of blood.  I picked up speed, forgetting that there was a cattle guard between us.

Before I could stop myself, I landed with my right leg caught between two of the steel bars of the guard. I heard a snap as I went down, and began shouting for help. The dogs immediately stopped fighting and Bill came to my rescue. He carried me to the car when I told him I thought my leg was broken.  

 I spent the next  few days having a pity party all by myself, going through the list of why this was the most unfair thing that had ever happened to me. I would spend the next four months recuperating, as both my tibia and fibula healed.

I didn’t know that those months would be a time of learning or that sometimes the universe interrupts our insane, shake-a-leg world so that we can learn the importance of slowing down and enjoying life.  I’d been rushing around in a workaholic kind of way, raising two kids, teaching natural dying and spinning, cooking, cleaning, and going to bed each night totally exhausted.

 Then a few friends came to visit, bringing books, flowers, and chocolates. I began to rethink my situation.  I couldn’t rush around experiencing overwhelm because I had too many things to do and not enough time to do them. I’d forgotten about the simple things in life that we all need in order to live happily. 

Reading good books took over my time. I remembered being a ravenous reader when I was a kid, but since then books and reading had taken a back seat to being a wife, mother, teacher, and housekeeper.  I missed the feel of holding a book, turning its pages, and the flow of words that so often had filled my heart. 

 I started to keep a journal.  Along with my leg bones, I wanted to heal my thinking and the anger I was carrying around with me. I’ve kept a journal ever since. It’s a place where I explore my thoughts and feelings, and eventually led me to write and publish my instruction book on Australian Locker Hooking, and then to my memoir, Scattering Ashes. 

I learned that slowing down and being mindful was the best medicine for any kind of healing, whether it be physical or mental.  The Universe had whacked me over the head with a 2” by 4”, reminding me that I was on a downhill course and out of control. 

Since then that merciless piece of lumber has been following me around, and when I see it approaching out of the corner of my eye, I hastily slam on my brakes.   

Over the past two years pain began developing in my shoulders, especially the right one.  My husband has been diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment, which means he might or might not develop dementia. Uncertainty has become the watchword of our lives.

As a result, we decided to downsize and find a place where we might be more comfortable and less responsible for things like shoveling snow, keeping the garden looking as beautiful as it was, and mowing the grass. The move took a lot out of us, but for the time being at least, we’re happy and comfortable where we are and continue to explore our options as our bodies and minds continue to age.  

After having the rotator cuff in my right shoulder surgically repaired in mid January, I spent six weeks in a sling unable to do much other than sit and relax. It has now been put away on a high shelf in my closet. I still  must take it easy, using my right arm very carefully and have about six more weeks until I’m able to drive.

I’m once again reminded of the most important and simple things in my life. I’m using this time as a retreat as I nourish my  body and mind. That in itself will help me to be a good caretaker for my husband of fifty-three years should it become necessary. It is also inspiring me to be think creatively. I continue writing, reading, making art, and simply enjoying life.

We all live in a world filled with uncertainty. Take care of yourself.  Give yourself time and love all of the little things that make you happy. If we’re not careful that 2″ by 4″ could be headed your way!

Filed Under: Aging, Healing, Navigating Through Life, Self-Care

Facebook, Time, and Snow

December 12, 2018 By

It’s really interesting how things change when you let go of nasty old habits.

 As most of you know I decided to quit Facebook because of the site’s political activity that I was addicted to. I was anxious, depressed, and feeling hopeless. I was using up lots of time reading, commenting, and sharing everything I felt everyone needed to know about our country’s situation. I had little time to do anything else, especially things I’ve always loved to do like taking walks, reading, and writing. 

My first step was to take both the Facebook and Twitter apps off my iPhone. Instead of checking them out at every stop light on my way to an  appointment, I found myself a safer driver. Now I turn on my phone only to find out what time it is or to see if there are any emails I need to respond to quickly. In waiting rooms I now thumb through magazines or better yet, simply close my eyes and meditate. 

I then decided to make it official and get rid of any connection with Facebook altogether by closing my account except for my Author Page. I clicked all the buttons to make it go away. But it didn’t disappear. I thought that maybe it would take time to close an account and that it would happen next week or next month. It’s still with me though. and I’ve come to the conclusion that I didn’t click on the correct buttons. 

The interesting thing is that checking in on Facebook every couple of days has become fun. It’s a great way to see what’s going on with my kids and grandkids. By staying away from social media I’ve gained so much time, that it’s incomprehensable. I can’t imagine why I’ve hung on for so long.

I now have plenty of time to read, take cat naps, and simply stare into space which is something that is a necessity in my life.  It’s in that almost empty space that new ideas come to me and I’m able to make thoughtful decisions.  

We had our first snowfall of the season this past Saturday.  I took most of the day to watch large, fluffy flakes cover the ground. The weather forecasts were extremely amusing. At first we were supposed to have a dusting.  Then it was 3 to 4 inches. In the end we got 10 Inches.  

There’s a gorgeous winter wonderland out there. The birdfeeders are alive with activity, and the chaos of hungry birds seems to be unending.  There are our resident Bluebirds, Carolina Wrens, Finches, Sparrows, and Juncos.  New to the feeders this year are Chickadees and a few Cardinals.

By letting go of a bad habit and getting myself out of that old Facebook trap, I’m more mindful and happy to be back in the world that lives just outside my kitchen windows.

Have you let go of any time sucking habits lately?  Was it worth it?  I’d love to hear how you did it and what you’ve gained.

Filed Under: Change, Intentions, Self-Care

Making The Best Of Difficult Times

March 5, 2018 By

I’ve been so taken up with our unsettled world and what is happening in our own country that I’ve gone over the edge once again … waking with the dreads, a general malaise, and a burning need to break away from all that unsettles me. It’s also been raining here … a lot. I’ve sometimes wondered if the sun is still up there. When I lived in Vermont I suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder from November until April. The way I’m feeling right now is very similar, but I think it has more to do with what is happening around me than the light. As an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), I easily pick up on the vibes out in the world and need to take action to get myself out of the dumps. It’s exhausting to allow myself to get so involved in things I cannot control.

So what do I do about it?

I meditate. I let myself cry if I need to. I turn off the radio and the tv and turn on Pandora to listen to classical guitar while I do my Egoscue exercises, or jazz it up with Dave Brubeck, David Sanborn and others when I need to add some energy to my day. I’m also a fan of Yo-Yo Ma, Frank Sinatra, and the likes of Ella Fitzgerald. For me music is a cure-all and a necessary part of my days.

I’m watching for signs of spring.  Since I have the smallest garden I’ve ever had, I’m thinking small and am beginning to plan a container garden mostly for herbs. I do have space for the helebores, irises, and peonies I dug up from my last home before we moved. My friend and garden helper, Maria, has been overwintering them for me and she will be coming soon to get them in the ground. I can’t wait!

Keeping my creative energy flowing is also important so last week I pulled out a beading project I had started a couple of years ago and then forgot about. It’s been sitting in a plastic storage bin since then and I’ve been anxious to get back to it, especially since it will take a good while to finish it in time for the fall. It’s a styrofome pumpkin that I am covering with tiny seed beads using Peyote Stitch. I started a collection of fruit and vegetables using this technique a while back. I find it quite relaxing. And the shifting and mixing of slightly different colored beads makes for imaginitive brain work.

I’ve also started setting aside one day a week and labeling it “MY DAY,” on my calendar. I do not plan anything ahead of time. It’s simply a day when I can do whatever I want to do rather than what I have to do. When I began writing my memoir, I did the same thing, but at that time the chosen day was reserved for writing and activities geared toward getting it published. It quickly turned into several days a week and then a rigorous work/writing schedule. This time around I’m using it just to get my creative juices flowing and I’m looking at getting a canvas set up and slapping paint on it sometime soon.

So while I’m still paying some attention to what’s happening out in the world, I’m happier, more relaxed and feeling more positive than I was just a few weeks ago. And I continue to remind myself that in order for change to happen, sometimes things have to get very ugly and depressing before we notice the light at the end of the tunnel. It is happening whether we realize it or not. It’s what life and being human is all about and I’m trying to make the best of it.  While I’m still paying attention to what is happening out there in the world, I’m spending more time in the present and worry less about changing what I can’t.

Filed Under: Meditation, Mental Health, Self-Care

Cozy Sunday

February 6, 2018 By

Bill is away on an Irish music adventure somewhere out in the Caribbean even though he’s somewhat lame and has a wheel chair to help him get around the ship he’s on. I admire and encourage his hutzpah at age 78. He just keeps going like the Ever Ready bunny despite his aching knee. I do miss him and worry about him a bit, but we, like most couples, need some time to ourselves once in a while. And he’s having a wonderful time learning new tunes on his tin whistle.

I, on the otherhand, am here at home, enjoying some solitude. This is my first stay in our new home by myself with companions, Max, and Lilliput. I know Bill wants a turn at being here by himself so I’m going to have to hunt up an adventure for myself for sometime in the near future. But my first goal is to simply slow down and take life a bit easier than I have been.

Sunday was an especially cozy day for me. It started to snow at around 8 AM, then turned to sleet and freezing rain, then to plain old rain. What snow coated the ground melted away quickly and it seemed the daylong precipitation may have put a dent into our moderate drought situation.

Inside all day, except for a quick walk to the mailbox to get yesterday’s mail, it was warm and dry. I managed to relax for the first time in weeks … no place to go, nothing to do, even though I had a healthy to-do list. I wanted to simply be. I did manage to make a pot of bone broth in my Insta Pot, emptied the trash, did my physical therapy exercises, and a bit of yoga. I spent the rest of the time sipping hot tea, reading, journaling, watching the ice building up on the trees, and the goldfinches at the birdfeeder being chased away every now and then by one of the big fat squirrels that think they own the place. I guess they do. They were here before I came. I don’t mind an occassional visit and I do like to share what I have with whoever needs to fill their stomaches as I sit, warm and dry, on the other side of the glass.

Though we haven’t had a snowday so far this winter, maybe one will come along before spring makes its appearance. But with a bouquet of daffodils in the kitchen, it’s easy to imagine a freshening of green as warmer temperatures arrive. I don’t care what that old groundhog has to say, I’ve noticed the dried out grass is showing a hint of green this week.

Filed Under: Self-Care

Mindlessness versus Mindfulness

January 23, 2018 By

On my windowsill! Did you know that spring is only 37 days away?

Last week my acupuncturist, Jill, prescribed an interesting regimen for me. I’ve been seeing her for just about 20 years and she knows me well. I first went to her when I was suffering from hot flashes and other nasty things associated with menopause. I found that being stuck with needles to be extremely helpful. Bill, my husband, even noticed the difference.

Since then I’ve been seeing her every six weeks or so for maintenance and I can always tell the difference in how I feel walking into her office and then walking out. But when we began moving in earnest, I cancelled my October appointment and haven’t been back to see her until last week. Again the magic of the needles made a difference in how I was feeling and we set another date for two weeks from now. Until I’m sailing smoothly through my days once again, I’ll be seeing her every other week.

As most of you who have moved about a lot know, selling an old residence and buying a new one, along with the purging and packing, is not for the faint of heart. And though we’re doing well with our settling in, there is still stuff I need to do, like going through all my old files and redoing the whole system to make it simpler and easier. I will be hiring an expert organizer to help me get it moving but all of this is a slow process and it can be very frustrating especially when I can’t find what I want in the file cabinets. Or when I’m anxious to start a new project but am afraid to add complications to an already overloaded plate.

I’ve struggled with that since we moved in November and now it seems I can’t wait any longer to jump head-first into something new. Jill, noticing my exhaustion and my struggle with increasing pain in my shoulders, neck, and wrist, sometimes knows better than I do what I need. She suggested that I take time to rest and recover from pulling up stakes before I charge back into action. Others have been telling me the same thing, saying that they breathlessly watched me organize, and get the move under way in such a short period of time.

Do I listen? Some accuse me of selective hearing.

It wasn’t until the past week or two that I’ve noticed just how tired I am. But there are all those wonderful, creative ideas that are beginning to stream through my head. Though I’ve promised myself to take one-step-at-a-time, there is no stopping a passionate, overwhelmed artist who’s been seperated from her muse for far too long. So I stumble about not knowing where to begin. Do I get the files organized first and get the bills paid on time or take some time to rest before I just plow ahead into my next creative exploration?

Jill’s words are often as magical as the needles she sticks me with. She suggested that having a mind full of “want tos and have tos” is not serving me well at the moment.  She said, “You need to to take naps and stop thinking so hard. Throw mindfulness out the window for a while and be a bit mindless. Rest. Take time to just be.”

As I sit here writing this blog post, I realize what good advice that is. In all my doing, I’ve forgotten how to simply be in the world. I don’t need to be take part in the rat race. Hopefully I won’t be so tired tomorrow and my racing mind will slow its pace and relax.

Have you ever thought of allowing yourself to be mindless?

Filed Under: Self-Care Tagged With:
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