THE THREE Ps PLUS ONE MORE FOR GOOD MEASURE

January 9, 2019 By

My Pony Tail Plant never stops growing

This is the time of year when many of us are struggling to keep our New Year’s Resolutions.  Lose 10 pounds.  Workout at the gym 5 times a week. Stop buying books until you’ve gotten through the pile next to your bed.  Be kind to the people you find to be horribly difficult. Etc, etc. 

I’m not one for resolutions. Instead over the years I’ve opted to choose words that I would like to focus on for the coming year. They are words that I hope will help me work on a particular issue I’ve been struggling with which need of bit of extra attention. They’ve been successful most of the time. But occasionally I get caught up in other distractions and high dive into life without thinking much about what my focus is supposed to be.  

I sometimes wonder if I’m wasting my time but keep at it only because 6 to 8 months of working on one issue is better than nothing. Right now I have some burning issues and it’s time for me to get serious about cleaning up my act.  This past December I found three inspiring words that seem to fit together beautifully. My hope is they’ll start me on my way. I expect them to take me through some deep learning and bring me closer to the person I most want to be. I’m calling them The Three Ps.

The first P is for Presence. I no longer want to wander into the past regretting things that I’ve done.   What’s done is done. No amount of going back to see how I could have done something better will help me now. 

I also want to stop worrying about what tomorrow will bring. I simply want to trust that everything will work out, and that I’ll be able to handle whatever comes my way.  I wish to be in the now, working with what is before me in each and every moment. I want to be present with myself, noticing how my brain works.  Am I being as kind to myself as I am to others or am I constantly trashing what I do, giving myself a C or D instead of an A+ for my efforts? 

The second P is for Perspective. Instead of the same old, same old, I want to see and do things in a new way. It’s time for me to be more positive, knowing that I’ll always do the best I can. I hope to quit telling myself stories that are filled with doom, gloom, and all of the nasty things that could go wrong. I deeply believe that every negative experience holds a positive lesson. Why go for the worst when I can take the time to look through the grey clouds and find a patch of blue sky? Oh look, there’s a rainbow beginning to show behind the biggest black cloud of all.

 The third P is for Persistence.  Instead of of giving up when the first thing I try doesn’t work, I’d like to keep going and look for a way to get beyond what I don’t think is possible. As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “If you can’t fly, then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

  Just a few days ago, I added another P, because without it none of the above will work.  That P is for Patience. This work will take time. It will not necessarily be easy.  But I am certain that I can do it if I take my time and forgive myself when I stumble.  Nothing is perfect, especially human beings like me.    

How about you?  Have you a resolution or word you’re grabbing onto to help you through another year?

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NEWS …  On January 18th, I will have rotator cuff surgery to repair a number of tears in my right shoulder. I may be unable to type or write for a few weeks, so on January 23rd, I will be featuring a post by my friend, Kathy Pooler, who will share her list of what she’s learned about aging.  Be sure to check out her memoir, Ever Faithful to his Lead: My Journey Away from Emotional Abuse, available on Amazon.

Depending on how I’m feeling after the surgery, I may miss a few posts.  I will be in a sling for 6 weeks and I’m not sure how easily I’ll be able to type. But I just learned how to dictate to my computer and I’ll be playing with that feature.  We’ll see how it works!

Filed Under: A New Year, Intentions, Navigating Through Life

Facebook, Time, and Snow

December 12, 2018 By

It’s really interesting how things change when you let go of nasty old habits.

 As most of you know I decided to quit Facebook because of the site’s political activity that I was addicted to. I was anxious, depressed, and feeling hopeless. I was using up lots of time reading, commenting, and sharing everything I felt everyone needed to know about our country’s situation. I had little time to do anything else, especially things I’ve always loved to do like taking walks, reading, and writing. 

My first step was to take both the Facebook and Twitter apps off my iPhone. Instead of checking them out at every stop light on my way to an  appointment, I found myself a safer driver. Now I turn on my phone only to find out what time it is or to see if there are any emails I need to respond to quickly. In waiting rooms I now thumb through magazines or better yet, simply close my eyes and meditate. 

I then decided to make it official and get rid of any connection with Facebook altogether by closing my account except for my Author Page. I clicked all the buttons to make it go away. But it didn’t disappear. I thought that maybe it would take time to close an account and that it would happen next week or next month. It’s still with me though. and I’ve come to the conclusion that I didn’t click on the correct buttons. 

The interesting thing is that checking in on Facebook every couple of days has become fun. It’s a great way to see what’s going on with my kids and grandkids. By staying away from social media I’ve gained so much time, that it’s incomprehensable. I can’t imagine why I’ve hung on for so long.

I now have plenty of time to read, take cat naps, and simply stare into space which is something that is a necessity in my life.  It’s in that almost empty space that new ideas come to me and I’m able to make thoughtful decisions.  

We had our first snowfall of the season this past Saturday.  I took most of the day to watch large, fluffy flakes cover the ground. The weather forecasts were extremely amusing. At first we were supposed to have a dusting.  Then it was 3 to 4 inches. In the end we got 10 Inches.  

There’s a gorgeous winter wonderland out there. The birdfeeders are alive with activity, and the chaos of hungry birds seems to be unending.  There are our resident Bluebirds, Carolina Wrens, Finches, Sparrows, and Juncos.  New to the feeders this year are Chickadees and a few Cardinals.

By letting go of a bad habit and getting myself out of that old Facebook trap, I’m more mindful and happy to be back in the world that lives just outside my kitchen windows.

Have you let go of any time sucking habits lately?  Was it worth it?  I’d love to hear how you did it and what you’ve gained.

Filed Under: Change, Intentions, Self-Care

The Word for 2017

January 3, 2017 By
When you see the light stop and take another deep breath.

When you see the light, stop and take another deep brea

Wow, Happy New Year!  Where does the time go?

We’ve all had people tell us, “Life ain’t easy.” And all of us would like to escape the pain and anxiety brought on by that thing called life, especially those things that we have no control over. We constantly struggle to set things straight and keep our hearts from aching. We cling to the past, take revenge, utter nasty words, give those who disparage us the finger, and maybe worse. Loss, illness, rejection,the political situation in our country and the world, can send of us off into a state of rage, depression, and angst that keeps chewing at us until there is little of us left. We give up, slam a door behind us, climb into our caves, and rant to ourselves and anyone else who will listen.

One of those things I have always struggled with, especially in the last couple of months, is my reactivity. Like when someone says something nasty or critical to me or someone I care about. Or when another driver parks his or her car in the spot I’ve been trying to get into for the last 15 minutes. Or when I’m on a six hour flight and am seated next to a screaming toddler and a parent who doesn’t know how to handle her child. I can also be triggered by certain words, people who look like other people who have been abusive, and certain public figures.

Too often I embarrass myself with snide remarks, critical push back,  nasty looks, or sighs that can only mean I’m pissed off. While I experience brief satisfaction in doing those things, it never lasts. I break down in tears because I’ve made such an ass of myself, along with feeling a deep sense of shame. None of that does anything for my sense of self-esteem.

You’d think that after living with my mother for seven years and writing a book about it, that I’d be an expert at pausing before putting my foot in my mouth. But being as human as anyone else, I tend to forget what I’ve learned. I’m always amazed  how certain issues we thought we were done with rear their ugly heads somewhere down the road, reminding us that we’re truly never done.

So once again I’m planning to seriously work on this problem by relearning to PAUSE before I react.  If I can count to ten, take several deep breaths before I say a word, or take a quick time out, perhaps I can tame my wild feelings.

So I’m saying,“whoa,” to myself. I’ve chosen PAUSE as my word for 2017, in hopes of leaving that ugly part of myself behind. I’ve made little signs as reminders to stop and breathe. I’ve taped them in places where I’ll see them every day. There is one at the bottom of my computer screen, and one on the mirror in my bathroom.

I also plan to take time to pause in other areas of my life. It will help  me to stop and rest when I’m feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
And perhaps the PAUSE sign on the refrigerator help tame my appetite after having spent the last two months overindulging in the season’s fabulous food.

Do you take time to pause before reacting to a difficult situation?

Have you chosen a word for this New Year?

Filed Under: A New Year, Intentions, The Journey Tagged With:

Keeping The Spirit Alive

October 18, 2016 By
Making Bone Broth

Making Bone Broth

In the past few months I’ve been a bit OCD about keeping up with what’s next on my to-do list. I’ve been pushing myself and being ultra serious about going beyond what is possible in order to get my book off the ground. I’ve been working nonstop and getting tired of it all. It’s what I tend to do when I’ve got something big going on. Whether being a caretaker to my mother, or getting my my book off the ground, I always overdo.

After the book launch, which I enjoyed immensely, I had a hard time separating myself from my book. I asked, What happens now? Do I go back to the way I used to live my days, taking breaks to read a good novel, taking long walks, napping, and keeping my garden tended and in bloom?

I’ve been very tired, needing time to process what has been happening and where I am today. I’ve kept finding more things to do to keep my memoir in the forefront … writing new content, doing more guest blog posts and updating my website … never feeling satisfied with what I’ve done.

When I’ve thought about taking a break I felt guilty. I’d invested so much time and energy in this project, how could I not keep up the momentum in order to make my book a success?

In the meantime I forgot about some very important things. I neglected to take care of myself, my home, and my relationships. I hadn’t seen friends in a very long time. I’d been too busy to go out to lunch or have a cup of tea with those I’ve missed being with. I didn’t take time to water the garden when it was noticeably wilting. I started binging on chocolate and did everything I could to keep my eyelids propped open when I really needed to take a nap. I felt very resentful when I needed to cook a meal, do the laundry, or go grocery shopping. I don’t normally dislike doing those things and actually love to cook. If someone asked me for help, I got pissy. Don’t they know I’ve got work to do?

Experiencing more anxiety and imbalance than ever, I’m slowly coming to my senses. I’ve declared my home a NO SHOULD ZONE. If I feel I need to take a nap, I take a nap. If I can’t wait to get into that great book I’ve been longing to read, I start reading. I do a little bit of book promotion, write a blog post, take care of a few chores, and then give myself a reward.

Laughing through a facial.

Laughing through a facial.

This past week I took time for a pedicure and facial. I had lunch with a dear friend I haven’t seen in years. (We live less than two miles apart.) I took time to clean out the freezer. I put all of the roasted chicken carcasses I’d been saving into a big pot, along with an onion, carrots, celery, lots of herbs, dried mushrooms, and a few other secret ingredients, and simmered it on the back of the stove for the better part of a day.  As a result I’ve replenished the empty shelves in my freeze with healing soup stock. It all felt so good and my malaise about doing anything that felt like work began to ebb. In taking life too seriously and burning myself out with unending work is not helping me live a balanced life.

It feels wonderful to just putter through my days. Birthing my book has been a long row to hoe, but it’s done and it’s time to relax. I am by no means planning to stop the continued work that still needs to be done, but taking time to watch the sun rise, share laughter with a friend, or keep the garden well tended is as necessary as writing new content to keep my book in the forefront. And it keeps my psyche running smoothly.

How about you? How do you keep your life well balanced and your spirit alive?

 

If you missed it check out my guest blog post over at Susan Widener’s blog Women’s Writing Circle, here.  It’s about writing difficult stories.

Filed Under: Intentions, Lessons, Mental Health, Self-Care, The Journey

I’m Behind

October 11, 2016 By
Lilli and Max . I wish I had time to sit around!

Lilli and Max relaxing. I wish I had time to sit around!

The world keeps spinning along and I can’t seem to keep up. I could blame it on a bunch of things like getting my book launched, answering  a lengthy list of emails, taking care of an ailing dog, doing the laundry, and saying “Yes” to too many things. But I’m not going to.

It’s been a busy time, but it’s also been great. I’m choosing to get off the treadmill for the moment, and am taking some time for myself. It’s accompanied by a tiny bit of guilt because I haven’t been reading the many blog posts that I usually read and I haven’t been keeping up with Facebook or Twitter. Here it is Tuesday again, and I haven’t written an informative blog post for you. Oh well, we all have those times.

I have added some new pages here on my website.  They are new and not yet complete. But eventually you’ll find my publicist’s contact information, a few photos, and a press release for my recently published memoir in the Press Box.  Under News you’ll be able to see what events I have planned for the future, a list of reviews, newspaper articles, radio interviews, and etc.  I plan to have it all up very soon. And damn to the load of laundry I keep forgetting to put in the dryer!

I’m trying to quit being ADD and focus on one thing at a time. Instead of continuing to multitask and getting side tracked, I’m trying to make myself stick with one thing at a time and finish what I started. I’ve promised myself I won’t get sidetracked by the pile of ironing that steadily grows or the downed leaves leaves that the wind keeps blowing into the back yard. Then there’s the wilted house plants that need watering, bathing Max, who has some serious skin problems, and taking time to finish the two books I’m reading. Here’s to next week. Hopefully by then, I’ll have a few of the things on my list done!

Do you try getting off the treadmill, too? Take a nap, read a good book, cook some delicious food, or take a walk? The world is crazy enough without any of us adding to the fray. How long is your list and how do keep up, if you do?

Congratulations to Michelle Short and Mary Ellen Gambutti,
winners of signed copies of SCATTERING ASHES, A Memoir of Letting Go,
as offered to readers of my newsletter.

Filed Under: Intentions, Navigating Through Life
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