Being Mindful In A Mindless World

March 11, 2014 By

IMG_0027In this age of multitasking and always needing to be first in line, I work at keeping myself from getting involved in doing too many things and out of the general hubbub around me. I want to live in the moment. Mindful of the way traffic is flowing. That there is someone tailgating me and that I need to be careful. I want to notice all of the colors the sky takes on at sunset. And yes, I even want to experience the sadness I feel about losing a friend or the pain I feel in my hip. Being mindful is about being awake and aware of where you are, how you feel, and what is happening around you. It’s about being present in the moment, in relationship, and with the world around you.

It’s taken me a long time to figure out what mindfulness is all about. I first heard the the term years ago when I started going to the local Insight Meditation Community meetings on Tuesday nights to meditate with a large group of other seekers and to hear dharma talks espousing the teachings of the Buddha. I thought that during meditation you are supposed to empty your mind completely and experience some altered state of being. I thought, “Wow, that will surely make my life happier and I won’t have to suffer anymore.”

Imagine my disappointment when I found that wasn’t going to happen. I tried over and over again to concentrate on my breath, only to find myself planning tomorrow night’s dinner or badmouthing the lady who pushed herself ahead of me in line at the grocery store today, resulting in my dropping everything I was carrying and breaking the eggs I needed. But with time and a lot of missteps, I realized that everyone else in the meditation group struggled with the same thing.  I learned that meditation was not only about relaxing and bringing a peaceful vibe to the day or evening. It’s about learning to understand how our minds work and what pulls them away from the moment of quiet and peace we are currently trying to experience.

There I was trying to empty my mind while my mind insisted on being full of other stuff that seemed to be more important than what I was currently trying to do. Have you and your mate ever gone out to dinner and spent a good part of the time checking your email on your iPhone instead of enjoying each other’s company? Have you ever been driving your car lost in thought, suddenly discovering you’ve been unconscious for the past five minutes and didn’t remember to turn right after the last traffic light?  It’s what happens when we don’t give ourselves enough time and space to breathe deeply and be with ourselves in the moment.

As I sit here at my keyboard I’m aware of the words forming on the screen as I dictate to my fingers.  I’m aware that I’m writing about something that is important to me and want to share my thoughts. I notice that sometimes the words I find on the screen aren’t the best ones I could choose. I go back and change them.

I notice that my eyes are dry and tired. I close them and stop typing. I hear a robin and a several other birds practicing their spring mating songs just outside the window and the hum of the heater warming the room. I notice my back feeling stiff and my need to get up and do a few minutes of stretching before getting back to work. When I’m mindful of what my body needs I can help it feel better and my writing will be easier and better.

The problem is I easily get distracted. As I write I find myself keeping one eye on the clock, knowing I have only a few more minutes to finish this post. I’m going to be late getting to my Pilates class if I don’t hurry up. Before I leave I need to put the dogs out, check the washing machine, and find the list of groceries I need to get after class. My writing is no longer making sense and I’m just wanting to finish it.  All that leads to a host of other possibilities: like speeding, running a red light, getting a traffic ticket, or causing an accident. I stop and ask myself, “Is it worth it?”

For me the secret of being as mindful as possible is to slow down and give myself the time and space to practice being in the moment. Instead of filling my plate with too many things for me to handle at one time, I slow down and take my time choosing one thing to do. I decide I’ll finish this post later. Otherwise, I’ll become as mindless as the next person, charging down the highway trying to keep up to speed with the world around me.  I’d rather pay attention and do one thing well, than do two or three things and only do a half-assed job at any of them.

Hope you’re enjoying these wonderful spring days.  To my family and friends in New England, I’ll be thinking of you over the next few days.  I hear you’ll be getting yet another snowstorm.  I’m extremely grateful to be here in Virginia.

Filed Under: Meditation, Navigating Through Life, Time Tagged With: ,

Before, After, And A New Challenge

March 4, 2014 By
Before

Before

Now that I’ve gotten myself through the renovation, it’s time for another challenge.  Yes, it’s done except for one drawer that should be delivered today if the road conditions are okay after yesterday’s five inches of snow.  As you can see I’ve attached before and after pics of the master bath. The new tub  is fabulous for a nice soak on cold winter days. While I like to read or listen to books on tape as I soak, Bill plays his harmonica filling the house with wonderful, bluesy music.

While all of the hammering, sawing, and chaos was happening, I found myself diving for comfort food to sooth my nerves.  Since I’m gluten free and avoiding most grains, there were no cakes, cookies, and and I had no kitchen to make my usual treats made with almond flour. So I packed in the dark chocolate bars, ate things like ice cream when we went out to eat, which I usually refrain from, and generally experienced almost constant sugar cravings and crashes.

After

After

Yes, I’m a sugarholic. Like a good portion of the rest of us in this country, I love sweets.  Once I’m on a sugar kick there is no stopping me.  If I bring home a pint of ice-cream it probably wouldn’t make it until day two.  If there is a chocolate bar sitting somewhere in the vicinity it won’t last long either. Anything that is sweet is my comfort. Especially when I’m stressed.

The rest of my diet is great.  I long ago gave up soda, chips, most processed foods. I haven’t bought a bag of refined sugar sugar in years, using honey, agave nectar, and maple syrup for cooking. But sugar is sugar. I eat small portions of meat and lots of fresh vegetables and fruit.  Berries are the best, along with clementines, and in the summer peaches, cherries and grapes.  All organic if possible.   I’ve tried being vegetarian, but found I need animal protein to keep my energy up and my immune system in good shape.

Last week I had a hard day when there was nothing sweet in the house to munch on.   I was craving sugar all day long. I was jittery, anxious, and couldn’t concentrate.  I’ve been through it before and the only thing that can fix it is to omit sugar from my diet and be very patient, because it takes time to get over the hump. I made a promise to myself to stop buying the ice-cream, dark chocolate bars, and anything else that would continue to keep me needing a fix. I piled on the fruit instead. Apples, grapefruit, bananas, berries, fresh or dried. I felt better but was still craving anything that would deliver a dose of sugar quickly.

Over two weeks ago my daughter, Lisa, who suffers from the same addiction to sugar, decided to go on a 21 day sugar detox program. I’ve been following her progress and been impressed with how she is doing.  She has just under a week left to go and I’m looking forward to seeing what she will do once she is done.  Will her need for sugar come back if she adds a piece of chocolate back in once in a while?  Or will she continue to keep tabs on herself and continue to live without the cravings?

I don’t know the answer to that, but she is has so inspired me that I’ve decided to give it a try myself.  This coming Sunday will be day number one for me.  I have a dinner party and a lunch to get through this week with friends, but once day one rolls around, that’s it for sugar for the next 21 days. In the meantime I’m testing recipes for snacks that I can have and cutting back on the amount of sweet stuff now to prepare myself.  I haven’t bought a bar of chocolate in week and haven’t had ice-cream in a while.  I just made a batch of Banola, from the recipes that go along with the program. It’s good and very satisfying.  It’s granola made with a variety of nuts, seeds, cinnamon, vanilla, and just barely ripe bananas as a sweetener. There are no grains or sugar in it. I’ll eat it out of the jar for a snack or add it to plain yogurt at breakfast with some cut up green apple.  Last night we tried the Shrimp Pad Thai with zucchini noodles. So delicious. Those added to my own stash of grain and sugar free recipes should keep me happy for the next three weeks.

I think the hardest part for me will be giving up all of the fruit I’ve been eating. Green apples, green-tipped bananas and grapefruit are the only fruits I’m allowed to have during the detox period. But I’ve found that most anything worth doing isn’t terribly easy at first.  It’s just another thing to try to keep myself healthy and feeling good.

Wish me luck!  I’ll be posting posting on my Facebook page about my progress from time to time. I’m looking forward to seeing how I do after the 21 days are up.

Oh, my writing is coming along well.  I’ll be going to a writing conference in May and hope to have a manuscript to bring along for critique.

Filed Under: Addiction, Healthy Living, Navigating Through Life, wonderings Tagged With: , ,

Already Naked

February 25, 2014 By

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.  You are already naked.  There is no reason not to follow your heart.”  Steve Jobs

DSC00761Just over a week ago we had fifteen inches of snow on the ground.  This past weekend we had two gorgeous days, both near seventy degrees. The warmth and sunshine was heart warming after what has seemed like a long, cold, and dreary winter.  Although it sounds like there may be more snow in our future for next weekend, I know spring is on it’s way.

My cat, Lily, was the first to inform me. She has spent most of winter cozied up inside on the couch, only going out to use her favorite flowerbed as her kitty pan.  Just before the big snow, she started her warm weather routine of going out, coming in, going out, coming in, and going out again. She’s constantly at the door or at the window outside our dining room asking for our attention in manning the doors.  And even the snow didn’t stop her.  She tells me that spring’s arrival is guaranteed. Soon. She is much more optimistic than that groundhog, Phil.

I’ve also noticed the build up of the chorus of bird song when I go out for my morning walks with the dogs.  Almost silent just a few weeks ago, the sunrise is taking on music and  it will crescendo into it’s full blown glory as the days grow longer and warmer.  Yesterday I noticed a lawn up the street abloom with tiny lavender croci. Daffodils are poking their sleepy heads above ground, gaining strength and energy as they inch toward the glow of the sun.

And I’ve taken on a new glow myself.  After my last post about loss and grieving, an internet friend, Debra Marrs, sent me the quote above. I’ve spent the last week contemplating its meaning and feeling myself beginning to recharge and get ready for an audacious spring.  I’m certainly helped by the lengthening of daylight hours. I’m now ready to great the sunrise and be outside at around 6:40 AM and am reveling in the added time in the evening to watch the sun sink beyond earth’s edge.  My energy levels are moving upward and now that the work on our house is about done, (They promise today will be the last day) my interest in finishingmy book is growing.  No one ever told me that these last chapters just might be the hardest to write, but the words are flowing again and I just might find my way out of my thicket of thoughts in a timely way. I’m seriously considering going to a creative non-fiction writing conference in May, the first in many years, as a way to get myself primed for what’s next in getting my memoir onto bookstore shelves.

During the dark time of winter, especially when it’s cold, I find it easy for me to sit back and fall into my old patterns of not feeling good enough … that I’ll never get the book done or published … and if I do get that far, no one will care to read it.  But hey, that quote above sent me a reminder.  I’m already naked.   What do I have to lose?

So tell me, is spring on its way in your neck of the woods?  And what do you have to lose if you ignore your biggest dream?DSCF0989

Filed Under: Dreams, Memoir, Navigating Through Life, The Seasons, Writing

Reno Week #3

January 28, 2014 By
The finished kitchen floor.

The finished kitchen floor.

This has been “waffle week” for me. I’ve been bouncing up, down and back and forth as the days pass, feeling great one day then dragging the next. I was simply trying to stay grounded as the week flashed by in a heartbeat.  While things were progessing well with the renovation, Friday evening left me disappointed that the kitchen wasn’t quite done and I couldn’t really start moving myself back in. There was the threat of a snowstorm that happily turned into a nonevent on wednesday.  The cold was the biggest problem with wind chills dipping below zero. There was lots of black ice about. The dogs didn’t want to go out much, nor did I.

I began remembering the long, cold winters I spent in Vermont before I moved here to the “tropics.”  I was used to the cold then.  I went cross-country skiing and took care of my small flock of sheep, despite the constant snow and subzero temperatures, often having to visit the barn several times in the middle of the night to check in on ewes who were ready to give birth. Rarely were schools closed because of snow and almost never just because it was too cold.  Mark used to waddle off to school stuffed into a snowsuit, boots, hat, mittens, and a face mask with holes for his eyes and nose.  He was a tough kid, having been born early on a February morning when it was fifty below zero.  But he lives in Virginia now, not far from me, and I imagine he’s having the same kind of difficulty with the cold as I’m having.  He teaches 4th grade and the powers-that-be closed school for three days this week along with late openings the rest of the time.

The renovation is nearing an end and though I’m hoping to be back home by the end of this week, I occasionally have my doubts.  The truth is, I’m not good at being patient and I’ve been feeling bad about the complaining I’ve done. I kick myself in the butt for it and stuff the rest inside my head until little explosions happen indicating there is no more room for stuffing things.

New shelves, countertop and cabinets in sunroom just off the kitchen.

New shelves, countertop and cabinets in sunroom just off the kitchen.

I don’t like being a wimp over this renovation stuff when the rest of world is suffering through poverty, fear, and war. I try my damnedest to be positive over the long haul. Please enjoy these few pics of the fantastic progress we’re making in the kitchen and the sunroom.  I’m excited and every day I’m more and more thankful that we decided to do what we’re doing.

Filed Under: Navigating Through Life Tagged With: , , , ,

Reno Week #2

January 21, 2014 By
The living room turned storage space.

The living room turned storage space.

Wouldn’t you think that once you learn a lesson it would stick?  Letting go is one of the biggest lessons I’ve tangled with all through my life.  It’s probably because I’ve spent my life trying to control everything around me.  As the family caretaker when I was young, I was in charge of keeping the peace. Most of the time it didn’t work. My parents didn’t stop fighting because I went out of my way to be the best little girl on earth. And my brothers never listened to me when I told them to stop slinging mudballs at each other. But I kept trying.

When I grew up and had kids of my own I got fairly good at controlling them … until they became teens and started developing attitude.  Then they flew the coop and  I was left holding the empty control bag. I turned to everyone else around me. Who could I control now?  Why wasn’t I being awarded the best controller medal of the world?

But time, a few therapists, and life in general has taught me that there is absolutely nothing I can control.  Life has a way of doing it’s own thing. I can try as hard as I might to make the sun shine on a rainy day but it won’t happen.  The world is what it is and I find it best to work at having a good time rather than spending all of my energy trying to make everything run smoothly.

I ticked off one more try at it this past week, which resulted in a meltdown. For a meltdown it wasn’t as bad as they can be and I apologized profusely to everyone in sight. I felt awful for making an ass of myself and spent a couple of hours hating silly, stubborn me. I thought, “No more home improvements for me! I’ve had it!” When the end of the day came and everything looked wonderful and just as it should.  Nothing was shattered or broken. The sun was still shining and the birds were singing.  But I had hurt myself. I’ve been there before. Every time I react without pausing to think through something that isn’t going my way, I end up making a mess of myself and sometimes those around me.

I figured in order to keep it from happening again,  I had to approach all of this from another angle. Somewhere in my head I heard the suggestion that I should stay away from the construction zone as much as possible.  The next morning I went to the house to put a load of laundry in. I worked in my studio and didn’t go back until later in the day to put the laundry in the dryer. I stopped to look at what was happening, but made no judgements. I smiled and went my own way again until I went back to fold the laundry, again admiring the work that had been done.

I did somewhat the same thing on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.  What a difference. I was happy. Things were on schedule and the world hadn’t ended because I wasn’t paying attention. I even took time for having tea with a friend, reading, walking the dogs, and napping.

But the thing is, I should know better by now.  So once again I’m making a promise to myself and the world that the next time steam starts pouring out of my ears, I’ll pause and stop trying to keep the world from coming to an end.  Maybe I should take a notebook and fill it up with the same sentence over and over again: “I will not react before I stop and think about what is happening.”

Just to let you know the latest word, the crew boss thinks they’ll probably pretty much wrap up the kitchen part of the  project by the end of this week or early the following week.  I’m elated and have promised  to keep my cool at least until then. The laundry room is now tiled and the electricians and plumbers are hard at work.. The appliances should start going back into the kitchen today. I’m totally surprised and in awe of how quickly this has gone and so far am extremely happy with the results. And though I embarrassed myself pretty badly this past week, I’m proud of myself for stepping back and accepting the fact that I am just one imperfect human being amongst all the rest.

Filed Under: family, Navigating Through Life, The Journey Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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