The Lessons of Aging

January 22, 2019 By

I’m taking some time out to heal after successful rotator cuff surgery last Friday. Here, in my stead is my friend and fellow memoirist, Kathy Pooler, who like myself is taking the time to spread the word that the aging process isn’t as bad as many others lead us to believe.

 

“Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life—it has given me “me”. It has provided time and experience and failures and triumphs and time-tested friends who have helped me step into the shape that was waiting for me. I fit into me now. “~ Anne LaMott

 

I don’t think anyone really relishes the thought of getting older. Visions of incapacitated, crumpled bodies in nursing home wheelchairs is enough to set anyone on an age-defying track.  Unfortunately, many things are not within our control. While we still have our mental and physical function, I’d like to offer a perspective on the aging process, gained from my own lived experience.

Anne LaMott’s wise words remind me that the challenges that confront us can serve to mold us and make us stronger. And we all have our stories of conquering mountains and slaying dragons, especially as we age.

Is it any wonder that we relish our quiet time in our “Golden Years”?

At seventy-two and with a lot of chronic medical issues, I am embracing this time in my life where I can sit in solitude and stay out of the fray of daily life. I recall those days of frenzy when I rushed off to work after getting two kids fed and going. That was after refereeing their kitchen table debate, “He’s looking at me”, Leigh Ann screamed while Brian sat quiet and smug across the table. By the time I got to work, I felt I had put in eight hours.

So, I’m looking at all the ways that aging is good. I’m still here for starters and that wasn’t always a given. I remind myself often of the night I was diagnosed with Stage Four Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in December of 1996 and wondered if I would survive.

Twenty-three years later, I am here—aging, dealing with limitations, and grateful for the second chance at life. So, as the hot breath of aging breathes down my back, I’m finding reasons to embrace the passing years…

Here are some of the best things about growing old

Grandchildren—I am blessed to have ten grandsons and one curly-topped, feisty three -year old girl who all bring much joy to our lives. They pile in for pizza after playing paintball in the woods then gather around the table for laughing and sharing stories. Or I watch one grandson stealing the show at his basketball tournament and another winning his cycling race.

Studies show that seniors are among the happiest groups of people. Perhaps that’s because we finally develop better coping skills after being tested and we feel better about ourselves.

The Gift of Time with loved ones or time to pursue dreams.

Some people choose to volunteer. The point is that you can do whatever you want and need to do as long as you are physically able.

Wisdom. Don’t you feel you have gained wisdom in the fine art of living and being?

Because we have been through so much in our younger years, we can develop better social skills and endure hardships better. There’s no time or energy for drama.

Guaranteed Monthly Income, Medicare, Social Security. There’s a sense of security in getting that monthly paycheck.

 

Given this perspective, it’s time to embrace the lessons of aging. Let’s face it, some days are better than others but if I keep a spirit of gratitude for my second chance, I can make the most of the time I am still here.

 

When I think of aging with grace, a vision of my eighty-eight-year-old father pushing a walker and hooked to a portable oxygen tank as he walked around the track at the YMCA pops into my mind.

 

Or I think about my ninety-five-year-old mother who always made sure she was dressed to the hilt until the end—with make-up, matching silk scarf and jewelry.  Oh, occasionally, she would say, “Aging is for the birds” but the next day she’d chirp about how grateful she was.

If we’re lucky, we’re all going to age and with that comes the onset of major and minor maladies and declining function but let’s keep moving forward and make the most of each day.

***

How about you? Do you have any thoughts to add about aging?

 I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

 

Follow Kathy on her blog, “Memoir Writer’s Journey.” 

Her first memoir, Ever Faithful to his Lead: My Journey Away from Emotional Abuse, is available where ever fine books are sold.

She is currently at work on her second memoir, Just the Way He Walked: A Mother’s Story of Healing from Cancer and Her Son’s Alcohol Addiction. 

Filed Under: Aging, Gratefulness, Health and Wellnes

Falling Leaves

October 31, 2018 By

There’s a lot going on in the world these days both politically and environmentally.  Most everyone I talk to is struggling with their personal lives, as well as how to live in a country that is being led by a madman who isn’t making life easier for anyone, including himself.

Change is a constant feature of life, leaving many unable to find their way back to where they were, whether it’s because their homes have been swept away by vicious storms, they have lost life-long jobs, or they’re living in fear of the raging fires that  sweep through parts of our country on a regular basis. 

Both my primary care physician and my therapist have said that since the election in 2016, they are working more and more with people trying to come to grips with the politics of our time. I have several acquaintances who are so traumatized that they find it difficult to go out.  It doesn’t help that Charlottesville is frequently mentioned in the evening news.  There are many who are still trying to heal from the damage that was done here in August of 2017.  

I’m feeling particularly grateful that I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, a lovely place to call my own, and that for the moment at least, my mental health is good. But aging has moved into my home. Both Bill and I are trying to stay on track as aches, pains, and increasing forgetfulness become more and more a part of our lives. 

Bill is scheduled to have his left  knee replaced on November 5th,  just days away.  He had his right knee replaced along with a shoulder several years ago and we’re hoping this surgery will be the last.  

I’ll be having my right rotator cuff sewn back together on December 14th.  I’m praying the procedure will cancel out the chronic pain I’ve been living with for over a year. The cuff is apparently torn in a number of places.  Though I’m looking forward to being able to have the pain gone, my arm will be in a sling for 6 weeks and I will not be able to drive for 3 months. YIKES!

I’ve been preparing for a month now. I  practice using my left hand to type, stir pots of delicious chicken soup I’m freezing for later when I can’t cook, and to perform certain sanitary tasks.  I’m gathering clothing that will help me to get dressed and undressed more easily. Getting painful arms into tight sleeves does not feel good.  I’m also gathering a pile of books to read, looking forward to having more reading time than I’ve had in ages. So let it snow, or do whatever it’s going to do. I’ll be fine!

This is where I lead up to tell you about my new writing project.  The working title is, Elder Lessons, and will be a collection of personal essays on aging and about my sometimes fumbled attempts to get through the final chapter(s) of  my own life with grace and humor.  

I’ll be giving you all a taste of what I’m doing, reading, and thinking as I move through the process. I am counting on the writing to keep me moving forward through my own struggles and the slower pace I’ve embraced. 

I’m also hoping to add the voices of others who are dealing with the same issues and how they handle the ups and downs of later life. 

Until next time,
I’ll take time to rest and walk
through the great outdoors,
watching how nature does it.
As autumn leaves fall,
they change from green into the most magnificent colors,
leaving a canopy of cold, dark branches.
But I know they’ll  be back again soon.  

    

Filed Under: Aging, Change, Gratefulness, Navigating Through Life

Trusting In The New Year Ahead

January 1, 2018 By

As a child I moved constantly. My dad was an architect/ home builder and we often lived in half built houses while he finished them off and then sold them. It was a pain of course having to change schools, leaving “best” friends behind, and feeling my way during those first weeks in new schools and neighborhoods. I did it though, often missing what I’d left behind. It wasn’t until I was in highschool that I stayed in the same school with the same classmates that I finally felt I really had a home. But when I graduated I moved to Vermont with my parents and went to college there. Another new beginning. Bill and I met there, got married there, and that’s where our kids were born.

We left Vermont in 1979 and came to Virginia where we’ve been ever since. For the most part I love the weather, except for  hot and humid July and August. The rest of the year is pretty awesome though. We moved here to the Charlottesville area in 1985. Since then we have moved three times within this community. Each place we have landed was perfect for us at the time and when we needed something new we moved on.

We’re still in Charlottesville and continue loving it. The new home we moved into in November is perfect for us right now. We’ve been able to simplify and find that aging is easier than it would have been in the lovely home we recently left. This place is smaller, better organized, and easier to take care of. And we continue to still have the friends we made here.

We’re still getting settled, but we’re warm and cozy and enjoying the array of birds at our new birdfeeder. Even the resident blue birds come to feed. I’ve never had them come to a seed feeder before. When summer comes I’ll be offering them meal worms to keep them around. Our aging kitty, Lilliput, is now an indoor cat and is no longer a threat to the avian and rodent communities around us.

All of us have just moved into a new year. There will be more fresh starts and adventures ahead. What are you hoping for in 2018? What will bring all of us joy during the next 12 months? What will we bring with us that will sustain us during possible trials ahead?

I’m bringing TRUST as my word for the coming days and continue to work with last years word, PAUSE, which I still need to work on. I trust that the days ahead will be filled with love, kindness and ease. I hope to continue to pause when life gets tough, remembering all of the things that I am so grateful for … including family, friends, and you, my followers.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Filed Under: A New Year, Aging, Birds, Gratefulness

Cleaning House

November 17, 2015 By

DSCF0734.JPGThe holidays are upon us, life is crazy, and there aren’t enough hours in the day. I’ve cleaned out all of the blue mold in my refrigerator, put all the summer clothes away, and have begun to file the huge stack of stuff in my studio that’s been steadily growing for at least three months. I was under the impression that it might disappear on its own. Of course I know better. But once in a while I think maybe things have changed.

I cannot start 2016 with a life overflowing with everything I’ve been allowing to pile up. There certainly will be more of that to come. And if I let it go any further I’ll be in deep trouble and I won’t be happy with myself.

IMG_0477So, I’m taking a few weeks off from blogging in order to get organized and ready for the approach of a new year which already appears to be filling up with challenges … like my husband’s knee replacement surgery in late January.

I will not be present on Facebook and Twitter during that time. I’ve allowed them both to be distracting and somewhat addictive.

I will be back on December 1st with my next newsletter, a review of Brene Brown’s new book, Rising Strong, and how it’s helped me to see the progress I’ve been making in my life. There will be other goodies within it as well.

I will begin posting again here on my blog on December 8th.

DSC00399.JPGIn the meantime I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving. Among the many things I’m grateful for, are you, my readers. Thanks so much for taking the time to visit me here and leave comments.

What are you most grateful for this year?

Filed Under: Addiction, Change, Gratefulness, House Keeping Tagged With:

How To Be Sane In An Insane World

September 21, 2015 By
Virginia Creepeer

Virginia Creeper

“All through our gliding journey, on this day as on so many others, a little song runs through my mind. I say song because it passes musically, but it is really just words, a thought that is neither strange nor complex. In fact, how strange it would be not to think it — not to have such music inside one’s head and body, on such an afternoon. What does it mean, say the words, that the earth is so beautiful? And what shall I do about it? What is the gift I should bring to the world? What is the life I should live?
Mary Oliver (from “Flow,” Long Life)

While beautiful and amazingly wonderful things lie all around us, we often forget to notice them, finding ourselves angry, depressed, grieving, living in fear, and unable to make a difference in our horribly screwed up world.

How do we stay sane while thousands of human being are turned back as they seek refuge from war, death, and destruction in their home countries?

Why must we worry about school shootings, bomb threats, and other horrific events that have become a regular new kind of normal?

What can we do about the political voices spewing hatred, prejudice, and racial slurs over the airwaves?

There seems to be no end in sight of things to fear and worry about … the economy, global climate change, finding work, and keeping our families clothed and fed. But instead of making our lives miserable and filled with angst, we can become extra mindful, notice the good things, and spread the gift of positivity every where we go.

Notice the way the wind tosses the autumn leaves about. Hear them as they drop and hit the ground, sometimes silently, other times with a crunch.

Watch the birds gathering together in preparation for their long migration to warmer climes.

Say, Hello, to people you pass on the street. Give them the gift of your best smile. They may be angry, sad or depressed. But knowing that someone has seen them and recognized them as a fellow human being may help them find respite from their troubles, at least for a moment.

Point out the glorious rainbow arcing over the mountains to those who are complaining about the rain.

It doesn’t sound like much, and it may seem like a losing proposition to those who can only see the dark side of things. But being positive amidst the mess we find ourselves in, can make a difference, not only in our own behavior, but in those around us. Laughter is the best medicine and if we can find the humor in a situation and begin to giggle, we’ll often find others joining us, laughing so hard they can’t stand up straight.

We need to stop complaining and when the time comes, go out and vote for those who respect humanity and the struggles we all face. We’re too taken up by the loudest voices who bring us down, rarely noticing the good things happening behind the scenes. Change takes time. Begin to trust that amidst all of the chaos, noise, speed, and destruction we see around us, things can change for the better.

Every day watch the sun rise and be grateful for new beginnings. Hope and trust is present in every moment. Be there to experience it.

These are the things I practice to keep myself from giving up and expecting the worst.  What do you do to keep yourself happy and sane in this maddening world?

 

My first monthly newsletter will be sent out on October 1st. Do sign up and let me know what you think.

Filed Under: Change, Gratefulness, Kindness, Quotes, The Journey Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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