I’ve written a guest post on my daughter’s blog, Sacred Circle. It’s about my way of making my intentions known, my Artist’s Journal, and the summer writing camp I’ve been attending.
I hope you enjoy!
One Rich Life
I’ve written a guest post on my daughter’s blog, Sacred Circle. It’s about my way of making my intentions known, my Artist’s Journal, and the summer writing camp I’ve been attending.
I hope you enjoy!
The first time I saw her, I had just signed up as a volunteer at the SPCA to help care for the cats that were housed at our local Pet Smart store. She sat in her cage playing with a small yellow ball with a bell hidden inside, seemingly as happy as could be. She’d already been there for several months and only left her cage when one of us volunteers would let her out for twenty minutes or so. She rubbed up against my leg, purring like a miniature motorcycle, her perfect moon-face tilted to her right, forever looking as if she might have a question or two for me. On her records I noted she’d been rescued from a woman who had been keeping some thirty cats in her home and I knew from one the notes left by another volunteer that he was considering adopting her.
I went every Monday morning at eight to feed the cats and clean cages. It was a way for me to get some kitty time and have time out of my house where my mom was slowly succumbing to lung cancer. My best cat friend, Hannah, had died only a few months earlier and I was missing the soft, gentle love that only a lap cat can provide.
Several months later I decided that being around homeless cats living in cages was not making me any happier that being at home with my dying mom. I gave notice that I would be leaving my post. Peppermint was still there, waiting for the right person to come along and take her home. On my last day, a young family came in looking for a cat to adopt. They had three children who seemed a bit wild, but I didn’t think much of it until they wanted me to let Pepper out of her cage so they could see if she would be the cat for them. As I put her down on the floor, the kids lunged at her, squeezing her and fighting over who would get to hold her next. Pepper was not happy and I found myself in rescue mode, saying that I had forgotten that she had already been spoken for. The family considered a couple of the other cats and I sighed, very relieved, when they walked away without one. That night Peppermint, Peps, Pepperoni, or sometimes just Pepper, went home to live with me and my pack of two dogs and another cat I’d recently rescued.
She was my sweetheart, never learning how to stalk birds or squirrels, simply running toward them with all of her might as they fled way before she could reach them. She loved to play with anything that rolled across the floor and took to stealing pens from tables and desktops. Meowing loudly, as if she was bringing me a mouse, she’d deposit her treasures in the same place every day. I often watched her walk down the hallway from my office with a pen sticking out of her mouth, dangling like a cigarette, until she got to the place where she stored them. The only times she ever meowed was when she was carrying a pen or when I’d force her into a crate to take her to the vet.
About a year ago, she started having difficult walking at times and looking at all of her test results and her head tilt, the Doc thought that she might have some kind of brain difficulty. We dosed her with Prednisone and she got better. Just a week ago she went missing in the house for a full day and I finally found her hiding in the dark basement, not feeling very good. Bill and I took her to the Emergency Vet, and they could find nothing wrong with her, saying that it was likely her brain condition, and that they would only be able to diagnose it with a brain scan. We were unwilling to put her through that. The odds were that most likely it would be something that was untreatable.
We brought her home, checked in with her regular Vet, Richard, on Monday. He told us to just watch her and get back to him on Friday with a report. She started getting better, no longer hiding in the dark, eating well and using her litter pan. On Friday morning I called Richard and he felt she’d probably be fine.
Later in the afternoon she went outside and immediately got hung up in a shrub, unable to walk. We rushed her to the clinic. Within the hour she had four seizures and bit one of the technicians, something she had never done before. We all decided that there was nothing to be done but to gently and quietly put her to sleep. She died in my arms with Bill and Richard mourning along with me.
It’s been a big year for losses at my house. Molly, my little Maltese mix, died suddenly last Thanksgiving of cancer and just a month or so ago, Cleo, originally my mother’s cat, crossed over the Rainbow Bridge, at age seventeen. They leave behind super dog, Sam, and Lilliput, a crazy tuxedo cat who spends most of her time outside, threatening and often succeeding in murdering the local wildlife.
We’re hoping and praying that this string of losses will end for a while. It is so difficult to part with these special creatures that come into our lives. In the meantime, I take solace in the fact that they were all once homeless animals to whom we gave their second chances. They lived out their lives in comfort, surrounded with love.
Just a year ago I complained that with the five animals we kept, the house often felt like a daycare center. Today, it’s very quiet and somewhat empty. I wish they were all back sharing their lives with me.
She was my Mom’s cat. I was there when Mom went to the SPCA to find a new friend. Mom had recently moved here to Virginia from New Hampshire and was finally settled into a lovely small home. Now she was ready for a companion to share her days with.
There were so many cats waiting for their forever homes, all ready to curl up in a lap and cuddle their days away. Mom chose two feral kittens about five months old who were hiding in a corner under a table. They were scared to death and difficult to capture. She named them Cleo and Leo. Leo was a ginger colored tabby and Cleo a beautiful calico.
The first few weeks at home, they made a nest under Mom’s bed in the box springs. They came out only for food, but after a while realized that she wasn’t going to harm them and took up following her around the house. When she finally let them go outside, they roamed the neighborhood by day, always returning for their evening meal. They were afraid of everyone but Mom. They would occasionally put up with a pat on the head from me, but Cleo had a distinct dislike for men, especially Bill.
When Mom’s health began to decline and she moved in with Bill and me, her buddies naturally came along. They weren’t happy at first, afraid of our aging dog, Charlie and old Hannah, our Maine Coon Cat. Leo disappeared a few months later. We checked the SPCA daily, put up posters in the area and even called the folks that Mom had sold her house to, across town. But he was never seen again. There had been reports of Coyotes in our neighborhood. We figured the worst had happened.
When Mom broke her shoulder and then her leg in two separate falls, and I could no longer take care of her, we moved her into a nursing home until she was able to walk again and then into an assisted living situation. Cleo couldn’t go with her, so she came upstairs to join our pack of now two new dogs, Molly and Sam, and recently adopted cats, Peppermint and Lily. She wasn’t happy at first but slowly adjusted but always seemed to be the odd man out. She disliked most prepared cat food. I cooked chicken thighs especially for her. Pepper and Lily would have none of it, preferring Fancy Feast and other kitty fast foods that come in cans or bags. Mom died a few months later and Cleo became a true member of our pack.
We moved here to the city two years ago. Cleo’s behavior changed dramatically. I have no clue as to why, but suddenly she was greeting guests on her own standoffish terms and spent TV time in the evening settled in Bill’s lap. But she was also aging and we were told she’d probably be gone in the next six months. She began losing weight and her kidneys were beginning to fail. We chose not to take any heroic measures to keep her alive because of her advanced age and the invasiveness of many medical procedures.
Most recently she looked like a walking cat skeleton dressed in a fur suit. She hadn’t been eating much including her favorite home cooked chicken. We knew her time was drawing near. A few weeks ago I noticed that someone had been peeing on a new carpet we’d had installed and caught her red-handed. One evening while I was out doing some weeding in the garden, I noticed she was straining to pee and looked terribly uncomfortable.
We decided it was time and a week or so ago on June first, at noon, as she sat on a towel in my lap, my friend and Veterinarian, Richard, injected a magic sleep potion into her veins. As she slowly let go and the light went out of her eyes, I imagine she was scampering off across the Rainbow Bridge to her other Mom, who was waiting on the other side. I feel sad that Cleo is gone, but also relieved. It is so hard to watch a loved one in pain slowly slip away.
With such a loss, there is always an ensuing emptiness. Cleo’s spirit and energy is no longer here. We all feel it and miss her. In a week or two she will return home in a small box in the form of ashes. We will sprinkle them in the garden where we sprinkled Molly’s ashes not too long ago.
The artist is the confidant of nature, flowers carry on dialogues with him through the graceful bending of their stems and the harmoniously tinted nuances of their blossoms. Every flower has a cordial word which nature directs towards him. – Auguste Rodin
It’s been a perfect spring for reworking the garden. Throughout May rain has been abundant with regular showers during the late afternoons and the dark of night. Just a few nights ago we had well over an inch of rain which came down fast, heavy and loud, leaving the new additions to my gardens dancing.
Most of the work is done for the summer except for continuous weeding and deadheading to keep the blossoms coming. There is space available for more plants but I wait to find the one that calls my name as I walk past it at the nursery. Or I might marvel at one in someone else’s garden and then do an all out search to find it.
Keeping the garden moist enough so that the plants thrive is another chore throughout the warm season. In the past I’ve been guilty of over watering many plants causing them to die because they don’t like wet feet. So this year I’m being extra wary, using a meter that tests the moisture level of the soil when it’s looking too dry.
When we bought this house almost two years ago the bank out front was covered with low growing junipers. They were green year round and were easy to maintain, but not colorful or interesting. Last summer they started turning brown but then came back to life in the fall. This spring there was a massive die-out and we removed them all, replacing them with a much more interesting selection of plants with the help of my gardening mentor, Maria. She and her sons have worked with me for years, doing the big, heavy jobs.
This year she redesigned the front bank and did all the planting. Many of the them came from Maria’s own nursery as well as from Lowe’s, where at this time of year their plant benches are overflowing with low-priced shrubs and flowers. The secret is to check in daily to see what new goodies have been delivered.
I took on the gardens in the back of the house. There is another bank above the driveway but it’s not the back breaker the one out front is. Most of it’s in deep shade, which I love. I also added a few annuals to a sunny location for cut flowers. I love Zinnias and Cosmos. They add boldness and grace to any flower arrangement.
Every morning as I look out into the gardens my heart swells with joy. Simply passing through from the house to the garage, any darkness of mood disappears as I take in the colors and textures around me. Yellow day lilies, hardy white gardenias and purple coneflowers offset by a riot of soft and sharp greens make the day bright even if the sky is steel-gray.
There is so much more to come as the season progresses and I find myself on the other side of summer. Late bloomers and fall colors hold until the last leaf drops and the flowers go to seed. I’ll fill an album with photos as the summer passes, so that next January when it’s cold and dark, my inspiration will continue. Without my garden I become disconnected, unable to write or paint. It fills me with life, love, and keeps me centered. It feeds my soul.
I perhaps owe having become a painter to flowers. – Claude Monet
PS I found the quotes above on one my very favorite blogs. Check out Terri Windling’s artwork and words here.
I wrote the following poem years ago when I was visiting Ireland, once a year, loving the peace and quiet of County Mayo. I rambled through cemeteries, many forgotten and uncared for, learning about women’s lives by reading the few words on their headstones. Their lives were not easy. Mrs. Heartwell shows up in many of my poems. She can be a goofy clown, naive, sad, and joyous, but she is also very serious and filled with compassion.
on mother’s day
the light shines within us
like a candle
an eternal flame
reciting inscriptions aloud
mrs heartwell studies rows
of weathered stones
ponders praying angels
the one with broken wings
guarding tiny patrick
died in his mother’s arms
he was only three
beyond a drooping cedar
blood red roses
scent the path
where the queen of heaven
her tranquil face
etched with lichen
extends her arms
blessing sarah golden
brave soul entered
eternal rest
november sixth
eighteen hundred and ninety four
the mother of eight
stumbling through thorny weeds
she finds
a rotting cross
bits of broken glass
rosary beads scatter
as she tries to keep
from stepping on
mary shepherd
gave her life
for infant sophie
jzr
To all mothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day
from me and Mrs. Heartwell!
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Wife, mother, grandmother, writer, blogger, gardener, artist, healthy food nut, loves all creatures, especially dogs. Addicted to books, good movies and the grandkids. Believes in being positive, choice and taking responsibility. Easily overwhelmed by it all, but never bored. Laughing and smiling all the way.
Copyright Joan Z. Rough 2013