Reno Week #3

January 28, 2014 By
The finished kitchen floor.

The finished kitchen floor.

This has been “waffle week” for me. I’ve been bouncing up, down and back and forth as the days pass, feeling great one day then dragging the next. I was simply trying to stay grounded as the week flashed by in a heartbeat.  While things were progessing well with the renovation, Friday evening left me disappointed that the kitchen wasn’t quite done and I couldn’t really start moving myself back in. There was the threat of a snowstorm that happily turned into a nonevent on wednesday.  The cold was the biggest problem with wind chills dipping below zero. There was lots of black ice about. The dogs didn’t want to go out much, nor did I.

I began remembering the long, cold winters I spent in Vermont before I moved here to the “tropics.”  I was used to the cold then.  I went cross-country skiing and took care of my small flock of sheep, despite the constant snow and subzero temperatures, often having to visit the barn several times in the middle of the night to check in on ewes who were ready to give birth. Rarely were schools closed because of snow and almost never just because it was too cold.  Mark used to waddle off to school stuffed into a snowsuit, boots, hat, mittens, and a face mask with holes for his eyes and nose.  He was a tough kid, having been born early on a February morning when it was fifty below zero.  But he lives in Virginia now, not far from me, and I imagine he’s having the same kind of difficulty with the cold as I’m having.  He teaches 4th grade and the powers-that-be closed school for three days this week along with late openings the rest of the time.

The renovation is nearing an end and though I’m hoping to be back home by the end of this week, I occasionally have my doubts.  The truth is, I’m not good at being patient and I’ve been feeling bad about the complaining I’ve done. I kick myself in the butt for it and stuff the rest inside my head until little explosions happen indicating there is no more room for stuffing things.

New shelves, countertop and cabinets in sunroom just off the kitchen.

New shelves, countertop and cabinets in sunroom just off the kitchen.

I don’t like being a wimp over this renovation stuff when the rest of world is suffering through poverty, fear, and war. I try my damnedest to be positive over the long haul. Please enjoy these few pics of the fantastic progress we’re making in the kitchen and the sunroom.  I’m excited and every day I’m more and more thankful that we decided to do what we’re doing.

Filed Under: Navigating Through Life Tagged With: , , , ,

Reno Week #2

January 21, 2014 By
The living room turned storage space.

The living room turned storage space.

Wouldn’t you think that once you learn a lesson it would stick?  Letting go is one of the biggest lessons I’ve tangled with all through my life.  It’s probably because I’ve spent my life trying to control everything around me.  As the family caretaker when I was young, I was in charge of keeping the peace. Most of the time it didn’t work. My parents didn’t stop fighting because I went out of my way to be the best little girl on earth. And my brothers never listened to me when I told them to stop slinging mudballs at each other. But I kept trying.

When I grew up and had kids of my own I got fairly good at controlling them … until they became teens and started developing attitude.  Then they flew the coop and  I was left holding the empty control bag. I turned to everyone else around me. Who could I control now?  Why wasn’t I being awarded the best controller medal of the world?

But time, a few therapists, and life in general has taught me that there is absolutely nothing I can control.  Life has a way of doing it’s own thing. I can try as hard as I might to make the sun shine on a rainy day but it won’t happen.  The world is what it is and I find it best to work at having a good time rather than spending all of my energy trying to make everything run smoothly.

I ticked off one more try at it this past week, which resulted in a meltdown. For a meltdown it wasn’t as bad as they can be and I apologized profusely to everyone in sight. I felt awful for making an ass of myself and spent a couple of hours hating silly, stubborn me. I thought, “No more home improvements for me! I’ve had it!” When the end of the day came and everything looked wonderful and just as it should.  Nothing was shattered or broken. The sun was still shining and the birds were singing.  But I had hurt myself. I’ve been there before. Every time I react without pausing to think through something that isn’t going my way, I end up making a mess of myself and sometimes those around me.

I figured in order to keep it from happening again,  I had to approach all of this from another angle. Somewhere in my head I heard the suggestion that I should stay away from the construction zone as much as possible.  The next morning I went to the house to put a load of laundry in. I worked in my studio and didn’t go back until later in the day to put the laundry in the dryer. I stopped to look at what was happening, but made no judgements. I smiled and went my own way again until I went back to fold the laundry, again admiring the work that had been done.

I did somewhat the same thing on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.  What a difference. I was happy. Things were on schedule and the world hadn’t ended because I wasn’t paying attention. I even took time for having tea with a friend, reading, walking the dogs, and napping.

But the thing is, I should know better by now.  So once again I’m making a promise to myself and the world that the next time steam starts pouring out of my ears, I’ll pause and stop trying to keep the world from coming to an end.  Maybe I should take a notebook and fill it up with the same sentence over and over again: “I will not react before I stop and think about what is happening.”

Just to let you know the latest word, the crew boss thinks they’ll probably pretty much wrap up the kitchen part of the  project by the end of this week or early the following week.  I’m elated and have promised  to keep my cool at least until then. The laundry room is now tiled and the electricians and plumbers are hard at work.. The appliances should start going back into the kitchen today. I’m totally surprised and in awe of how quickly this has gone and so far am extremely happy with the results. And though I embarrassed myself pretty badly this past week, I’m proud of myself for stepping back and accepting the fact that I am just one imperfect human being amongst all the rest.

Filed Under: family, Navigating Through Life, The Journey Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Reno Week #1

January 14, 2014 By
The living room.

The living room.

The week that was went by in a flash … but it also seemed to take a year to pass.  I don’t quite know how to explain that but that’s how it was.  The hard wood flooring is being put in now and should be finished by Friday morning.  The hall and powder room where the laundry room will be located has now been gutted and work proceeds there.

All in all it was a pretty good week. I managed to do everything but work on my memoir.  Even though my studio is in another building it’s hard for me to focus.  The dogs are jumpy from all the noise and the poor cat doesn’t quite know what to do with herself.  All of us except Sweet Lilli, the cat are staying at a nearby Residence Inn, but even there the dogs aren’t themselves.  They are very much creatures of habit and all of the turmoil is intruding into the quiet security they are used to. It’s the same for both Bill and I but we’re the humans and are supposed to be resilient. We try and are encouraged every day by the progress that is being made.  I can already say that the new floor in the kitchen, though only partially laid, is going to be gorgeous and will make a huge difference in the amount of time I spend cooking.

My biggest hangup has been eating and cooking. I’m gluten-free and am trying go mostly Paleo, meaning no grains whatsoever.  I am also a cook-it-from-scratch kind of person and the limited kitchen arrangements in our room have been a problem until yesterday when we moved into a room with a real stove with four burners and an oven.  It’s still tiny and cramped but I don’t plan on making anything that is complicated. So I think we’re good until our kitchen here is done.

I could go into a rant or have a pity party and cry about how hard all of this is, but it wouldn’t help. Yesterday I finally made friends with the idea that this is going to be a time of getting little serious writing done and having untold interruptions no matter what I’m trying to do. Unlike several people I know who went to Europe while their homes were being renovated, I find it helpful to check in on what is happening in order to keep from being surprised at the end of the day.

As I watch the rest of the world, the work being done here and the great people who are doing it, I find myself being grateful that this interruption in my life is as small as it is. It is nothing in comparison to what the single dad who is supervising this job goes through every day, for his daughters, three and six years old. I’m grateful for the cooking space I do have that is inside a warm building and the choices available to me when it comes to what to eat.

Kitchen floor in process.

Kitchen floor in process.

I’m grateful for everything I have and for a huge amount of stuff that I don’t have. Sure I’m somewhat stressed. Who wouldn’t be?  Life is what it is, but I happen to be one of the most fortunate citizens on this planet.  Suffering is an option but for the moment I am choosing to live mindfully and simply notice what is happening around me and what is going through my head. The only thing I can change is the way I perceive what is going on and I’m especially grateful that I’m able to do just that.

What stresses are happening in your life and how are you keeping it from turning your life upside down?

Filed Under: Dogs, Gratefulness, Navigating Through Life, The Journey, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Renovating Life

January 7, 2014 By

IMG_0997It’s begun!  At 8 yesterday morning the crew arrived to start our much needed home renovations.  Bill and I spent the weekend, scurrying around getting the last of the kitchen items packed up and asking ourselves, “What the hell have we done? Couldn’t we have gotten along just fine with the way things were?”

The answer to the first question is that we’re trying to be practical and do some self-care by making our home more comfortable and safe for us to live in.  The answer to the second question is “yes” and “no.”  Sure we could have let it be and not go through having our house torn up.  As a kid I constantly lived in a construction zone, as my father was an architect and a home builder.  For me the sound of saws and hammers trigger old grumpiness and the victimhood I’ve worked on so hard to eliminate from my life.  Who would want to revisit that?

But on the other hand to do nothing about the hard stone floor in the kitchen would make my back problems worse than they currently are. It’s an uneven surface and both of us have tripped numerous times almost landing on our heads.  We’re having it torn out and are putting in a hardwood floor which will brighten things up and make going barefoot much more comfortable.

In our quest to simplify our lives and get organized we’re also adding built-ins to what we call the sunroom.  On this house built in 1935, it was at one time an outdoor patio just off the kitchen. It was closed in by a former owner. It’s been our mud room, a place to hang coats, and I’ve had odd pieces of furniture in there to house my collection of cookbooks and excess kitchen gadgetry.  But when we’re done it will all be one piece with everything hidden behind cabinet doors with a place for everything … and everything in its place.

We’re also moving the laundry room upstairs from the basement. It will be located in what is currently a small powder room and hallway, just outside of our first-floor bedroom.  I won’t have to lug baskets of laundry up and down stairs any more, which again increases the risk of falling. The stairs are steep and dark.

If it sounds like we’re a bit paranoid about falling, well, we are. Though we’re both in pretty good shape, we’re aging and more aware than ever that a fall could set us back in how we spend the rest of our lives. It was all brought home to us a week ago today when Bill fell in a bathtub/shower in the hotel we were staying in, while visiting Colonial Williamsburg. He got up early, wanting to be ready to hit the road and get back home.  I was just waking up. I heard the crash and found him on his back in the tub. He’d slipped on the sudsy floor.  He hit the faucet and it came off the wall.  He had scrapes and bruises but seemed fine as he got up.  It wasn’t until a few minutes later that pain began developing in his chest and we realized he had bruised or broken ribs.

Off to the emergency room we went for X-rays and meds for the growing pain. Fortunately nothing was broken … only some bad bruising. We both realized he could have been hurt more seriously or could have died.  So yes, we must do this renovation in order to take care of ourselves now. And it isn’t just us aging folks who fall. Since Bill’s unhappy event last week we’ve met other, much younger people who’ve fallen in bathtubs and showers …  dangerous places when you have soap in your eyes.

The midget tub.

The midget tub.

The final change will be adding a soaking tub to our master bathroom, which actually is leaving me trembling a bit.  We’ll need to use caution getting in and out. The tub we now have is an adorable claw foot tub built for a midget.  I love a good hot soak on very cold days and the midget tub is too small for me.  The floor in our new tub has a non-skid surface and we’ll have sturdy hand bars on the wall to hang onto as we get up and out of the bath.

I don’t quite understand why most of us are so averse to change. It is the only certain thing in life. For me the new technologies of the day are wondrous yet a pain in the backside to learn. But the seasons change, time marches on, and one day we find ourselves somewhere we never expected to be. We’re always searching for the place where the grass is greenest, where we are happiest, and life is easy.  Sometimes we get it. Sometimes we don’t.

Living a life is very much like renovating a house. In order to get what we want and need, we must take action, risk being wrong, and live uncomfortably while things are being rearranged. I find renovating a home much easier than renovating my mind. In the long run, however, they are both necessary and very much worth the struggle.

Filed Under: Navigating Through Life Tagged With: , , , ,

Audacity

January 1, 2014 By
Max and Sam join me in wishing you a Happy New Year.

Max and Sam join me in wishing you a Happy New Year.

I love words.  I love speaking them … pronouncing them slowly and deliberately as that they roll off my tongue. Each of their letters brings sound … hard, soft, sometimes silent … to the whole, giving the word its own unique vibration that I quickly recognize and most often know the meaning of. If I don’t, I hurry to look it up so that I can start using it if it appeals to me. As a writer I use lots of words. I use them to get my thoughts across to readers whether, they be those who peruse my blog, or those I send personal messages to.  I try to use them correctly, but sometimes I take liberties … try to use them in different ways.

Take the word “Audacity.”  I’ve always used it as most dictionaries describe it,as in the Cambridge Dictionary’s meaning, “Unusually strong and especially rude confidence in yourself.”  Like in the sentence, “She had the audacity to fall asleep on the couch while I worked hard cleaning up the mess she had created.”

I love saying audacity aloud. I love each sound put together to create it. I especially love the “ssss.” It catches my attention. I automatically connect it with daring, being gutsy and adventurous. I liked the way President Obama used it in his book, The Audacity of Hope. He didn’t mean it in a rude or aggressive way. He used it to bring forth the the courage to HOPE, which we all struggle with. Especially when our country, the world and/or our own personal lives feel more than screwed up and we can’t catch a glimmer of light at the end of the proverbial tunnel we inhabit.

At the beginning of each new year, I consider a word or words that I adopt just for myself. It’s always something I need to work on during the coming 365 days. It is there to help me move through every aspect of my life, both difficult and easy. I practice it.  At the end of each year it hopefully becomes part of my everyday  practice for as long as I’m up and running. Last years word was “simplicity.”  It was a complicated year for me and when I got overwhelmed, it was there to remind me that I could simplify the complicated and my overwhelm would go away. It is part of my lifestyle now. Keeping my life and needs simple, allows more for others. It addresses my concerns with the way we treat our planet and the division we are experiencing within our own country, never mind the whole world.

I don’t know what the coming year will bring, but hopefully it will be a good one.  If everything goes well, I’ll be finished with the first draft of my memoir within a month or two. I’ll begin looking into ways of getting it published.  And that is why  “Audacity,”  is my chosen word for 2014.

I do not want to be or come across as disrespectful, rude, or aggressive.  On the contrary, I’m planning to practice audacity to help me overcome my shyness, lack of confidence, and the “not good enough” thoughts that follow me around, especially when I need to step forward and ask for help or when I want to draw attention to what I’m doing. I hope that trying to be a bit audacious will kick the butts of those thoughts …allow me to come out of my protective shell as in, “I had the audacity to make friends with my vulnerability and walk, head held high, into the world.”

The whole publishing thing, whether it be self, traditional or whatever, provides me with fits of fear.  Will my book be good enough?  Do I have what it takes to publish and promote it myself without giving up on it? I’m not a salesperson. I run from every slick, silver-tongued salesperson who wants me to buy a car, life insurance, or some other too-good-to-be-true thingamajig that they claim will allow me to live forever or more happily. i don’t want to be like that, but how do I go about promoting something important to me without being obnoxious?

In order to do the job, I will need some fearlessness, courage, confidence, grit, nerve, and daring sans the silver-tongued rudeness. I could have chosen any one of those words I just used for my special word, but none of them cover all of the bases for me.  Audacity on the other hand makes me feel hopeful. It’s got a bit of zing. It’s playful. It almost sounds like a song. It says to me that it’s okay to be confident and vulnerable all at the same time. I hope it will spice up the way I do things … just a little.  It’s something I should have looked into long ago but never had the nerve. Now that I’m becoming a bit more seasoned with age, it’s time to try something new.

What are your New Years traditions? Do you make resolutions or choose words or a word to guide you through the next twelve months?

 My wish for all of us is that  2014  be filled with JOY, DISCOVERY, and HOPE, spiced with a tad of AUDACITY.

P.S.  Check out my “Be Grateful, Stay Sane” post on my Facebook  or Twitter pages today as I begin my way through at least a month of home renovation and upheaval.

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