Change

November 15, 2016 By
The Capitol. taken from our countries botanical garden.

The Capitol, taken from the United States Botanical Garden.

I haven’t done any writing except for making lists for the last week. Even my journal has been untouched. No, I don’t have writer’s block. There have been many times over the past seven days that I have wanted to write, but then something would change. Between hours of feeling little to no anxiety, waves of grief, fear, and depression came crashing through. I could be smiling and happy one minute. Then boom! One of those waves would hit. Words that had been gathering in my head would disappear in a sea of despair. I know I wasn’t alone.

I’ve needed time to wrap my head around what I believed would happen when I went to bed at 11 PM, last Tuesday night … that Hillary would lose. I had gone to the polls on Tuesday morning like most everyone else, and imagined the celebrations that would be happening that evening. When the first rays of light came through my window on Wednesday morning, my stomach started churning like a cement mixer. I didn’t want to hear the news. I wanted to close my eyes and fall into a peaceful slumber that would last forever. But being one who faces what’s ahead, regardless of what it is, I got up and listened and watched. It hurt. On my way up the street as I walked my dogs, a neighbor in tears, asked, “What happened? It wasn’t supposed to turn out this way.” We hugged, feeling each other’s pain, then moved on into the day.

I’ve been watching what’s been happening on the news. As in the rest of the country, there have been incidences of hate in this city. And sometimes it’s felt like the end of the world has come. And in a way it has. At least the world as I knew it.

But it’s not the end. It’s about change and the beginning of something new. It happens every moment of every day, as time slips through our fingers and a new moment opens up. If it’s good change, we celebrate. If it’s bad change, we piss and moan, and stubbornly march ahead insisting that life will remain as it was or … what? Half of our population is grieving and are in deep pain. The others are happy and celebrating. Some of us ask what can be done to make it like it was before November 8th.

Change. We can’t stop it from happening. But even when it’s bad, I believe something good always happens as a result. Pain will still be evident and bad things will still happen. But change is what all of us had on our minds as we went to the polls on Tuesday. Whether it was equal pay for women, gun control, or simply wanting recognition that we exist. We all wanted change of some sort. And now we have it. Whether we like it or not.

I believe that the good part of this change is that we are being forced to wake up. There has been a smugness and entitlement afoot here in America especially among those of us who have enough to live comfortably. What doesn’t affect us is somebody else’s problem.  It has kept us from really dealing with issues that have needed to be addressed … education, equal opportunities in all phases of life, and a way to come together to work on how to bring our country and world to a better place and serve all of its people.

It’s easier said than done, and I admit I’ve been just as blind as everyone else. But this is an opportunity to really change things up. We can become aware of the people who stand next to us at the cash register or on line as we all wait to cast our votes. It’s time to share our thoughts without fear of being judged. It’s time to be kind to those who disagree with us and/or scare us. It’s time for us to listen.

It’s also time to allow ourselves to adapt to the changes ahead without being told we’re not moving fast enough or are pushing ahead too fast. We each have our own needs and ways of addressing what is ahead. I need to have time to contemplate what to do and how to approach what could be a more than a difficult time, without being told how to go about it.

I believe that what’s ahead is about being mindful of my own feelings and what I believe in. It’s about learning to be a good listener and being aware of what others need. It’s about staying awake and not making assumptions. It’s about reaching out to those who are suffering and needing help.

There are lots of things we can do. We can run for office, donate to a cause, sign petitions, join a group with similar issues, march in protests, or wear a safety pin. A friend of mine collects gently used used hats, scarves, gloves, and socks to hand out to the homeless in our town at this time of year.

But what we really must do is to stay awake, pay attention, make noise when it’s called for, and be kind. The rest is up to what each one of us is most comfortable doing.

I have seen two films this week that should not be missed and have helped me sort through my feelings and these dreadful times. The first is Moonlight. The other one is Arrival. I came home feeling as though both movies were made just for us, right now, at this time. Don’t miss them. I don’t want to tell you anything about them but they both lifted my spirits and gave me an idea of where I stand in the dilemma we all face.

Things will continue to change as they always do. None of us knows what will happen next. For me it’s about being as positive as I can and taking in the light shining through the cracks.

Filed Under: Change, Kindness, Mindfulness, Navigating Through Life

I’m Behind

October 11, 2016 By
Lilli and Max . I wish I had time to sit around!

Lilli and Max relaxing. I wish I had time to sit around!

The world keeps spinning along and I can’t seem to keep up. I could blame it on a bunch of things like getting my book launched, answering  a lengthy list of emails, taking care of an ailing dog, doing the laundry, and saying “Yes” to too many things. But I’m not going to.

It’s been a busy time, but it’s also been great. I’m choosing to get off the treadmill for the moment, and am taking some time for myself. It’s accompanied by a tiny bit of guilt because I haven’t been reading the many blog posts that I usually read and I haven’t been keeping up with Facebook or Twitter. Here it is Tuesday again, and I haven’t written an informative blog post for you. Oh well, we all have those times.

I have added some new pages here on my website.  They are new and not yet complete. But eventually you’ll find my publicist’s contact information, a few photos, and a press release for my recently published memoir in the Press Box.  Under News you’ll be able to see what events I have planned for the future, a list of reviews, newspaper articles, radio interviews, and etc.  I plan to have it all up very soon. And damn to the load of laundry I keep forgetting to put in the dryer!

I’m trying to quit being ADD and focus on one thing at a time. Instead of continuing to multitask and getting side tracked, I’m trying to make myself stick with one thing at a time and finish what I started. I’ve promised myself I won’t get sidetracked by the pile of ironing that steadily grows or the downed leaves leaves that the wind keeps blowing into the back yard. Then there’s the wilted house plants that need watering, bathing Max, who has some serious skin problems, and taking time to finish the two books I’m reading. Here’s to next week. Hopefully by then, I’ll have a few of the things on my list done!

Do you try getting off the treadmill, too? Take a nap, read a good book, cook some delicious food, or take a walk? The world is crazy enough without any of us adding to the fray. How long is your list and how do keep up, if you do?

Congratulations to Michelle Short and Mary Ellen Gambutti,
winners of signed copies of SCATTERING ASHES, A Memoir of Letting Go,
as offered to readers of my newsletter.

Filed Under: Intentions, Navigating Through Life

Finding A Calling And Seeing It Through

July 26, 2016 By

” A calling is what you have when you look back at your life and make sense of what it’s been trying to teach you …”    Geoff Goines

 

IMG_0013I am called to put my thoughts down on paper every day.  But it’s not always easy. Sometimes life gets in the way, leaving little time to focus and keep myself inspired. Other times my inner critic sounds off, telling me that what I’ve just written is crap and I ought to find something else to do with my life.

In the process of writing my memoir there were a number of times I almost quit altogether. It was difficult, intense work and I often didn’t want to face or write about some of the grimmest days of my life. Yet I wanted to share my story as a way to help others who were considering being caretakers to their parents. With the help of a writing coach and encouragement from other writers, I kept going and finished it. In mid-September my book will be a reality and the dream I had of bringing it into the world will be accomplished.

These days when it’s hard to fit writing time into my overloaded schedule or I simply don’t feel like sitting down in front of my computer and getting to work, I think of two individuals I recently met who work day jobs, write at the same time, and feel that what they are doing will bring them to a more satisfying place in there lives. They have their own dreams. They also have the courage and hutzpah to keep at it without knowing whether or not their dreams will become reality.

I met the first one, a cab driver, in May during my visit to Chicago. When I hopped into his cab in front of the hotel I was staying in, he immediately asked if I was going to the airport. He sounded somewhat disappointed when I told him I needed to go to McCormick Place, the city’s huge convention center only a twenty minute ride away. He knew that Book Expo America was going on there, and asked if I was a writer. When I said yes, he said that he too is a writer and began telling me a little bit about the book he is working on. When I asked him how he found time to write, he told me that when he can take passengers to the airport and drops them off, he goes to the end of the taxi line and waits for his next fare. It could sometimes be up to an hour of uninterrupted time. That is when he pulls out his notebook and begins work on his book, a philosophical self-help treatise filled with ways to live a happy life directed at young people. I was impressed and inspired by this gray-haired, African-American man, originally from the Sudan, who needs to work, but also has dreams of publishing his book. I was especially impressed that he called himself a writer, when many of us don’t, unless we’ve officially published a book. As he did twenty years ago when he decided to come to America for a better life, he has taken action in an effort to bring his calling to fruition.

The second writer, a stewardess on a recent flight I was on is also working toward putting a book together. She was at the end of an exhausting four day stint up and down the east coast taking care of and serving passengers. She was anxious to get home where she would have the next five days off to clean house, shop, and do laundry. As I listened to her story of what she and the rest of the flight crew had been through during the past few days, I felt glad that I had never considered that line of work. I thought back to the times I watched myself and other passengers take out our frustrations on flight crew members because we had been delayed and would miss our next connections. This flight was no exception, since we were an hour late getting off the ground.

Once in the air and after the passengers had been served, she sat down and pulled out a red spiral bound notebook. She closed her eyes for a moment and then began writing. She wrote for about twenty minutes before she tucked the notebook back into her bag in order to get us ready to land. Once on the ground as we waited for the doors to open, I asked her if she was a writer. “Yes,” she responded with a smile and told me she had three notebooks filled with stories that she hoped one day would become a book. And,”Yes,” many of them had been written during those fleeting moments when she was on the job. I didn’t have time to ask her any more questions before I left the plane, but I was impressed by the way she was moving forward to hopefully bring her dream to reality.

I just finished reading, The Art of Work, A Proven Path to Discovering What You Were Meant to Do, by Jeff Goins. The cab driver and the stewardess could have stepped out of the pages of this inspiring book which explores the ideas of calling, vocation, and the challenges we all face as we search for a way to live a more purposeful and authentic life.

The description on the back cover of this book states: “Life seldom unfolds the way we hope or plan. The twists, surprises, and setbacks leave us feeling stuck with no option left but to play it safe—to conform to what’s expected of us. But what if theres was more to life than this?”

When we are called to plant a garden how can we make it flourish?

Read my newest newsletter which will appear on  August 1st.  To have it directly delivered to your mailbox subscribe to it in the box above on the right.

Filed Under: Books, Navigating Through Life Tagged With: , , ,

Living A Balanced Life

July 5, 2016 By

IMG_1486

I envision my life journey as walking across a balance beam. I’m dressed in a black leotard and pink tights. My arms are outstretched, I slowly place one bare foot in front of the other as I make my way along the beam. At times I glide along without fearing that I’ll fall into the unknown. A few steps later my arms are flailing and fear clutches at my heart, as I struggle to stay in place. It’s as if a strong storm has suddenly come up with gale force winds. I need to find a way to stay where I am. But then just as suddenly it stops and once more I move easily along the beam with confidence and grace. This is my life. And it repeats over and over again.

Sometimes the storms are stronger than at other times. Sometimes the earth quakes beneath me. Sometimes I fall and since there is no net or cushion on the ground beneath me, my bruises are terribly painful. Sometimes they heal very quickly other times, not so much. Unless I pick myself up and get back on the beam I could find myself living an aimless life, afraid of my own shadow.

Life is filled with good, bad, ugly, and beautiful. I know of people who spend their lives with the bad and the ugly. I’ve been there myself. They never make an effort to walk beyond their prison gates, staying where they feel safest. They fear what is beyond their immediate perceptions, keeping themselves locked and secure against what could be a monster seeking its prey. They miss the sunshine, the sound of  water falling over a bed of rocks, the soft summer breeze that causes the ferns and flowers to dance, and the sound of bees buzzing in the garden. Of course there are gray days, but even in the darkest times when the sun can’t find a way through the clouds, I try to take heart knowing the rain will make the flowers flourish. And I can watch the way snowflakes pile up on the leafless branches of trees, blanketing my world with the stuff of snowmen and the thrill of sledding down steep hills.

Everyone has good days and bad days. And if we don’t take risks and walk out beyond the four walls that contain us, we will live forever in a darkness of our own making. When I have a bad day I try to take comfort in small things that will see me through to the next sunny one.

I cuddle and talk with my dogs.

I go for long, slow walks, allowing myself to adjust to the pulse of the neighborhood. I wave and smile hello to everyone I meet. Even those I don’t know.

I pick or buy myself a bouquet of flowers.

I listen to music. George Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue, will lift me up every time I hear it and before long I’m swinging from beams of sunlight.

I’ll cook something delicious. Eggplant parmesan is one of my favorite things. And ice cream, especially the creamiest available, always gives me a shot in the arm. But I don’t keep it in my house. If I need it, I go to my local Ben & Jerry’s and order one or two scoops of whatever flavor takes my fancy. And just stopping what I’m doing and getting out can wake me up to all sorts of possibilities.

A good hot soak in the tub to which I add drops of lavender essential oil and epsom salts that pull the toxins out of my body helps me relax while the storms of life rage on.

When I’m very tired I take a nap, and wake refreshed a while later, feeling ready to take on the world again.

Life happens. Besides taking care of myself, I need to sit at my desk and find words to fill the empty screen in front of me. There is the laundry to do, and a note of condolences to write to a friend who just lost her husband. I need to straighten out a billing problem, and the refrigerator needs cleaning out. There are every day survival things I must take care of. But if I take care of myself balance becomes easier.

The astounding thing is that the more I take care of what my mind and body needs in any given moment, the easier it is to keep myself on the beam.

How do you balance your life?

Filed Under: Navigating Through Life

Managing Stress In An Insane world

June 28, 2016 By
I stay sane by working in the garden and taking in the beauty of the natural world.

I stay sane by working in the garden and taking in the beauty of the natural world.

Earlier this year I decided to avoid the news as best I could. I didn’t want to hear about the presidential campaign; especially the words of one whose name shall not be mentioned here. He upset me greatly and when I started yelling  at the television it was a sure sign that I needed to turn it off. I do still tune in less than an hour every day because I want to be able to make informed choices. But I leave the room from time to time when I want to avoid talk from certain people.

Managing my stress is an important part of my self-care. I do not want to live with constant anxiety which turns my gut into a churning cement mixer filled with rocks. I get jumpy, depressed and feel hopeless. At the ripe old age of seventy-three I want a life of ease. I can’t afford the damage that stress causes to my mind, spirit and body.

I’ve been a news junky for as long as I can remember. I absolutely had to watch all of the heart breaking reports when JFK was assassinated. I tuned in constantly when Martin Luther King, Jr., and Bobby Kennedy were taken out. On the morning of 9/11, I wept and felt like it was the end of the world. On all of those occasions my gut churned away. I had no appetite for food. And for at least a week if not longer, I sat in front of the television reliving the cataclysm of 9/11.  Every news channel replayed the fall of the twin towers, over and over again. I was depressed. I had trouble sleeping. Like everyone else, I was sick at heart. At the end of that week I realized I was harming myself, not helping myself.

I needed to find my center. I needed to smile and laugh. I couldn’t go to NYC and help with the cleanup but thought perhaps if I lightened up and started believing in goodness, my depression would go away. I gave blood. I went back to working in the garden. I helped to prepare the downstairs apartment in my home for my mother, whose health was failing. She would be moving in with us in late October and would spend the next six years being in residence with us before she broke multiple bones and died in May of 2007. I knew it was going to be difficult and wanted to ground myself before she moved in.

I felt much better until Mom’s health started going down hill rapidly. I began watching hours of news again, and woke to NPR every morning. While I peeled potatoes, prepared meat loaf, or kneaded bread the TV was on. I listened to how the world was falling apart. It was easier to watch the world in turmoil and spout off on how to fix it, than it was to give my attention to what was happening in my own household as Mom moved toward the end of her life.

Later I was told I suffered from PTSD. It was suggested that the horrific news about climate change and the continuing saga of war in the Middle East were making me more stressed out than I was to begin with. But it was hard to turn it all off. I was too invested in the news and what was happening around the world.

I started meditating, said no to events or movies that I knew would upset me and set some boundaries For myself. But it was still difficult to stay news free. How would I know how to live if I didn’t know what was happening in the world? I was especially anxious about the mass shootings occurring so frequently around the country in schools, movie theaters, military bases and shopping centers. But even through those events I did fairly well at turning the boob tube off at the first sign of my being upset. I worked at staying positive. I reminded myself that beyond the negative is a beautiful world filled with good people who are kind and doing good deeds.

Then “you know who” decided to run for the presidency. My stress and anxiety levels began growing by leaps and bounds. I was sure the end of the world was nearing. I was afraid for my country. I feared what would happen to my kids and grandkids in the future if that man got into office. I yelled at the TV during debates and the nightly news. I cried some nights as I tried to fall asleep. Finally I said, “Enough. I can’t do this anymore.”

When I woke to the tragic news of the shooting in Orlando, a few weekends ago ago I was surprised by my reaction. I had no need to see the grim photos or know the numbers of innocent people killed and wounded. It was so unlike me. I asked, What is wrong with you? Why aren’t you reacting the way you usually do?

But I knew there was nothing I could do. Would sitting in front of the television all day taking in this heinous act of violence help to keep this kind of event from happening again? I knew that all it would do is make me feel angry, hopeless, and extremely heart sick. I decided to turn the news off and go about my day. I worked in the garden, cooked a delicious meal, and finished reading a book that I was completely immersed in. During the following days I signed petitions and made a donation to one of the sites involved in bringing an end gun violence. And after a bout of angry posts on Facebook, I decided to stop that too.

I still tune into the news most nights just to get the headlines. But it isn’t causing my stress levels to rise. I’m living in a better world, taking care of myself, trying to be as kind as I can, and being grateful for all that I have.

How do you handle the gruesome events that seem to happen every day all around us?
How do you stay positive in the face of negativity?

Filed Under: Change, Meditation, Mental Health, Navigating Through Life, Self-Care, The Garden
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